I have been with my bf for many years. He's very non-confrontational, and a people pleaser (as long as it doesn't deal with confrontation, lol)
Well his family of course knew we were together when we were younger, 16 - 20 years old, but we broke up. To this day they think we are still broken up and I'm history... but we didn't really break up for long and got back together. Long story short, his mom and his grandma hate me and they say bad things about me when they visit and see his roommates (his roommates told me about what they say about me).
So basically we have been hiding our relationship from them because he's afraid of what they'll do to him or what they'll say if they find out. I seriously never did anything to them so I don't know why they hate me. =(
But I am tired of sneaking around and it's beginning to control our relationship now that we're getting to the point of wanting to move in together. I can't hide forever!
2007-06-25 12:20:27 · 7 answers · asked by pizzagirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Any advice for my bf to confront them without them making his life absolutely miserable? Cause I could see them refusing to be there for him just because of me! I hate putting him through this because I know he's scared to talk to her, but I am going through a lot now because of how I'll have to do things like, go home early because she's coming over or not be able to celebrate his graduation from college cause they're there, or help him move into his new place, or even be in the same car with him when we're near his mom's. It wasn't so bad a while back, but it's getting ridiculous now. Any advice to help him tell them? e-mail? phone maybe? How would you do this? And how can I show him this means a lot to me for him to talk to them....
2007-06-25 12:23:00 · update #1
I wouldn't mind sending them a nice e-mail about it, but he told me he will handle it and he doesn't want me to... but he hasn't yet. So it worries me.
2007-06-25 12:41:55 · update #2
First of all your guy needs to come clean and tell his family about the relationship. I doubt you'll ever feel 100% right until that happens and is out in the open. And why is he scared to tell them? The worst that could happen is that they could "disown" him. At the point he would have to decide what's more important...you or his relationship with his family. I know it's a tough one to have to make, but if he doesn't make it you two will have to keep hiding forever. He needs to just stand up to them (not necessarily in a rude or argumentative way) and tell them that you both (you and his family) are important to him and he would appreciate it if they didn't talk down on you, etc. If they refuse to listen then he should warn them that he won't be around them (I assume he lives on his own anyway from what you said) as much b/c it's disrespectful to you and to him. All of that is contingent upon how serious he is about your relationship. So really, it's all in his hands. Is he willing to stand up for you? As for them hating you...did you ever try talking to them about it? You might have to be proactive one day and just ask...as scary as that might sound.
2007-06-25 12:30:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I too am non-confrontational. However there are limits and hiding ones relationship from parents (especially as an adult) is ridiculous. I would not put up with sneaking around. I am sure you are someone to be proud of and he should show that he is proud to be with you.
What is the deal with his mom and grandmother? They are still saying things about you when they don't know you are in the picture? I think they must know and this is the way they are handling it.
2007-06-25 12:27:48 · answer #2 · answered by Patti C 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey this guy is 20 years old and he can't tell his mommy the truth about things. Maybe its because you are under aged and you could get him put in jail is why his mom is against the relationship. Other wise he needs to be a man and tell his mom to cut the apron strings. You don't want a mamas boy or a guy that will be at his moms beck and call all through your relationship. He needs to stand up for you relationship or you need to leave him.
2007-06-25 12:40:47 · answer #3 · answered by Reta, Bears mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could try emailing her or talking to her, tell her how much respect he has for her and how you love him and don't want to cause any problems between them, and how they have never gave you a chance, your grown up now it's not like when you were a teenager. Maybe if he isn't gonna do it you could, it might make life easier it's worth a shot! Good Luck
2007-06-25 12:28:52 · answer #4 · answered by jenn 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your bf can tell them to f**k off b/c u love each other u shouldnt have 2 hide it .
2007-06-25 12:25:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
just keep then away from each other you don't want to have to pick sides
2007-06-25 12:22:50 · answer #6 · answered by Happy Go Lucky 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
with a crowbar
2007-06-25 12:22:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋