I had known for a while now that my son was gay and was not surprised when he finally came out to me yesterday. the problem is his father (my ex husband) is going to hit the roof when or if he finds out. He is extreamely religious and i mean extreamely. He and his new wife are pastors of their own church and have publicly condemed homosexuals. In fact they are one of those types who belive that it can be cured "as long as they have god into their lives." He and my son already don't understand each other because my son is not into religion at all. his father forced him to get baptized to quote" keep the evil away" My son was not happy after that and told me he never wanted to see his dad again. He is going back and forth as to ever tell him, but he knows his father will find out eventually and either try to "cure" him or worse flat out reject him. He is scared of both outcomes even though throughout his life his father has never really been there for him. What should my son do?
2007-06-25 09:04:45 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My son is 17 by the way. And My Ex just became a born again christian a few years ago when he met and married his second wife. Before that he was a womanizer and drug user. Go Figure.
2007-06-25 11:59:02 · update #1
well, i can say one thing for sure -- your ex husband sounds like a delusional, bible thumping maniac, living inside an old book instead of in the real world.
i'm sorry for your son, and the situation with his father. and here, i thought ministers and pastors were supposed to be non-judgmental and god-like ? (i guess i've been mistaken). and he is a religious man, and hasn't "been there" for your son? that takes the cake, doesn't it?
at least YOU accept your son for who he is, and that is what is important. Your love and care and support will get him through -- even though he is going to have difficult times, i'm sure.
perhaps your son needs to keep his sexuality to himself. after all, he doesn't need to advertise it.... when it comes down to it, hon, our sexuality is no one else's business!
wish i could give you both a hug! take care...
2007-06-25 09:42:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't sound like much of a minister to me having not been there for your son and condemning people in his church services.What kind of minister is that?
Your son must be old enough to stand up for himself.If his father won't accept him,then so be it.It's his loss.
The important thing is that you stand by your son and love him as you always have.He is still your same son and always will be.Don't worry about what other people think.
Being gay is accepted now and more open which is a good thing.If I were your son,I wouldn't go out of my way to tell his father but if he gets the opportunity to do so,I would.Tell him not to be afraid.God will be with him.If he goes "through the roof" let him and tell him to go back to his church and pray for his son.That should quiet him.
Tell your son to be strong and proud.He has nothing to be ashamed of.Support him and be there for him.
God Bless you and your son and all the best.
2007-06-25 09:25:38 · answer #2 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If in a case where something like this has happened to your mom, would it not make you happy if you made a difference in her life? I believe just as how she has risked everything to make you happy then you should return this favour and do the same as well. Think of it this way, are you really going to be happy knowing that the mother that has brought you up to where you are today is sad? It's very hard also to tell you in more detail when I don't know the situation that is either going to make you happy or not, but generally it can be talked out and settled to something where both of you will be happy :)
2016-05-20 01:05:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all that matters right now is that you accept him. i went to gay pride yesterday and i learned a lot more about the gay community. god loves everyone all the same regardless of their sexuality. encourage ur son to get into a group of other young teenagers who are coming out and how they are dealing at home so he can find out about their situations and feel comforted in the fact that its not easy coming out! i commend u for being a great loving mom. don't let his fathers opinion stop him from living his life.
2007-06-25 09:25:11 · answer #4 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all now that he has came out to you doesn't mean you can start telling everyone on his behalf. If you are asked by someone if he is gay you still don't have the right to 'out' him. Just say "that something you'll have to ask him".
As for his father I wouldn't worry about it. Your son doesn't need to explain anything to his father. Its his life and he can live as he chooses. I wouldn't hide it from him but i wouldn't go out of my way to come out to him. Coming out will just cause unwarranted problems and will upset your son. Chance are he'll get called hateful names and told he is going to hell. No one deserves to be treated like that. He's going to encounter many people throughout his life that will treat him differently because he is gay. Those are the people he needs to cut out of his life. He should surround himself with positive people and forget about the ******* of the world.
2007-06-25 09:20:22 · answer #5 · answered by tender loving dyke 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
amazing he is so religious that he is divorced how convenient for him, these people never seem to amaze me with their hate and discontent for other people. your son has a right to a happy life and he needs to realize that something is wrong with his dad and not him. I have a five year old son and I could not think of one thing he could do or be that would ever stop me from supporting him or loving him. what a shame because you know what, it's all for nothing there is no magic man in the sky that rewards you for being intolerant of others in his name.
2007-06-25 09:14:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forget about telling his father. He will just condemn him even more and will tell him he is going to Hell and make your son's life more miserable. If he finds out on his own, then it is up to your son to talk with him about it. But I would not advice your son to come out in the open with this, knowing that he will be rejected for his beliefs.
2007-06-25 09:10:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
So your ex husband condems homosexuality but not divorce? Sounds like a hypocrit to me. The only thing you can do is support you son 110% and be there for him.
2007-06-25 09:10:14 · answer #8 · answered by California Kush 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't have much to do with his father??? Why does he think he has to explain his sexual preference to him?? He already knows what his stand would be, Does he kind of want to rub his nose in it so to speak?? Sometimes it's best to live your life and forget the confessions.. pronouncements or what ever .
2007-06-25 09:11:30 · answer #9 · answered by fuzzykitty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old your son is..but anyway why would you discuss your sex life with anyone anyway? Why do people think gays need to announce it? Just live a good life and it's noone else's business!
2007-06-25 09:18:12 · answer #10 · answered by Grandma Shorty 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋