I had two children previous to the two I have now. One child passed away and I gave the other child up for adoption. I have pictures and I know they will ask questions about who the childern are, plus I want to tell them when the time is right. I really do not know what the best age or time to tell my childern now about the others. They do understand death, which I'm sure not completely, but enough to know the child is no longer coming back. How should I handle this situation?
2007-06-25 08:02:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to make sure that they understand the concept of death first. I think my cousins were going into first grade or sooner when my aunt told them about her first baby girl. It's up to your mother's instinct and they may not completely understand it at first but they will and they will ask you the questions when they have them. Just don't offer up too much info at first you choose to tell them when they are young. They will ask you when they want to know and understand.
2007-06-26 10:44:45 · answer #1 · answered by IeNj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say about age 7-8, at least.
A 3-4 year old would be terrified, that something bad happens to kids. And YOUR kids. You would be scaring them unnecessarily. They may want to know when THEY are going to die or be given away. Very scary stuff for anyone.
At age 7-8, they are intellectually and emotionally better able to understand loss, pretend, death, and the "future."
About the same time they figure out Santa.
I would even put away the pictures until they are older. Unless, you have pictures of other dead family members you can discuss, too. Like gramma or Aunt Lucy.
2007-06-25 08:19:34 · answer #2 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it might be nice to write a story about your 2 children with pics if you have any..using thier names etc...then tell your children the story explaining that thier sibling was poorly or whatever happened .Maybe include pics of angels for the deceased child and say your passed child is now an angel in heaven or use the stars at night and say they are stars that are twinkling... it may be easier starting earlier, cos you can explain death in a much more simplified way at the moment, kids accept that someone as gone to heaven you can then answer questions if and when they arise. The only thing i can think of for explaining the adopted child is that they went to live with a new mummy and daddy, and you gave them to them as a special present. Hope i helped and im sorry for your previous loss Tracey xxx
2007-06-25 08:20:29 · answer #3 · answered by Tracey H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one...you want to protect them as long as you can without the truth scaring them...but at the same time if you wait until they are much older, then you face the risk of them resenting you for lying to them for so long! I think if you have an keep pictures around the house that you're opening the lines of communications. If they ask who they are, then answer honestly...but keep the details limited..."they are in heaven with God now"...or she/he doesn't live with us, but we still love them"....and as they grow up there will be other questions, but the truth has never been hidden and you can gradually release the details at a comfortable pace!
2007-06-25 08:20:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should wait until there a little older to fully comprehend. 3-4 is a little to young and they don't quite understand the full aspect of death. When the time do come try to be as plain and brief as possible you dont need to go into details. When they are much much older if they ask again then you can explained in details.
2007-06-25 08:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by beliz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with you there are opinions from a to z saying when is the best time to do anything. You have 2yr old nowadays being accepted into mensa so when it comes down to it you have to be in tuned with your children's level of understanding and be able to communicate to it. It's true they won't understand things put to them in one way but they will another. So usually if they ask it's best to at least attempt to answer them on their level and as they age more explain things in a more mature way. Time and life has a way of helping you out with all matters.
2007-06-25 08:27:45 · answer #6 · answered by MeHurdu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait till the statements about siblings arrive from them..like my daughter is 7 and she is comparing her 3 brothers to her friend who has 2 sisters that are only 1/2 and she sais oh i wish i had a sister.. and then I explain a little that she does somewhere have another sister and 2 brothers...her father who she doesnt know has more children. Only mention little things here and there till they really come to you and say .. well...mom you said ...... then ellaborate on it. You are their mother so You are the only one that can feel them out and know when the time is right.
2007-06-25 08:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have told my son from the age of 2 that he has a brother and sister in heaven, as for the one you put up for adoption, tell them in a words a child can understand, believe me, children are more perceptive than you think, and know something isn't quite right.
2007-06-25 08:19:16 · answer #8 · answered by keep_christ_in_christmas_11 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until they are at least in their teens. Any earlier, especially under 10 yrs. and they might worry that something will happen to them too. Do you feel that is necessary to tell them at all? I'm not so sure it is even necessary for them to know.
2007-06-25 08:39:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure you should handle this at all, you sound like you don't make very good decisions in your life. you could not even keep from getting pregnant four times. wait until they are a lot older, at 3 and 4 they really don't understand no matter how smart you think they are. although they do sound like they may already be smarter than their mom!!
2007-06-25 08:10:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋