My husband passed away in April. We have little girls. I am 22 years old. Recently, I have been going online and his friends chat with me to see how I'm doing. One friend in particular, chats n calls me. He told me that if he were ever to get married n have kids of his own, he'd still love mines more. It's only been 2 months since my husband passed away but I am starting to like his friend. What should I do?
2007-06-25 04:14:58 · 23 answers · asked by Exquisite 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, I am not over my husband's death. It's nice to have some1 to talk to that knows him. Most of the time we talk, it's about my husband. No one can ever take his place in my heart. I'm not saying I'm gonna start to date now. I'm not ready for that yet. I'm just asking for future reference. I think if I were to date again, I would possibly give this guy a chance cuz he understands and knows the situation.
2007-06-25 04:32:53 · update #1
All we do is chat online & talk on the phone. We have never been out on dates or anything like that.
2007-06-25 04:35:41 · update #2
Lady, THIS is really awckward!!
Geez........
2007-06-25 04:18:15 · answer #1 · answered by ayda 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You know, there used to be a custom that said that widows/widowers couldn't socialize or anything like that for a year after their spouse died. It was a bit of a bizarre custom, but on the other hand, it gave folks a year to get over their grief -- which was one huge advantage.
You're still raw and grieving, and with two small children, you are probably lonely and stressed, too. Still, don't do ANYTHING romantically for at least a year. It's going to take that long for you to get used to your husband's death and to deal with it emotionally. Anything you do between now and then is going to be hampered by your grieving -- that's not fair to you, or to a man that you get involved with.
Besides, I think it's a little creepy that a guy would tell you that he would love your kids *more* than his own . . . for one, I wouldn't believe him (no parent could), and two, it sounds like he's telling you what you want/need to hear, which isn't necessarily the truth.
Like him, but don't get involved with him yet. If he's really interested in you, he'll respect that you need some time to heal. If not, then he's probably just out to nail the grieving widow.
2007-06-25 04:26:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait for a year or so at the very least to let your feelings settle down. So soon after losing your husband you must be aching with pain and looking for comfort. Feeling like that how can you be sure about new feelings. Your husbands friends have probably become close to you through him. Now he is gone, and you are single, young, and available, and this friend is offering you sympathy and sweet words. If you took up with him, in a year or two, when your feelings begin to heal you may well see this person in a different light, and resent him for taking advantage of the situation.
2007-06-25 04:33:09 · answer #3 · answered by pete the pirate 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It hurts being a widow, my husband of twelve years died on our 12th wedding anniversary after a very prolonged illness (10 years). I was alone for 65 days, and I determined that it was time to live again, I love being married, the world is so full of stuff going on and I like being committed to one person, having that connection when I go to sleep and wake up, knowing he is here for me. I dated the most wonderful man for a year and now we are married, we dated for a year to make sure that I was ready again, and not just lonely and now I am happier than I have ever been in my life. God works in mysterious ways! Good Luck.
2007-06-25 04:24:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Realize how lonely you are. You need to get off the internet and get involved in life again. Everyone grieves at their own pace but its probably too soon to get involved because you probably aren't thinking clearly yet. However there is no reason why you can't make friends with this man. You are very very young, so don't make the mistake of marrying the first guy who is nice to you because you are scared. My mother did that when she was 25 and my dad died. I was 2 and she was pregnant with my brother. The man she married 18months later, turned out to be a good man and a good father but 50years later she is still grieving for her dead husband and has made everyone lives a living hell because of it. Take some time.
2007-06-25 04:20:59 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
honey its only been two months and things are still raw..for someone to say they would love your kids more than their own is kind of full of it. you cant love anyone elses more than your own, as a mother you should know that. its only been two months and i know youre feeling lonely but give it some time so you can heal, do continue to talk to people about how you are doing but as far as a relationship, put that on the back burner because your kids need you right now and they should be 1st priority and im not saying youre not making them a priority but the relationship with your deceased husbands friend needs to wait...heal you first
i am very sorry for you loss.
2007-06-25 04:22:46 · answer #6 · answered by sunshine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel I know losing your husband has made you really vulnrable and you need friend but this may become more. He sounds like he cares a great deal for you and your kid. My advice is to take it slow leave it in Gods hands and see where this road takes you . EVERYTHING in life happens for a reason. You may need him right now and maybe GOD knows this and has sent him to you. As for your husbands passing I am so sorry you are so young and It makes me think about my own hubby I dont think I could handle it you are a strong lady and you are in my prayers.
2007-06-25 04:20:47 · answer #7 · answered by lyttledarlin 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is the classic "rebound". You're still in grief, and you're lonely. I don't know what this guy is really like, but if I were you. I'd tell him to cool it for a bit. Give yourself a chance to get yourself together, and the you can see how much he really loves you back.....it just sounds wrong to me that your husband's friend is already starting to get...cozy, as it were....but if it is right, he'll understand and still be there for you when you are truly ready to date again.
2007-06-25 04:20:50 · answer #8 · answered by Blue Oyster Kel 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, I am sorry about your loss.
Take it slow, it is not uncommon for a person to rush into a new relationship after losing a partner, especially if their are children involved. It can be seen as a way to give them a new parent.
If you really do have feelings for this man, don't ignore them, just don't rush into anything. And please let him know how you're feeling. If he's a good man he will respect that and take things slow with you. If not, then you're better off without him.
2007-06-25 04:19:42 · answer #9 · answered by T the D 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
2 months and already moving on... ? I dont know the situation, so I cant judge, but that seems a little soon for his best friend and his wife to be wanting to date eachother!
I would give it some time before acting on it
2007-06-25 04:17:48 · answer #10 · answered by hollybear 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sorry for your loss--
you are probably really vulnerable right now and need time to heal. it isnt good to jump right into this for either of you. You need time to get over the pain-at least 8 months or a year. I wouldnt proceed with this cuz your emotions are in shambles. hang in there and sorry for your loss. Just be friends for now cuz u need those more than anything
2007-06-25 04:21:09 · answer #11 · answered by navigate33 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋