How can you be honest, when..?

Question

Hi,

I am currrently seeing my doctor weekly for depression amongst other things, we are trying to sort out meds and she wants me to see a psychiatrist...I know those of you who read this and who have never suffered probably already have labelled me as a nutcase, but it can happen to anyone, trust me( well maybe)..
anyway because i have been having suicidal thoughts and told my doctor my plan she was going to tell my parents, as my plan involved using something they owned...even though i am 20 years old. I am getting closer and closer to doing it and i don't know whether to say or not, i DONT want my parents knowing as it would make everything 50 million times worse (honestly) ....how can i be honest without getting my confidence broke and then feeling i have no where to turn??

please only understanding answers, hurtful answers help no one.
x

i must also say i see a counsellor and they are aware but it doesnt change the feelings

Answer 1

Hi I think your doctor is legally obliged to help you not to hurt yourself, so I'm not too sure whether you can be truly honest without your confidence being broken.
I suffer with the same kind of issues in therapy. I don't want her to find out too much because it feels like I'll lose control and I already feel out of control so I don't like that. However, I can see that telling her is acutally having beneficial effects, since I can now get to the bottom of the feelings and work them out. Can I challenge you? I mean to be gentle. I just wonder whether asking this here is about saying that you don't really want to hurt yourself and you do want help, but that you are scared of what might happen if you ask for/take it? That must be an awful place to be and I do so feel for you. Of course you don't want your parents to know. Mine don't know about me. But, I have other people. I do hope you do too. I don't know you and I can empathise to some degree, but I will never know exactly what you're feeling and so cannot presume to give advice and certainly do not judge. However, I would like to say that I do not want you to hurt yourself and if that means you need to tell of your plans, then that is what I would like you to do. I just don't want you to hurt. Much love

Answer 2

You've got to be honest. But you need to tell your doctor right now that you will consider her telling your parents a breech of doctor patient confidentialtity as you are an adult. Tell her having your parents know has made things worse.

Now you are NOT a nutcase. Many people have been where you are now, the biggest most important thing is you've got to save your own life... Mentally imagine that someone is throwing you a life preserver the round donut kind. And mentally imagine yourself taking it. Now I'm not saying the seas aren't going to be rough for awhile but when you think about doing it mentally imagine holding onto that lift preserver and it holding you up.... Sounds silly but it's not.

Now you need to be sure and call the suicide hotline when you feel this way. It's important to know that someone cares. Because people do care.

You are worth saving, don't do it. It's not an answer to anything it just leaves the people you love with more pain. Things will get better I promise. Maybe not all at once but you just hang on.

1-800-SUICIDE 1-800-273-TALK
1-800-784-2433 1-800-273-8255

Answer 3

I UNDERSTAND. Like so many people i have been there and still am to a degree. You have to have been through it to be able to understand and for those people saying pull your socks up or pull yourself together they are idiots.
Your doc would be breaking the law if he told your parents, but your do need to speak to someone who can help go through your thoughts and worries.
Suicide i can say from experiance is not the answer. I understand some people think it is the cowards way out but it takes a stronger person to stick to it and work things out than it does to end it all.
Think hard what you have to live for and if you cant think of anything think of something you want to do in the future. Write it down and put it in a envelope where you can see it.
When you are low open that envelope and read what you put, this would give you something to think of.
Or write everything down when you are feeling low, i found this great by the time i had finished i was tired and slept but felt better for it.

Answer 4

Your doctor is right you need to see a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, it is nothing to be ashamed about, I saw both when I was suffering really badly from bi-polar at about the same age as you. The thing about your parents being told about your intentions to commit suicide, this is illegal as you are over eighteen your doctor is not allowed to discuss your medical conditions with your parents. If he does do this demand a different doctor and tell the General Medical Council. The only times when a doctor can discuss your medical condition with your parents after the age of eighteen is if you have been sectioned under the mental health act or are in a form of vegetative state and therefore unable to make your own decisions.

Answer 5

I have been in the same place as you.

I told my counselor in the end and i went on and on about it - it was all i wanted to talk about as it was on my mind so much. I was obsessed with killing myself and of all the details involved.

In the end she told me she would not see me again until i was seeing a doctor regularly. I was very upset - i felt that i had no where to turn after that. I don't know if what she did was right or wrong, but i suppose she was afraid.

As i was so upset i went to my doctor - so perhaps she did me a favour....depends which way you look at it.

I ended up calling the samaritans as they were the only people i could be honest with without getting myself in trouble. However, its not the same as talking to someone face to face.

I have learnt that its better to see a proper psychiatrist when you are feeling this way - they are better equiped to help you and won't feel afraid of talking it through.

I hope you get better. xx

Answer 6

Tell your doctor that you are a legal adult and that you reserve the right to confidentiality. Next, when you broach the topic of suicide, start by saying, "I don't have a plan, I don't want to die, but I am having these thoughts that I do not plan to act on." Tell her you need to talk through these thoughts to help you feel less obessive about them and therefore less likely to act on them.

If your meds aren't working you need to see a psychiatrist. Internal medicine doctors just are not as skilled. Moreover, you need to develop a relationship with a therapist that you trust. One who will understand that you have suicidal thoughts but that you want to live. You must want to live or why else would you be reaching out for help?

Good luck. I'll be thinking about you.

Answer 7

I have two friendds suffering from depression at the moment , and so I understand you and I really feel for you.
If you experiencing suicidal thoughts please confide in as many people as you possibly can including your parents. The more people who know the better. If you are ill, and this is an illness like any other then you need the help and support of thosre around you.One of my friends is a long term depression suffereer but copes really well because she lets all her feeling out as much as possible. She suffers but she accepts her condition and her need for help.
My other friend is far more worrying , she confides nothing and I know she would be so much better if she could.

You have these thoughts , your parents reaction if you tell them may not be so bad as you think, they will help you...or if not please tell a friend someone as well as the psychiatrist.

You`ve reached out here, reach out to those around you.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Don`t give up.

Please accept a star from me as a symbolic hug.

Answer 8

I was in your place about 3 1/2yrs ago, ( i can remember when it stopped as it was that bad). I had felt sad etc for soooo many years, it got to the point where i actually enjoyed wallowing in my own self pity, it started to feel warm & cosy, (safe i suppose). I went out loads more, drank loads more, had to laugh the loudest so no-one could see the inner pain i was in. I tried suicide 4 times, each time i was 'found' ( i was in the Army), & classed a 'nutcase', really i was just sooooo tired of having to make it another day, of having to breath another day, i just didnt want to. I really really understand how you're feeling, i took my anti-depressants for 6wks, then just stopped as i felt a failure that i had to rely on them to feel good. Anyway, i accidently fell pregnant at 22yrs, i left the father ( didnt love him no point in pretending), & then it all just snapped right into place, this baby needed a mum there were times i thought about killing us both during my pregnancy, but i pulled through. There was something higher than me, a god damn life that i deserved to be a part of, & so do you. I've now married & moved abroad & had another baby. I never dreamed someone would/could love me, & considering i never wanted children i've done well! E-mail me if you fancy a chat, people say it gets beter, dont do it etc etc. But you cant feel that right now, its hollow. You will pull through & something amazing will happen to you - trust me x
Keep talking to people & let it out, your doc can't tell anyone probably just scaring you into telling your folks. See a psychiatrist & see what happens. x

Answer 9

What is the reason for your depression? think about other people around the world who suffer 50 million times worse things than you and they keep going, they don't give up. I remember when my grand-fahter was ill; he couldn't walk, speak, he couldn't even eat or breathe without help but he was always smiling, and you know why; because he knew that the darkest hour is just before dawn. Cheer Up!

Sincerely I don't know why people commit suicide; it is a selfish and coward act. Face your problems, that's the point of living. If I ever had the idea of killing myself was when I had no challenges and everything was OK. If your doctor tells your plan to your parents is because she wants to protect you. Forget your plans. You are a beautiful person.

Answer 10

I don't know English laws, (You're English aren't you?) but in the US psychiatrists are legally obligated to do certain things when a patient uses the words "suicide" or murder."

Now in the US, telling your parents would be a violation of privacy laws, and besides, unless the object you're thinking of using is a unique one of a kind item, telling them to get rid of it would serve no useful purpose. While dispatching yourself with your great grandfather's WWI bayonet would be your 1st choice for example, if you couldn't get access to it any sharp object would do.

So I would suppose logically that you could tell your psychiatrist what you need to tell him/her without forcing his hand to telling someone else. But ask him flat out what he is and is not obligated to tell others, since England may be different.

Also, on a personal note, stay alive for my sake. I like you from what I know of you, and the planet is diminished by every good person we lose. If you want an email pen pal, contact me. I'm told I'm a sympathetic ear.

Take care.