Your thoughts on children at viewing before funerals...?

Question

My daughters friends mother passed in an accident last week. Some of her friends mothers brought their daughters to the viewing the day before the funeral. I didnt bring my daughter as I thought that this was inappropriate since the girls really didnt even know the mother that well. However, I did attend the acutal funeral with my daughter. What are your thoughts on this? The girls are 10 years old and didnt really know the mother, do you think that this was appropriate? I was always under the impression the viewing was for close family and friends???

I am not talking about the funeral...I am talking about the viewing of the body. I agree that the funeral is fine to attend.

Answer 1

I don't see any reason for you to have brought your daughter to the viewing. Especially since she really didn't know the woman. Going to the funeral is enough. You did the right thing. No sense in freaking your daughter out, unnecessarily. Of course, death is a part of life, but why traumatize a child if you can avoid it?

Answer 2

When I was three years old my biological father passed away. My family insisted that my mother find a sitter for me during the funeral/viewing of the body. I am now 27 years old and after I attend a funeral I can not sleep for a week. I do believe that it is important to subject children to these things at a young age. Everyone dies at one point or another so your daughter will have to attend funerals in the future , why make it worse for her then if you can help her by taking her now? Prepare her before hand by explaining that it might be a bit scary but you will be with her the whole time. God Bless and I hope I have helped.

Answer 3

The actual viewing should definitely be reserved for those who are next of Kin. That kind of thing messed me up for the last ten years. After seeing my fathers body, it took me a decade before i could even enter a funeral home again. I still dont look at the body, as i do not agree with that. I feel if it helps someone with their closure then thats good, but from what i have experienced, i would much rather not see the body and remember the wonderful life the person had.

Answer 4

I think it would have been nice for your daughter to be there for her friend. As someone mentioned funerals (and viewings are part of that process) are for the living, not for the dead.

We've always taken our children from very young to the viewings and funerals of friends and family who have passed. They certainly do know how to behave, especially if you explain to them how solemn the funeral will be and how sad many people are. Ten years old is quite old enough to know how to behave, and it might have quelled some of her personal anxieties and fears about death. Especially in a culture such as ours where ill people are locked away in a hospital room until they die, then kept at a funeral home. 100 years ago, death was just another part of life, and people understood it. Now it's just another thing for us to fear and put off as long as possible.

Answer 5

when i went to my grand mothers funeral i didn't even cry but don't think I'm cold hearted i felt bad for not crying i depends. here are some questions to help .will there be other children there age of the child,who's gonna be there I'mmediate family or everyone under the sun that knew the person, how easily the child will scare and will they behave at the funeral. im 11 i dealt with it so its really your choice

Answer 6

If there was no relation between your daughters and the person who died then you did good. Funerals are a inevitable experience, but the older the kid, the better they will understand.

Sharing some personal experience, when I was a kid and my granpa died they woudln't let me see the dead boddy. I was so angry. But my father told me: "you don't want to remember him that way". I did saw another relative while laying on ther funeral. I can't seem to remember her, other than when being dead. All my good memories about my grandpa are still untouched.

Wishing you luck,
Kelly BOobies

Answer 7

This happened to me also. A close friend passed away in an accident, I explained to my daughter what happened. Everyone told me to tell her he was asleep. I refused to do this. I told her the truth. 1 yr later her grandfather passed , I think it helped her cope with the lose better. I did not stay the whole viewing just enough to pay our respect.

Answer 8

The viewing is for the support of the family. Im sure your daughters friend appricated all of the friends that came to help her thru it.

The viewing is only for family when the family states that. That was my grandma's dying wish. She had termal cancer and well looked really bad. She wanted it to just be the family , and for us to beable to get comfort off each other. She didnt want strangers looking at the person she had become due to the illness. My brother didnt bring his 16 yr old daughter because it would scar her for life.............. OHHH PLZ. But then again they didnt allow her to see grandma because there was no point in her getting attached..... Their child well be shell shocked when she enters the REAL world

death is a fact of life, I do not shield my children from this.... they need to be used to accepting life as it comes.

What is wrong with viewing? I personally think it shows respect and support to attent to the family left behind

Answer 9

Well I think the parent's should explain to their children first what they are expected to see and let them decide if they want to go or not. But I don't see anything wrong with bringing a 10 year old to a funeral.

Answer 10

I only bring my children to the viewing of someone they are close to, as well. As your daughter didn't know the deceased very well, I think you were correct in only bringing her to pay her respects at the funeral.