I made a mistake?

Question

I just started dating someone (my first bf) and so obviously i have never done any of that stuff....We have been going out exactly one month now, and he recently went up my shirt. I should've stopped him! because i'm not comfortable with it yet, but i didn't! Don't preach me about it, i know i shouldn't have let him if i wasnt ready, i made a mistake! How do i tell him not to again, when he'll just reply that i let him b4? I really need help, please no rude answers or comments.

Answer 1

Just tell him that you aren't comfortable with it yet. Tell him that you thought it was a little soon last time and you realize that you aren't ready to go that far at this time. There's nothing wrong with realizing that it was a little fast after the fact; don't be too hard on yourself, we've all made mistakes.

If he's really a decent guy, he'll understand or at least respect where you're coming from and wait until you are ready. If he keeps hammering you about the issue, he probably is just looking for a physical relationship and it doesn't seem like that's what you want right now. If he's a jerk about it, move on, but don't let someone pressure you to do something you are not ready to do. It's your body and you have control over it.

Answer 2

No worries about being preached to. You made a mistake and you're willing to own your part in it - which is that you didn't set your boundaries.

Well, this is how we learn. Sometimes we learn by good experiences, and sometimes we learn by things that just don't feel right.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you letting him know you're not ready - period. If he's a guy, then he'll try all kinds of stuff to say or do - because he's probably attracted to you and that stuff happens. But if you're not ready, then say so. If he likes you, then he should respect you.

Mark these words: No person, especially women, should EVER do something they aren't comfortable doing. It doesn't matter if you did it once before or if he paid for the movie tickets or whatever. May sound wierd, but what's wrong with getting more comfortable with your own body before moving on with guys.

Don't ever let any jerks tell you differently. When you body is ready - it will tell you.

Take care of yourself. Good luck!

Answer 3

First, I want to say that I respect you for realizing that you are not ready for this step and deciding not to continue "just because you did it once". That is a very mature judgment to make for yourself and you should be really proud of yourself.

You could either start a conversation with your boyfriend and say "ya know, the other night I really wasn't that comfortable with what we were doing and think it would be better if we took it a little slower". Or just wait until things start to heat up again and if he makes a move, just casually brush his hand away and say "listen, I'm not really that comfortable with taking that step just yet. How about we take it a little slower in that department." If he is an immature young man he may get mad, so be prepared for that and don't let him bully you into something you aren't ready for. But he could be a mature young person and will respect your boundaries and respect the fact that this being your first relationship you want to enjoy and savor each step as it comes along. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 4

Hi hon,

Honestly, I think that the best thing you can do is just tell him that it made you uncomfortable. The next time you see him (one-on-one), ask him, "Can I talk to you about something?" Then say something like, "I really care about you, but I want to take things a little more slowly in terms of making out, etc. I'm honestly not comfortable with you going up my shirt yet...so I would really appreciate it if we could slow down a little bit."

Any guy who's worth your time and is interested in you for more than your body will listen to you when you say this.

Ideally, it would be good to talk about this BEFORE the two of you start making out/getting physical, etc....in the heat of the moment, he might be annoyed if you suddenly stop him. Just sit down and explain how you feel. If he gets mad at you or makes you feel bad in any way about wanting to go slower, then he's not showing you the respect you deserve.

I'm not sure how old you are, hon, but if this is your first boyfriend, I'm guessing that you're fairly young. Let me just say that getting physical with someone is NOT A RACE. :) Don't compare yourself to other people...go at the pace that seems right to you! This is only your first boyfriend...there will be plenty of other guys in your future, so don't feel like you have to do everything with this guy right now!

Best of luck to you, dear! :)

Answer 5

If the guy cares about you he would understand that you don't feel comfortable with that phase of the relationship yet.
It's ok that you feel weird after you already let him a first time, he might have gotten you off guard or something.
But just tell your boyfriend that you're not ready. That you want to take the relationship slowly and not make any more mistakes that you might regret.
He must understand. Wether he does or doesn't shows how much respect he has for you and your body.
And you gotta make yourself respect.
Good luck!

Answer 6

I would try to explain that it took you by surprise when he reached up under your shirt and that you don't feel comfortable about it. If he thinks it is okay to try it once again because he got away with it before just tell him that you don't want that to happen again. If he cannot agree with you, then perhaps you should not be with him.

But as far as you are concerned, I want you to know that you don't have to be hard on yourself about this. As humans, we have all been curious about sex. You were probably curious but then his act surpassed your level of comfort and acceptance. And it is okay to not like what he did, it is only natural, and you have done nothing wrong.

If both of you can discuss all this in a calm and mature manner, that would be a plus. While I am one to warn people about promiscuity and the fact that there are many unplanned pregnancies, perhaps discussing your feelings about sexual relations with your boyfriend could also bring about discussion of mutual contraception. This would protect your health, reduce the risk of an unwanted pregnancy, and help you to ease your mind when you are talking about sex.

Just be easy on YOURSELF and stand up for what you feel.

Answer 7

Don't feel so guilty. You only did what comes naturally. If he really likes you, he will understand that you went "overboard" because of the way he made you feel. Let him know that after you feel more comfortable with that sort of thing, that he would be the type of guy that you would want doing that...otherwise you wouldn't have let him do that in the first place.

The one thing that you don't want is for him to thing that you found him "bad" or unattractive. Let him know that he's dreamy...but that you've woken up from your dream and are embarrassed by how far you let him go. Let him know that he's nice...but that you're not ready for that yet.

If he resists your plea...then let him go. If he understands..than he's worth keeping.

Answer 8

Mistakes happen. They are all a part of life and learning, that is if you have learned something from them. It sounds like you have, because you are not comfortable with what happened. Be open and honest with him about how you feel. Don't be afraid to tell him that what happened made you uncomfortable and that you are not ready for that. If he truly likes you for you, then he will understand and respect your feelings. You should never have to feel pressured by your bf and if does, then he is only interested in a physical relationship with you and his needs and your needs will just not work together. You may have to break it off with him.

But, be honest. Don't hide your feelings about this with him.

Answer 9

We all make mistakes but what is important is that we learn from them. I feel that you are being way to hard on yourself. Unfortunately we cannot always plan for life's happenings. We don't have time to plan for some things and they just happen. I feel honesty, respect and most importantly open communication in a relationship is very important. You should never feel that you have to jeopardize your values because someone feels differently. If your boyfriend truly likes you he will understand how you are feeling. You don't have to rush into things that you are not ready for. Don't feel like you have done anything wrong and deciding to respect your body is a wonderful thing. Move on if he doesn't understand and don't allow someone to treat you unfairly.

Answer 10

Just tell him. Just come out and tell him like you did on here. Let him know you're not ready or comfortable with that yet. Tell him you made a mistake. And if he keeps pushing, he's not the guy for you. Never let them talk you inot doing something you don't want to . Stay true to yourself.