As a christian how am I suppose to deal with a gay friend?

Question

I am a whole hearted christian and believe in the bible. I don't condon being gay, however it is decision that my friend has made. I love him, and feel that it is important for me to see past my own expectations and except him no matter what, seeing as how he accepts me despite our faith differences. Is it wrong to feel this way? Does God expect differently?

It looks like miss Laura needs to re-read my questions. I already accept him, I just get told by others that it is misleading and wrong. I have a hard time believing that. Laura, pay attention when answering!

Answer 1

I have recently taken this journey, myself. It can be confusing and jarring at first, but let me offer you a bit of comfort in saying that you are not in charge of changing your friend. And chances are that as confused as you might be right now, his head is really a mess. Granted, this has been something on his mind for a long time, but taking this step is going to really be hard on him. I found that the best way in which I could be the love of Christ to my friends was to simply accept them as they are (heck, God's accepted me as I am - messes and all) and just allow my friends to voice what they're going through. They need it. You wont be much help in hindering that portion of their life.

I think one of the difficulties we face as Christians is this idea that homosexuality is a "special sin." It's not popular to say, but I can't get around the message of the Bible and this it is sin - however, I cannot condone it as being something horrifically special in such of a way as to be the cause of loosing ones salvation or God's love. That just isn't so. My perspective has been that we all struggle with different things and yet God seems to love us anyway so we all just need to learn how to get along a little better.

Some advice for when you're talking to your friend - don't treat him any differently. He's still the same person you've known, you just get to know a little more about him. Honor that by not judging him or treating him differently. Remember, this has been very scary for him to tell you. Also, try not to let it show if you find yourself grossed out by his behavior. All this will do is create a rift in your friendship. And if your friend falls in love with another guy, don't treat that love as a lesser love. It might be difficult for people like us to understand, but it is in fact a very real love. Finally, remember that your friend is still the same person so try not to find yourself treating him as your "gay friend."

I hope that helps a little. This will be a difficult journey for you to take, but I encourage you to really seek out the answers in the Bible and to allow yourself to ask the difficult questions.

Answer 2

Good question, and a very relevant and real life issue to grapple with, where one's faith is tested and stretched! The knowledge you gain from this experience will definitely lead you to further spiritual growth in Christ, no matter what else happens!

Well, you have a great advantage over most people who are introduced to those who choose a gay lifestyle along their path. You have known him before he even made his decision, right? That means you already know him as someone who just became "gay" identified. You've known him before all this and that means you don't see him as just that "gay". You know his likes, dislikes, friends and family, right? Just keep treating him like you have been, with that love of Christ that you have for him. If you haven't told him that you disagree with him, do make that clear, and tell him there is hope for overcoming this issue in Christ, if he is ever interested in hearing about it. Then, just drop the matter and go on. If he introduces you to his friends and lover(s), just identify them by the legitimate side of his needs, them being just that, friends. Not his erotic and gay world playmates. They are no more sinful than any of us. We are all beggars, but the ONLY difference is that we have the bread! Don't let this issue become what it only appears to be, larger than life itself. It isn't. The same gospel and its power can and will transform your friend, if and when he gets tired of it all. That probably isn't for now, and maybe won't be for years. But your love for him is like a seed planted in his wandering heart. Who knows just when it'll germinate and take root? Just don't give up on him, even if or when you move far away from each other. He'll always remember you and your scary, opposing, yet intriguing faith, because it is motivated by your love for him!

Answer 3

No -- love and acceptance are all that we can show to them. The Bible does say that homosexuality is a sin, stemming from a perverse nature, but what would Jesus do, eh? He hung out with prostitutes, hypocrites, etc. and loved them all, so I'm assuming he'd love gay people just as much.

Answer 4

No, it's not wrong to feel this way at all. I think it's the exact way you should feel. God expects us to love everyone. If you do not agree with homosexuality, for the sake of argument, let's say that homosexual acts are unrighteous. Matthew 5:45 says, "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." God doesn't pick and choose whom he loves. He loves all of us. We should follow that example. I think you are doing the exact thing that God calls us to do.

Answer 5

Just like that saying says. Love the Sinner, but Hate the Sin.
I have a couple of gay friends too and it's really hard to talk to them about God, their first reaction is getting offensive. all you can do is pray for them. and ask God to touch their hearts, you won't see a one day miracle,but if you have faith and patience than you'll see...

Answer 6

Well, first off, I must point out one area of faulty wording. "However it is a decision that my friend has made." Oh Jessica, you need to stop listening to your clergy right there because you can ask literally any homosexual person and they will tell you "No, of course it's not a choice or a decision!"

It's not wrong to feel this way, despite what your religion may teach (because well, Christianity is morally wrong here, and I'm not afraid to say it).

Answer 7

i dont understand how in this day and age christians STILL think homosexuality is a 'choice' one makes or as you put it, 'decides' to be gay...
i'll make this as simple as i can for you; what do you think is the more likely scenario, a person is born gay or chooses to be a pariah in society? in other words, if you can tell me when you made the decision to be a heterosexual, i just may rethink things...sexuality is not chosen, you are what you are and you are attracted to whom you are attracted. there is no choice being made, you are either sexually attracted to someone or you are not. sexuality is determined by genetics and homosexuality while not 'normal' is definitely 'natural' and is due to mutation of whatever gene or genes regulate sexuality. that's it...simple no?
so embrace your friend and give him/her the love they deserve and that you want to give to them...god, he really has nothing whatsoever to do with this and i'm guessing that if he exists, would be quite pleased with your 'decision'.

Answer 8

I have many gay friends... [and some that just think they're gay.] :)
However, you should hate the sin, and disdain it kindly when you have the chance, but otherwise to love them as a friend.

DO NOT spend too much time around them, though. Even though you may see it as a bad sin now, over time, it WILL wear on you and not seem so bad after all (and not "might wear on you" but "WILL"). I had a friend who abhored homosexuality (he was not homophobic, but rather "sin-ophobic"), but over time, being around his friends, he succumbed to such, and now goes around and tries to prove from the Bible that homosexuality is okay... he left his loving wife and kids in order to go with another man...... BIG turn around.

Be CAREFUL, but LOVING. Try to win them to Christ without giving yourself to their sin. Once you give in, you lose all hope for a testimony for Christ around them. Do NOT even experiment or joke about giving in, because your actions ALWAYS follow your thoughts and beliefs.

Pray for them! God ALWAYS answers prayer, but it may not be on your schedule (Yes, He ALWAYS answers prayer. The answer is either "Yes" "No" or "Wait -- not right now" but He always answers!).
I know a man who prayed for 55 years for his wife to get saved... three months before she died, she accepted Christ as her savior... just keep praying!
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TO Dojoman:
God HATES homosexuality. In the Garden of Eden, he put Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. God hates homosexuality, and He created us, so do you honestly think that God would create us to be the very thing that He hates? What kind of a God do you think He is? That's certainly not the God of the Bible!

Answer 9

Firstly, chances are your friend isn't gay by choice but rather by nature. Second, what do you mean "deal with"? You "deal with" problems, not loved ones. Jesus taught acceptance, love, and tolerance - not judgement. You're right, you should accept him for who he is. I don't believe ANY TRUE deity would judge a person based on who they chose to be intimate with or who they loved. That's just utter nonsense created by homophobic alpha males (probably self-loathing closet homosexuals themselves) to exert control over others.

Answer 10

You are supposed to love him...tell him about Jesus, there are a lot of Gay people that love God..be his friend and accept him no matter what...Love thy neighbor..I personally think God wants us to demonstrate his unconditional love to all his children no matter what..My uncle is gay so I know what you are going through.It can be confusing but remember, we are not perfect either we are just saved..We sin everyday, the difference is, we are supposed to try not too...Good Luck and just keep loving your friend and pray that he comes to know Jesus..