Limericks - favourites?

Question

What is your favourite limerick and why?

Answer 1

Because it does not rhyme.

There was a young man from St Bees
Who got stung on the knee by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He said "no not a bit
It can do it again if it likes"

Answer 2

There once was a Vicar of Bray
Who allowed his roses to decay.
His wife, more alert,
Bought a powerful squirt
And said to her spouse,
'Let us spray'.

Second choice:
There was a young man from Devises
Whose ears were of different sizes.
The one that was small
Was of no use at all,
But the other won several first prizes.

My father had a book of Limericks. Sadly I don't know what happened to it.

Weezie_699 - That's not a Limerick. It's a Scotsman's epitaph engraved on his headstone.
'Here I lie, broken hearted, paid a penny and only farted.'
With apologies to all Scots.

Answer 3

Mary had a little sheep
And with this sheep
She went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb

A blonde girl named Emily Skinner
Would not eat a bite of her dinner
She’d been painting her door
And the man at the store
Had told her she had to get thinner


Once a sleepy blonde server, Liz Dower
Had a dream she was taking a shower
When she woke she construed
She was totally nude
But by God she’d made tips that half hour!


A blonde-haired young lady from Wales
Applied for a job tracking sales
When they asked, “Can you file?”
She proceeded to smile
And held up ten pretty red nails


Acme’s chief of financial affairs
Hires as many dumb blondes as he dares
Though they can’t do math well
He just thinks that it’s swell
To be working with figures like theirs

He’s charming and handsome and slim
But Mary is dumping her Tim:
He’s unfaithful and brash
And won’t put out the trash,
Although all the trash put out for him.


I awoke late last night in my bed
With a grandiose scheme in my head
For ascending Mount Everest,
But it wasn’t my cleverest,
So I went to the bathroom instead.


“This looks like two squid on two bikes,”
Said the surgeon of poor Michael Sykes,
As he held up the tumor
(He just loved stand-up humor
And could never resist open Mikes).


Arthur Jones to his bride-to-be said,
“I can shoot off this pear from your head.”
Then he missed by a hair,
But he still split a pair,
For there’s lead in the miss he misled


A gambler in debt far too deep
Was needing a way to live cheap,
So he planted by hand
Lots of crops on his land.
Now he just has to weed ‘em and reap.

Answer 4

There was a young lady called Jill
Who tried a gelignite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina in South Carolina
And bits of her **** in Brazil

Answer 5

There was a young woman from Eiling, who had a peculiar feeling, she lay on her back and opened her crack and pi**ed all over the ceiling!

I like Bridget Jones's Diary lol

Answer 6

there was a young lady called Todd
Who thought that her child was from God
twas not the almighty
that lifted her nighty
but Roger the Lodger the sod

Answer 7

There once was a young man from Brittain
Who interupted two girls at their knittin'
He said, with a sigh:
"That park bench--
Well, I
Just painted it right where you're sittin.'"

Just about the only one I've memorized.:-)

Answer 8

There was a young lady from China
Got her mobile stuck up her vagina.
Its rhythmical ring
Made her pubic hair sing
And her a**e dance fandangos behind her.

Answer 9

There once was a couple named Kelly,
Who had to walk belly-to-belly,
Because, in their haste,
They'd used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.

Answer 10

There once was a maid from Madras
Who had a most beautiful ***
It was not what you think --
Round, dimpled, and pink --
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.