He is divorced and had an affair during his marriage. He has not cheated on me, but did cheat on his last girlfriend (who was the one he had the affair with) who still wants him back. I caught him in a lie about her. Also, we live 2 hours away, but we see each other every weekend, and he has been really wonderful and open, but I just can't seem to completely trust him. Are some people just not trustworthy, or can people change?
2007-06-25 06:49:49 · 9 answers · asked by muffingirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What you are experiencing is neither jealousy nor irrational thinking. You are with someone that has admitted to cheating in a past relationship, not just a relationship but a MARRIAGE. Can people change? No. People don't change, things change. What I mean is that certain aspects of his marriage, while not excusable, may have driven him to having the affair. Yes, it is in the past but that's a big part of his past. Imagine being in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic. You trust them, but there may always be that fear in the back of your mind they will relapse. But you can't let these fears overcome you. Thinking is one thing, but if you start taking action and accuse him then you're going to put a very quick end to the relationship. The best way for you to handle this is to be open with him about your thoughts and feelings in a nonconfrontational way. Let him know you trust him, you really like him, let him know it bothered you that he lied about this ex-mistress of his and that lying is something you won't tolerate in a relationship. Don't come across to be judgemental. We're all guilty of something and chances are he may have lied to protect your feelings rather than trying to hide anything...again not excusable, just a circumstance. Base your feelings off his reactions to your words. He can't make you trust him, you have to do that on your own. Just like you can't make him do the right thing with you. This is one of those situations where you need to protect yourself until you feel the time is right to completely let your gaurd down and trust him. Also, when you talk to him, do it in person. Body language speaks in very high decibels when it comes to communication. Good luck.
2007-06-25 07:03:38 · answer #1 · answered by imagineus2night 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just not trustworthy just plain and simple. Most of the time, if you have an inklin (as my mom would say) about someone you are in a relationship with, go with it, b/c more than likely you're right. Look at his track record, he cheated on his ex-wife and and cheated on the girl he cheated on his wife with! Personally when I first would have found out he cheated on his wife, I would have left it alone. A very wise woman once told me "Fantasy is what ppl want, but reality is ultimately what we need", you feel he's NOT trustworthy and you're asking our opinion b/c you KNOW he's not trustworthy, but then again I am on the outside looking in... Just know, at the end of the day you'll be where you need to be whether it be with him or without... hope everything works out...
2007-06-25 07:00:32 · answer #2 · answered by Zee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
either you trust him or you don't. That little voice giving you the hints about him is either right, or, yes you are jealous. You and he need to talk. A lot. Be honest, tell him your concerns etc. Either he will do everything in his power to relieve your fears because he wants the relationship with you, or, he will pull an attitude, make comments about you being silly or stupid for your concerns. If it's the first, try to work things out and stop being jealous till you reall have cause. If it's the second, run, don't walk, away from him. No one need put up with that kind of silliness. Life is too short, and there are way to many good people out there for you.
Good luck.
2007-06-25 06:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by randy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe once a cheater, always a cheater. Its happened to me and I gave him more than enough chances to change, and he didnt. I think you have the right to be a little cautious though because of his past relationships. Good Luck!
2007-06-25 06:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
people only change if they want too. dont feel like you need to change him, he will come around if he wants too bad enough. he was put on Earth to only be what he is.
2007-06-25 06:53:12 · answer #5 · answered by Mz.Swag 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOPE! Once a cheat always a cheat!! Run while you still can. I know I would!!!!!!!!
2007-06-25 06:53:56 · answer #6 · answered by djc07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not likely.
2007-06-25 06:53:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just answered your own question. find another boyfriend. i do understand how you feel.if he cheated on them why would he NOT cheat on you?
2007-06-25 06:54:47 · answer #8 · answered by sher9441 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/1979/why-do-i-get-jealous;_ylc=X3oDMTFsYXBuNGM0BF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawN3aHktZG8taS1nZXQtamVhbG91cwR6egNh
2007-06-25 06:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by Peter N 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋