How do you turn a life around??

Question

I am a woman who started life in such a pile of toxic mess that it seems like there is no OUT. I was molested, raped, abused physically, Mentally, Emotionally and well in all area's. Given up to foster care as a teen for having turned in my molester(my mothers husband). After having gone thru all that I have managed to get married to a good man in all area's except he has a Traumatic Brain injury. And have become the mother of a wonderful 4 year old boy who has ADHD and sensory deficiancy's.
With all this in my life and my past, I have just one question......
When the Hell is it going to be my turn for a little bit of peace, joy and happyness.?? That is that doesn't make me pay some insane kind of price for the happyness??????????? Please only answer this if your going to be helpful!!! Not an ***!

Answer 1

I can give you an answer. It is helpful and it is based on experience. You ask when it's going to be your turn for a "little bit of peace, joy, and happiness?"

I am also a survivor. I was not only physically abused by family and sexually molested and tortured by my grandfather, but I went through a lot of hell, especially with my first marriage. So I understand what it feels like to be traumatized by abuse. My solution was this and I discovered it after I met the love of my life and started getting some help. I had been seeing a psychiatrist and found that medications and doctors were helping little. That's because I was only treating part of the problem. I didn't really get better until I saw one of his collegues, who was a board certified psychologist. The psychologist showed me that I had to change the way I'm feeling by changing the way I'm thinking. And so I learned to do just that over a period of a year of intense therapy.

So many people answer questions such as yours by saying to "Think positive." Well, duh, if it was as simple as positive thinking, then you'd have done that by now. No, the thing to do, and it comes in steps, is to change the way you feel by changing the way you think. And one the ways is to stop perceiving yourself as a victim, and start thinking of yourself as a survivor. Yes, you went through hell, and I can relate to it. But it is over. But the fact is that you still think of yourself as a victim. Only when you start thinking of yourself as a survivor will things start to get better.

To start with, you are, in your own words, married to a good man and you have a four year old child. Start a gratitude list and put your husband at the top of that list. Two thoughts can't occupy the same space at the same time. I can't feel bad when I have a large gratitude list and I'm focusing on listening to beautiful music and two dogs that love me in the computer room. Friends who respect me and seek my counsel and a girlfriend of three-and-a-half years who loves me and who I love more now than on the day we met.

I am a survivor! I am not a victim! I created a positive attitude over time and that attitude brings people to me, which is what I've always wanted. So go into therapy and keep taking your medication. And read my Yahoo! 360 blogs and e-mail or IM me if you want to talk. I wish you the best and remember: You aren't alone and I've been there before to share with you my experience, strength, and hope!

Answer 2

Only you and God know the specifics of your situation. Faith and Prayer will provide you with the strength that you need. Galatians 6:1-10 (1) My friends, if someone is caught in any kind of wrongdoing, those of you who are spiritual should set him right; but you must do it in a gentle way. And keep an eye on yourselves, so that you will not be tempted, too. (2) Help carry one another's burdens, and in this way you will obey the law of Christ. (3) If you think you are something when you really are nothing, you are only deceiving yourself. (4) You should each judge your own conduct. If it is good, then you can be proud of what you yourself have done, without having to compare it with what someone else has done. (5) For each of you have to carry your own load. (6) If you are being taught the Christian message, you should share all the good things you have with your teacher. (7) Do not deceive yourselves; no one makes a fool of God. You will reap exactly what you plant. (8) If you plant in the field of your natural desires, from it you will gather the harvest of death; if you plant in the field of the Spirit, from the Spirit you will gather the harvest of eternal life. (9) So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we do not give up, the time will come when we will reap the harvest. (10) So then, as often as we have the chance, we should do good to everyone, and especially to those who belong to our family in the faith. If you ask for help in Jesus' name you will receive it. Luke 12:22-32 (22) Then Jesus said to the disciples, "And so I tell you not to worry about the food you need to stay alive or about the clothes you need for your body. (23) Life is much more important than food, and the body much more important than clothes. (24) Look at the crows: they don't plant seeds or gather a harvest; they don't have storage rooms or barns; God feeds them! You are worth so much more than birds! (25) Can any of you live a bit longer by worrying about it? (26) If you can't manage even such a small thing, why worry about the other things? (27) Look how the wild flowers grow: they don't work or make clothes for themselves. But I tell you that not even King Solomon with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers. (28) It is God who clothes the wild grass---grass that is here today and gone tomorrow, burned up in the oven. Won't he be all the more sure to clothe you? What little faith you have! (29) "So don't be all upset, always concerned about what you will eat and drink. (30) (For the pagans of this world are always concerned about all these things.) Your Father knows that you need these things. (31) Instead, be concerned with his Kingdom, and he will provide you with these things. (32) "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the Kingdom. Have faith and don't be afraid to ask God for his Help.

Answer 3

By knowing how to trust others and to ask for help. Also knowing yourself and having a great support system. You have been through so much. I would say def get into counsuling if you havent and make sure you have a support system so as to get rid of some of the stressors of life.

Answer 4

Everyone goes through a lot of crap for the most part. Some people like you have too much! There isn't much to do except induldge a little in hobbys and just enjoy what you have that others don't! It helps me to go for walks and talk to someone. Hope you find more happyniess!

Answer 5

Seek professional help.
If you seek it and don't like it, then continue seeking it. You will be happy when you can do the "work" in therapy and free yourself of the burdens you are carrying. And don't let yourself feel like a victim. From now on, you are responsible for everything you do.

Answer 6

All the advice is good. Read Joyce Meyer's book 'Beauty for Ashes'. She went thru much of what you have.

Answer 7

Oh how I can relate to you!!!! The key to ultimately turning your life around is learning how to take care of yourself FIRST. If you don't have anything to give yourself how can you take care of others? Start taking time for yourself and DON'T feel guilty about it. Loving someone else should add happiness to your life, not take it away.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear your life has been a tragic hell. The only thing you need to do is to "STAY STRONG AND TAKE EVERYTHING AS A LESSON TO LIFE" I'm pretty sure later in life there will be happiness and peace for everybody.

Answer 9

you gotta do the best with what you've got. be grateful for a loving family and that you came out of your childhood w/out becoming a maniac.

Answer 10

go to church