Recovering alcoholic guests at wedding: how do you deal?

Question

I do want to have an alcohol-free wedding, but I do want to be a little considerate of the recovering alcoholics in the crowd.

What are some ideas for compromise?
(Other than a cash bar, I think that's kind of tacky.)

Thanks in advance!

Edit: That first sentence should read "I do not want an alcohol-free wedding"...
Thanks!

Answer 1

It is not your responsibility to deal with recovering alcoholics problems. If they can't function at a wedding they shouldn't attend the wedding. You are right, cash bars are tacky. You don't invite people to a party and ask them to pay for part of it.

Answer 2

We are faced with alcohol in our everyday lives. I would suggest that you have alcohol-free sparkling wine and beverages in addition to the alcohol ones. Have the bartenders keep a careful eye on the guests. Most venues are subject to the same laws as a bar or restaurant and they can be held liable for drunk guests.

Many people don't drink. Pregnant women, people on medication, minor children, etc.

I would have designated drivers available or cabs. Often times a church youth group will do it for a donation or a High School sports team. A guest getting a DUIL or worse on the way home is not a good wedding memory for anyone.

I think you are extremely smart to consider the problems that can arise.

Answer 3

I will have recovering alcoholic guests at my wedding, and will be offering non-alcoholic wine and beers (My mom loves Odouls Amber). I would not recommend tellng the bartender who the ones in recovery are, or giving pictures. I think that could be really embarrassing to the people, and could bring some hard feelings. As others have said, they are grown ups, and can make their own decisions. This is the kind of situation they are going to find themselves in for the rest of their lives, they need to learn to deal with it, that is part of their recovery.

Answer 4

Professional Adivce ---

It is not your problem to help them dela with their addictions. They are grown people that can make their own deicisons. Making that diecsions for them is not your busniess. Part of recovering is learning to rein yourself in. I recently had a client with this same issue. I suggested a few things.

1. You can give your guest two (however many you choose)tickets each for the bar. Those tickets designate the # of drinks they will get free from the bar (you have already paid for these drinks) The tickets can be set on each persons place setting. This allows you to only place them for the legal adults only, the bar man should ID everyone anyway. After they have used their tickets, then it's a cash bar.

2. Instead of champage for the toasting use chilled apple cedar. I know this may seem old fashioned but at the same time, you dont want drunks at your wedding and you dont want the recovering alcoholics to feel as if they are being singled out.

Cash Bars are not tacky. You are already purhcasing the champage for the toasting and have paid for at least one drink for the night. Guest shouldnt mind paying for the other drinks they order. You can't make everyone happy and you arent supposed to. This day is about you and your fiance. You need to decide what is the best for both of you and everyone that is contributing ... financially speaking.

Answer 5

Make sure you have lots of other options for recovering alcoholics. When going around with champagne, make sure there are glasses of sparkling cider as well. Ask each guest if they would like champagne or sparkling cider. More guests than you think may actually want the sparkling cider.

Another nice thing to do would be to place their table away from the bar and not seat them with younger people or people who you know are prone to drink a lot.

Most people in recovery know their limitations. If they think they are in a situation that is uncomfortable to them, they know to remove themselves from that situation. It's nice that you are thinking of them, but in the long run, each person is responsible for their own actions and behaviors. Keep that in mind. :)

Answer 6

You do not have to have an alcohol free wedding. It is THEIR responsibility to not drink alcohol. If they cant handle it then they should know not to come.
Just have the reception as usual. Just at their seats put sparkling apple cider instead of champagne for the toast. Or let them deal. They can drink water instead for the toast.
Being an alcoholic is not a disease, it is an addiction. It is all about will power. If they dont want to drink then they wont and they can prevent it.
They have to be able to go out in the world and be exposed to alcohol and be able to say no themselves. They dont need a mommy looking out for them. They are not fully recovered if they cant be around alcohol and watch other people drink it. So dont worry. It is THEIR problem not yours to solve.

Answer 7

Just have non-alcholic options. It is up to the alcoholic to make wise choices. For an alcoholic, certain settings may be off limits for their recovery, including any situation where they may have drank alcohol in the past. That will depend on where they are in their recovery process. If the alcoholic skips the wedding, don't take offense. For some alcoholics EVERY social situation is a reason to drink so they have to do something else until they are stronger.

Answer 8

You might want to make sure no one in the wedding party is in early recovery. I had been sober for a year and was to be the maid of honor in my cousin's wedding. Well when the champagne toast came I had to do the toast and I was too embarrassed to say I couldn't drink. I also thought I could handle it but I fell off the wagon with that one drink. Just a suggestion.

Answer 9

I'm not really sure what the question is... Are you not offering any non-alcoholic drinks? They'll just drink those!

It's great that you're considering their issues but it's not your place to monitor their beverage intake. I am sure you're offering non-alcoholic beverages anyway for those who don't drink, so I don't think you need anything different from those (pop, juice, punch?) for recovering alcoholics. (I don't drink by choice and have yet to attend a wedding with only alcoholic beverages.)

Answer 10

I was just at a wedding with an recent recovering alcoholic and she was very insulted they didn't put a champagne glass down for her. She said, I am a big girl and I can make my own decisions and I don't need anyone babying me. I decided not to drink and it's my choice and no one needs to protect me. I think re-covering alcoholics know that at a wedding their will be drinking and it's part of life. This woman was a drunk since she was 18 and is now 50 so people were a little nervous with drinking around her.