A co-worker of mine got married about a year ago. She had a lovely bridal shower, which I attended, and a very small wedding, with only family attending. The couple had originally wanted to have a much larger, more lavish ceremony, but rushed to the alter because she was pregnant. Now, a year later, the couple and their parents have decided to have the lavish ceremony and reception that they had wanted in the first place, with all thier family and friends in attendance. I think that's great, but when I recieved my invitation, I noticed that the couple has registered AGAIN for gifts and is planning on having a 2ond bridal shower. I think this is incredibly tacky, seeing as they had one just a year before and are technically already married. Is it me, or is this just wrong???
2007-06-25 08:08:56 · 45 answers · asked by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Keep in mind, I work with this girl. I have to see her every day. I don't want any confrontations if I don't bring a gift. If she does confront me about it, what should I say?
2007-06-25 08:16:16 · update #1
That isn't right. I could understand her wanting the wedding...though technically, its a vow renewal...but another shower is really bad, IMO.
I would say I can't make the shower, so sorry, but have fun...then go to the wedding and bring a gift there only. It's highly unlikely she'd confront you about not giving her a gift. If she does, basically that's so rude, all bets for politeness are off...
2007-06-25 08:26:43 · answer #1 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Putting registry info into the invitation is a no-no to begin with. A second shower is also a no-no. It isnt just you, this couple didnt think things through very well.
However, that said, EVERYONE would do well to remember that gifts ARE optional and that REGISTERING doesnt mean you get more gifts or even those off of your registry.... all it is is a wish list (and sometimes a way to get a discount, as the store will often give the couple a discount on the items from the registry after the event as incentive for them to buy, buy, buy).
Go to the wedding, show her your support, but by all means DO NOT get a gift if you do not want to. Any gift should come from the heart and the couple will know if you "just got them something to get by" if you show up with some cheap dimestore trinket. Get a well-wishing card, and enjoy the festivities!
2007-06-25 08:35:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The gaul of some people? I would say give her and her husband a very nice card and nothing more. Or if anything, and only to keep the peace, get her something off of the clearance rack at walmart - like a single picture frame. I remember when my cousin and his gf got married (after they already had a baby together), they had a pampered chef bridal shower, a lingirie bridal shower, another bridal shower with her friends, and then a "tool & pantry" shower which is where both the groom and bride attend and get gifts. I had to buy four gifts! For a wedding that only lasted as many years! I think it's just greedy. I am getting married and we've decided that since we basically have everything we need, if someone wants to throw us a shower, we will accept and register only at one store (bed, bath, & beyond - his fav store) and also at a travel agency giving people the option to "donate" money as a gift towards a honeymoon package that we choose. That way if someone can only give $5 or $10 bucks instead of having them feel bad about giving it in a card they can simply say "Hey I contributed to your honeymoon." It's a win-win situation all around.
2007-06-25 08:46:22 · answer #3 · answered by MelA 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You aren't wrong, its tacky to ask for gifts twice. Perhaps the reason was that some people weren't invited to the shower and obviously didn't come to the wedding b/c it was small, so its just info for those people. If they didn't have a guy's shower, then not many male friends probably had anything to do with the wedding, so again, maybe its just informative information, not asking for another from you. I'd say if you really want to avoid confrontation (though for her to say something would be REALLY INCREDIBLY RUDE!) get on the registry and buy the cheapest thing on there. Or give her a picture frame or something small.
2007-06-25 08:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by its about time 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The 2nd bridal shower is tacky.
I know someone who had a 2nd reception for friends after a wedding for just family, but it was several months after the wedding. Never looked to see if there was a registry, I gave a gift without thinking.
I am not sure I would find it tacky, I just think they should have had it as an anniversary party instead and not registered. People would have given gifts anyway.
2007-06-25 08:26:30 · answer #5 · answered by no_frills 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i agree it's kind of weird. if you are worried about her saying something why don't you just give her a small gift. It would be rude of her to say anything about how much money you spent. but at the same time it might be rude to go and get free entertainment and food and not give a gift. I think I would just skip the shower if I were you. that is weird anyways to have another shower a year later. anyways the wedding isn't that bad because it sounds like she didn't really have one in the first place. so that i would get her a gift for but for the shower i wouldn't and i wouldn't go either just tell her you are sorry but you already made plans that day.
2007-06-25 08:23:15 · answer #6 · answered by Supermommy!!! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, this is incredibly tacky and rude! You never ever do this!
If you are invited to the ceremony and want to go, by all means, go. If you have already purchased them a wedding present that was intended for that purpose, off a wedding registry, then you do not have to bring a gift this time!
I can't believe she would ask, but if she does, say this," I already sent you a wedding present when you actually got married, remember? This was a renewing of your vows, not another wedding!".
2007-06-25 11:19:52 · answer #7 · answered by valschmal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Professional Advice ---- This would fall under the catergory of vow renewal. Unfortunately (for the already married couple), a vow renewal is not the time to upgrade your new kitchen or china collection. They should skip the gifts and don't hold a shower . No need to turn this intimate soiree into a four-day festivity. As they say, the presence of the guests is their present. If the guest would like to give a gift, they suggest that they make a donation to the couples favorite charity.
2007-06-25 09:07:22 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's tacky to put registry information in a wedding invitiation, and it's tacky to hold a second wedding with the same couple and expect people to go to another shower and give more wedding gifts. I'm sorry they felt cheated out of a big wedding, but sometimes one has to choose between a big wedding and a quick marriage.
If you do not attend the shower, you are not obligated to send a gift, and wedding gifts are always optional...particularly when the couple in question has already been married for a year.
2007-06-25 08:36:31 · answer #9 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are invited to the second shower and do not go, you do not have to send a gift. If she confronts you, that is the essence of rudeness and you do NOT want her as a friend. If you do go to the 2nd shower then bring a small gift not necessarily from the registry. Regarding the wedding reception, that is in poor taste so long after the shotgun wedding but if you go you need to send a wedding gift unless you had already sent a wedding gift to the private wedding they had last year. In other words, shower gifts are not wedding gifts. If you decline, you do not have to send one since a card is sufficient. In fact I would get a wedding card that makes it obvious that this is too late of a reception. One that says ' Looking forward to your wedding day' or some such thing just to remind!!!!!!
2007-06-25 09:25:33 · answer #10 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋