What do you say when the Best Man says he can't be there for the rehearsal?

Question

ok, so apparently the Best Man has wasted all his money on stupid crap, and says he can't afford to drive himself to our ceremony location where we are meeting on Friday, (day before my wedding)
So he says he has to ride with his parents... and wont be able to make it on time (3:00) and we cannot change the time, because we have a set schedule of different things to do that day.
He has known for 9 months what day we were getting married and dont you think he should have saved some money?
If he rides with his parents , then what is the bridal party supposed to do after the ceremony when the bridal party was all suppose to go together to a different location for pictures?

I'm so frustrated with this lazy idiot right now (if he wasnt my fiance's brother, I think I'd have kicked his lazy *** out)

So what do you say to someone to get their asses to take care of themselves on Fri & sat? If he rides with his parents, he wont make it to the rehearsal/dinner OR pictures after ceremony

And the Maid OF Honor was supposed to ride with him too!

................Dont want to upset my Fiance? Are you KIDDING ME? He's the one who's angrier than anyone else! This is his BEST Man and he cant even be responsible enough to be there...

my wedding IS simple, and I am in no way a bridezilla. I am a person who's not goin to let any stupid a.s.s ruin my day though!

Answer 1

i am SO sorry i could not answer your question earlier, i was maxed on answering but i starred it and waited all day.

let me start off by saying i am sorry you had repost your question because of all the negative response you got. it made me REALLY mad that people can be so blind to the truth.

i do not understand how dumb this best man is. I mean, he really does not have that many responsibilities when you get down to it. Put on the tux, show up to the rehearsal, show up to the wedding, and smile in the pictures. HOW HARD IS THAT!? If he had nine months to get ready for this event, there is no possible way he is so broke he can not put some gas in his car?! Do you live in new york and he is driving from florida?! i am guessing not! This is a bunch of CRAP! And i do not think you should be giving him money to get to an event he said he was going to attend! the people who suggested that are well...very mistaken. you do not PAY people to show up! I know gas is a lot right now, but perhaps he can go without getting fast food one day and eat a dollar can of soup, SOMETHING, anything, but this is a very stupid thing that is happening to you. You have enough to be worrying about than this crazy person who needs to learn what it is to be a decent person.

Then there is the fact he is not going to be available after the wedding?! Is that because of his girlfriend too? the girlfriend who can not lend him a few bucks in gas money? He can separate himself from his gf for ONE DAY to do what he needs to do! This whole situation is wrong. If i were you, i would replace him, i would not want to see him in any of my pictures years from now and remembering how he really didn't care.

i am so sorry you got such crappy responses, you are so not a bridezilla, this guy is just so rude. I support you 100 percent and i hope things work out for you

Answer 2

Then you just hold rehearsal without him. He should be capable of holding the ring and standing up at the altar without a rehearsal. It is frustrating when you cannot depend on someone who you should be able to count on. However, your fiance should know his best man (brother) well enough to have known if he would have been a responsible pick as his best man.

As far as pictures after the ceremony there are usually a lot of people driving cars that he could maybe ride with. As far as the rehearsal dinner and rehearsal just count him out.

It all comes down to picking a wedding party that you know you can count on. The best man did not all of a sudden start being irresponsible. There is always a pattern with people and now that you are stuck with an irresponsible member of your wedding party it is just unfortunately going to be a consequence of a poor choice. And you will spend some time and stress trying to figure out how to make it work. It won't ruin your day it's just one more problem to worry about.

Answer 3

I would not say anything about it before the wedding, because you don't want to rock the boat this close to things. Weddings are stressful enough without a messy confrontation that could end up pairing you aganist your fiancee. After the wedding though, I would absolutely say something to him, in a letter.

For now, just suck it up, and miss him at the rehearsal dinner - but it's his loss. Focus on your wedding and your future marriage, and don't worry too much about this guy. He's not worth it.

Answer 4

Try to calm down. Send a car for them. You do not want to upset your fiance. MAKE this a happy time. Just call a limo service He cant help it. Try to not be a bridezilla. These things happen. If you cant afford a limo, then it will still be a beautiful wedding. ( Just wrote an answer to a person planning a wedding and told her to skip the bridal party and just have a simple one-bet you wished you did.) Congratulations though and do not let anything get to you ok? Take some deep breaths and enjoy your beautiful time.

Answer 5

I'd move one of the groomsmen up to Best Man status and move this moron down to the end of the line. A tremendous amount of thought and money goes into a wedding. To allow him to short circuit it in any way should not be tolerated. He is an adult and as an adult he should be capable of making adult decisions. What kind of yo yo can't chalk up gas money?? That's pure bull sheet. Really, move the loser aside. If his mom gets P-O ed, then too frigging bad.

Answer 6

I'd buy him a bus ticket - for Thursday - and tell him his ONLY option is to sleep on the couch for the one night. Riding with his parents is not an option, as they won't be where he has committed to be in time.

Someone else in the bridal party should have room for another adult in their car...he can ride to the photo location with one of the ushers.

Hopefully, your MOH will be responsible enough to get herself there on time.

Answer 7

Girl I know exactly how you feel! My fiance's groomsmen have known for OVER A YEAR that they would have to get tuxes and pay for them themselves, since we can't afford to. Two out of three are so effing lazy that they won't do it. We even had to demote the best man to groomsman because he was just so lazy. Daniel (my fiance) probably won't get a bachelor party or anything because his friends are jerks. It sucks.

Answer 8

I know it is frustrating and although you can't controll anyone's actions, you can choose not to let it upset you. He stands next to the groom. It's not rocket science. It will be fine. You will be beautiful, and you are beginning something so good that this little speck of an inconvenience is nothing in the grander scheme of things.

IMO just tell him he will be missed and have a great time with the folks who are there for you.

Answer 9

He can't afford to drive??? Did he sell his car? Does he not have $20 in his account for gas? Can his parents or brother loan him gas money? Taxi money?

You don't need to deal with this. It is your fiance's brother. Have him do the dirty work. Bottom line, the Best Man (hard to call him that now huh?) needs to be there. He made a commitment and he needs to follow through.

Good luck!

Answer 10

this really hits home with me.. I agree with Barthebear, if he says he can't make it..he can't make it..that doesn't mean he doesn't feel bad about it and certainly doesn't mean he's not as good a friend/person. It's not like he's leaving you in a burning building...he just can't make it to the rehearsal dinner..and you say you're not bridezilla? he is not required to save money for YOUR wedding...that's your job. he can spend money on whatever he wants and shouldn't be judged the way you are. you kinda are acting rudely. send a car or help him in whatever way he needs to get there..if he can't then you should remain pleasant..that's what real friends do...it's what good people do. for the sake of your marriage, i hope you can chill out and find some peace.