what type of help should i look for?

Question

I am really losing my patience, health,temper, and mind due to fact that I have a husband who is disabled and needs care 24//7 then I have a two and a half year old son who has tremendous energy, and a 10 month old baby girl, who is delightful 98% of the time and i have a male bull mastif puppy who also has a great amount of energy. I do all the cleaning, cooking washing , fixing, plumbing, car maintnence, all the things that a "husband" would do around the house. I dont have time for anything including a shower nevermind I need to see the dentist and doctor, so does my husband who has many appt. every week. My daughter hasnt even had her shots yet, my son needs to see the dentist, Its just all so hard to do I cant seem to find the time to get things done because i just do not have any. No one helps me ever, and i mean nobody. Where do i start to care for my family? They all need me and I am neglecting one or the other, i feel so bad for my son because he wants to go do things but no

Answer 1

Wow. There's no easy answer to this. Depending on the the extent of your husbands disability, I suggest talking this out with him (hopefully without it becoming an arguement ;-) and see where others can take some load off. I spent close to a year and a half in Iraq, my wife had to raise 3 kids, the youngest was 8 months. I know you are have an incredibly difficult life. My suggestions would be; try to combine trips away from the home into 1. Such as; get groceries and stop at the park to let the little ones feed the ducks. Or set up the doctor/dentist appointment and have a picnic somewhere. Find a new home for the dog (please, it's only my opinion but that's way too much dog for the home life you've described) Don't you have any friends from church, clubs, masons, college, etc?
Find a local "MOPS" group. (Mothers of preschoolers) That did alot for my wife while I was gone) Some churches have Mom's day out, or parents night out, etc.
Try teaching your son some ways to help, without it being a chore (I know he's too young for that) Sort of like Mommy's helper.
Hang in there, someday it'll get better. Try to find something each day to be thankful for.

Answer 2

The first place you may want to start, if you haven't already, is the Bible. By no means, however, am I saying that the Bible is the only answer, and just by reading once a week, you'll reach an inner peace. Nothing is quite that easy! SLOW DOWN!!! As abnormal as it may seem, taking a break, saying a simple prayer, smiling, all of these things will ease the load. And for goodness sakes! TAKE A SHOWER!!! That is really important, because, well, it is.
Not taking your son to the dentist can be considered neglect, which is, as far as I'm concerned, illegal. You can make time, but you have to have a change of mind first. Did you at any time, while typing your question take the time to wonder what it's like for your husband? your kids? the people who see you everyday? One person sees you no matter what, and He's just waiting for you to ask for a little help. If you even remotely want to try this, then He won't go "POOF!" and you'll be more patient, and become super mom/wife, but He'll give you the opportunities to be that person.
You're sounding like a really good mother, and wife, but everyone gets weak at some time or another, but HE is strong.
Look, I know this sounds like the whole Betty Crocker answer, but believe me, it works! You're in my prayers, whether you want to be, or not. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Can you hire someone to help? You can choose a housekeeper , or a handyman type, or a nanny, or a caretaker of some kind for your husband. With the disability, insurance may pay for a caretaker/companion for your husband.

I would also try to find a new home for the puppy, you have too much on your plate with your family. Contact a local Mastiff breeder or rescue group about adoption.

No one person can do it all, you need help and unless you have family or friends willing to step in, you will need to hire someone.

Answer 4

Have you tried getting a hold of you local social services dept for your county if in USA. They have programs that can help with care and upkeep and help you so you can not have all burdens on you. they also have Resp id care to where some one can take you kids for the day and take to the zoo or something so you can have a break. Also a social worker might help you find resources in the community to help you and you family.

The other option I have check you local church or united way first call for help.

Hope this helps.

Also may be your doc can tell of some resources to help you.

Answer 5

dont let it all get to you. That does soud stressful. Try not to have eveything perfect if the house is a little messy just let it be, it'll never stay clean forever. Just pick a day for you and your kids. Take your kids out to eat, enjoy life!! Even if it's hard one day your kids are gonna get big, and they will appreciate your hard work! You sound like a good hard working mom, keep it up. You will be rewarded in the future. Good luck

Answer 6

I really feel sorry for you, it must be a nightmare! You are a very strong woman for coping with what you have to.....I ahvent got an answer for you but I really hope something comes along to help you out.

Stay strong xx

Answer 7

are you a kind of Mother Theresa? you've got all my sympathy. look for someone who can come and look after your husband for example, here in Italy we have a lot of Russian girls who work giving assistance to the disabled.

Answer 8

hire a baby sister for the baby girl then you'd have more time for your boy.

Answer 9

hire a nurse to care for your husband and to take him to his appointments

Answer 10

Perhaps you can get a live-in nanny.