Mother in law?

Question

I have a 13 week old son, and my mother in law has only seen him when he was 2 weeks, even though she only lives 10 minutes away, (she is usually drunk by morning tea) the time she did see him was only so she could say to hubbies brother that she had. Now his sister is up, and she called insisting that she come over today. I have plans with my friends and i told her that, ad she said, 'thats fine i will mind the baby'. I dont want to leave him with her, and i resent taht she only sees him so she can seem the good grandma to everyone else. Should I say something to her?

Answer 1

If she is a drunk, then definitely DO NOT leave the baby with her! Tell her that you had plans already and leave the house, with the baby, before she gets there. Tell her you'd love to arrange another time for her to come by and visit with the "family" - so that you can supervise.

Answer 2

I didn't find a question but enjoyed reading it anyway. It is good advice and even though nobody asked you, thanks for writing it. As a MIL I would like to add a simple MYOB MIL. Translated means Mind Your Own Business Mother In Law. Not to the above writer, she's cool. But please ... MIL's .. don't give advice when you are not asked and don't tell anybody how to do something. You may be very experienced at being a mother, grandmother....etc. but things change from time to time and family to family. So, if we all MOurOB everyone is happy. It's hard not to tell a DIL she is putting the diaper on the wrong end of the baby but she'll find out soon enough.

Answer 3

It's a hard situation to be in .. but you are right in keeping your plans with your friends. Just be insistent that the "house" rules are such that if she cares to visit (or anyone else for that matter) there must be at least a days notice and plans already in place take priority. If she persists on asking why... just be honest. Tell her as you see it and then say thanks for calling... hang up and let her think on it for a bit... YOU are the baby's parent...and you can spot the "situational" grandma every time keeping the baby safe and somewhat shielded from this drunkard is a duty... HANG IN THERE!

Answer 4

I cant believe that you do not feel comfortable saying no. This is your child you are speaking of. You owe that baby protection. That means not leaving the baby with this person. Call and say you will INVITE her another time. Then Don't!!!!!Be sure to use the word invite. Why do people think they can drop in? that is rude.

Answer 5

First off take your baby with you today. Say he is included in your plans. Do not leave him home if grandma is going to come over drunk.
And the second thing is be glad she doesnt come over because you dont need your baby around a drunk. I wouldnt say anything, just be glad she doesnt come around.

Answer 6

I read this and said out loud "Oh my god, no!" This woman no matter what blood she is, is a perfect stranger. It would be like handing the kid to a stranger on the street and say "here, watch him for me." Tell her you have other plans, and if you can you will bring the child over for the sister to see. Period. Stand up for your child and the h*ll with this poor excuse for a grandmother.

Answer 7

Don't say anything to her, that will just start a massive family argument. Just tell her thanks for the offer but your friends are all looking forward to seeing the baby and leave it at that. Certainly you're right not to want to leave your child with her, and it sounds as though she'll forget about this straightaway as long as you don't confront her. Good luck.

Answer 8

What does your husband say about it? I have experience dealing with MANY people that do the "right thing" for the wrong reasons; usually to gain narcissistic supply [google that phrase] from people so they look good.

Remember, also to have to keep your 1st commitment.

Answer 9

please do NOT leave the child unattended with the mother in law....

your mother in law seems to have an alcoholism problem, and is likely ill-equipped to babysit anyone.

people with addictions care about nothing but their addiction. it's a terrible illness, and struggle... so it's not that she doesn't want to see the grandchild, but her addiction comes first.

if you have to cancel your plans, do it for you and your child.

i don't know what you'd say to your mother in law, except the truth "you need help and i don't trust you with the child"....

take care of YOU and that precious child, ok? your mother in law needs to take care of her problems... you can't do it for her.

hug

Answer 10

just tell her the fact that she has only been around the baby once does not ease your mind and comfort you with leaving him alone. maybe if she came over move often u would feel more comfortable. ur not being mean ur just speaking the truth!