How do I teach my 6.5 year old to pay attention in class and follow the teacher's instructions ??

Question

I have a difficult situation at home. My elder daughter (8.5 yrs) is easy to manage with little explanation and direction. And my 6.5 yr old son has chosen to be the opposite ... he is wilful, refuses direction from me + teachers and refuses to pay attention in class + do his required work.

Since I believe in a stress free childhood, they go to a school that only has 15 students in a class, does not believe in scolding or threatening kids and teaches them at their own pace. But even with all these facilities - my son does not complete the work required of him. Instead he disrupts class, argues with the teacher and throws tantrums. Initially I thought it would pass away - but then I realised it was more serious ... so I adopted the carrot and stick approach. But now we are in a situation where if I don't use the stick ... he does not toe the line. And this is just what I do not want.

The situation is more difficult because the elder one has early puberty and is more mature ! HELP.

The doctors have pronounced him normal. No ADD or ADHD ...

Answer 1

Do you think that perhaps he needs boundaries?

Some kids thrive on boundaries, and absolutely need to know when they've gone too far. It's not that they're bad kids, but they don't automatically know how to behave.

My kids sound like the mirror images of yours. My daughter excells in school, she's been described as "a teacher's dream". My son, who hasn't started K yet.. well, let's just say that I'm very happy that the K teacher is experienced and sets boundaries.

When I say setting boundaries, I don't mean beatings or anything like that.. instead some "for every actions there is a reaction" type of treatment. If the kids feel that they can get away with whatever, boys like ours will.. and unfortunately they will also learn that they aren't responsible for their own behaviours.

Good luck! I hope you find a good sollution!

Answer 2

My son showed the same signs at the same age as your son. He ended up being diagnosed with ADD. He's now much older and is permanently on stimulant medication and it is a miracle for him. He cannot function without. But at so young an age, I wouldn't go to medication first. Try the nutrition approach. There are some children that are lacking in certain essential amino acids and fatty acids and it affects their attention and listening ability. There are supplements in health food stores that can help. It's called Effelex. Or you could take your child to a naturopath, and they'll get him on the right track. My son is now 19 and though the nutrition approach helps, it didn't do the total job for him, so unfortunately he needs medication. But try natural first, and see what happens. You may be lucky and discover your son has a mild case of ADD. But these nutritional supplements cannot be ignored. They work magic. My son needs both! For some reason, boys develop this more than girls. But don't give up. Start trying this method and see if it'll help him. Good luck!

Answer 3

Probably a good place to start is your doctor. Then if all checks out fine, start and set up a discipline procedure. You have to be constant with this and let him know you will check with the school to see how his behaviour is as well.
When the behaviour is unacceptable at home or in school you need to spank each and every time it happens. Rule of thumb is one spank for each year of age on the skin of the bottom. So 6 or 7 spanks no more no less.
I am sure you will get the results your looking for quickly. But you have to be very very consistent. That is the key to good behaviour.

Answer 4

Is it a stress free life for you? Maybe your philosophy isn't working with this strong willed child. You might check out some other more old fashioned options. Ask your grandparents or some elders you respect how they would manage him and give it a try. This generation of children is the most obnoxious, spoiled, out of control, and hard to bear in public. Maybe some of our grandparents had it right with discipline. You can spank and be loving. No one says you have to yell and you can love on him right after so he knows its the behavior you don't like instead of him.

Answer 5

I agree with what most of the others are saying. Please set a doctor's appointment and get your son checked out first. If nothing is found, then maybe your son needs a few boundaries as in what is expected of him and how to behave. Do you think maybe your son is creating stress for the teacher and other students by acting out and what about the stress at home? I think by not getting him checked out and setting expectations for him you are creating more stress not less.
Good luck!

Answer 6

Spare the rod, spoil the child.
You answered your own question. You believe in a "stress free" childhood that doesnt scold the kid. Now you know why sometimes you have to punsih your kids. Move your kid to a regular school where their are immidiate consiquences for his actions and the problem will fix itself.
I still remember my young years. The threat of the paddle kept us inline and we turned out great.

Answer 7

its not difficult, spare the rod, spoil the child. disapline is not somthing we enjoy doing as parents, its what we must do in order to prevent our children from growing up and becoming monsters. life has consequences for poor choices and poor behavior. the longer you wait to establish who is in control the harder it will be turn them around. you have allowed him to over run you at home, now he sees it as acceptable behavior outside the home. problem is, one day he will be old enough for the law to punish him. trust me, you dont want that to happen. i have three boys. the oldest is the easiest. my youngest is the hardest. he is a challenge. you must establish control, you dont have it now but you must break his will to defy you. disipline always needs to be followed up with love. are you the parent whose kid throws a tantrum in the middle of the store? im the parent who will spank my sons asss in the middle of that same store. its very seldom a problem. i understand your "no stress" idea, but it does not work and only causes you lots of stress. "stress" as you call it is a part of life. try some tuff love, your the boss, put your foot down and hold him accountable for his disregard for rules and his poor choices. it will get much worse if you dont. one more thing, this talk of a.d.d., im 99% sure thats not your problem as it isnt with most kids that end up being put on ridilan. a pill does not remedy poor parenting........look for those kinds of options as a last resort.

Answer 8

you have discovered what so many other ' stress free childhood" parents have discovered. That the world doesn't work when you let your kids run the show. Take a firm hand and start punishing his bad behaviour with something that really hurt and makes him think twice about behaving badly or you will have raised yet another self important , selfish sociopath.

Answer 9

He's a normal kid. At 6.5 years old (1st/2nd grade), most kids don't have the attention span to sit through class for however long. I was like that back then, heh. Tell him what you expect of him. He'll get the attention span as he ages.

P.S. I still don't pay that much attention in class, but I do well.

Answer 10

Okay first off does your know who is in control ? I would start making very clear that I was the one in control . You can use time out and spanking . I know alot of ppl dont believe in spanking these days and maybe alot of the problem stems from that ,however you need to make it very clear that if he does not start listening you will take everything he likes in his room away and do it . no tv,no playtime ,no nothing untill his behavior improves and if it does then dont give him everything back at once . do it gradually and if he starts cutting up again ,clear the room again . I hope I helped . good luck.