Wedding night hotel room - MIL in room next door?

Question

We are getting married in June next year.

My future MIL thought it would be a great idea if we stayed at the same hotel they are (on a different floor of course), and meet up for breakfast. She emailed this suggestion to me, but i've been away for a week and didn't get a chance to reply. I now have an email saying that she's made the bookings - she even has a breakfast reservation number! So keen is she for us to stay that she's offered to pay.

This is very kind of her, but i couldn't help but find out some more details, so i contacted the hotel. The rooms are in fact next to eachother, and we are booked in to a Spa Suite, and she, her husband and daughter (11) are in the Queen Premier.

I'm fairly uncomfortable with it all. Is it weird to not want to spend our wedding night in the next room to them, or even in the same hotel? I'm also not keen on the breakfast either. I feel ungrateful if we decline her offer, would we be wrong to?

My fiance isn't fussed either way >.<

It's also not like this will be the only time we'll see them, we see them regularly. She wants to stay in a hotel to be "part of the big day."

We also went on a family holiday together last year, and she was very "disappointed" we insisted on our own room. So they would knock on our door and inform us when breakfast was etc. I can imagine this is what they'll do on our wedding night and am not looking forward to that.

Answer 1

wow... how bold of her. I'd tell her thaks but no thanks, thats this is your wedding night and a time you want to spend only with your hubby. maybe you should ahve him talk to her instead though. This is not the time to be spending with in-laws...thats what the reception is for.

Answer 2

Sounds like yet another mother-in-law from hell. Your gut instinct is telling you that this is a bad idea, because you've stated you're uncomfortable with the whole situation.
DECLINE HER OFFER!! DO NOT stay next door to each other in the same hotel, and DO NOT have breakfast with her! She's trying to manipulate you. The offer of her paying the shot is proof of that. Give a mother-in-law just an inch and she will take a mile, if not more, for the rest of your life! You're not being ungrateful. This is the time when privacy for you and your new husband is necessary. Too bad if she feels left out! She has her own husband!

Answer 3

I have a unique idea that might solve your problem with minimal confrontation. Plan another family get together, and YOU book the rooms at a hotel or B&B, and be sure the rooms are adjoining. In fact, try to see if the bed headboards share a wall. The first night, wait until you know the MIL is in her room, and you and your fiance should get on the bed and make a hell of a racket....complete with Meg Ryan-like orgasmic howls, headboard banging, bedspring squeaking, etc. You get the idea. Do it again the next night. At breakfast the final morning, tell her you've booked a separate room at a different hotel for your honeymoon night......I'll bet she will be happy as a clam.

Answer 4

She definitely sounds pushy and controlling. She wants things her way and she just goes ahead and makes sure that she gets what she wants. By paying for everything it makes her feel that she is doing you a favor. It is nice to have a close relationship with family and for the most part she is probably OK but this wedding night stuff in the next room with breakfast the next day has crossed the line. She should be giving you some space not guilting you into being with her. Discuss your feelings with your fiancee because if you let her get out of control now it will set the stage for your whole marriage. He has to make her back off and it should come from him not that this whole thing is because of you. I hope he is able to speak up to her.

Answer 5

I would reply that "I'm so sorry that I didn't read this sooner, but you see we already have a room reserved for the night. We'd love to have breakfast with you and will meet you in the breakfast room at that time."

Do not state where your room is. She sounds very clingy and nosy.

Talk to your fiance. Tell him this bothers you a LOT and that you want a room NOT near anyone. Tell him you are compromising with him by having lunch with MIL.

OR

Keep the room, say "thanks!" and get BUSY that night! I mean loud banging on the walls (preferrably the one that is their wall as well)...

Answer the door in a sexy robe and nothing else.

Use the spa often. I tell you from experience you can't hear the phone OR anyone knocking on the door!

Answer 6

This requires a serious evaluation of just where your husband stands on the issue of separation from his mom. If he is not strongly stepping out on his own as he marries you, I suggest you call off the wedding and until he is ready to cut the apron strings, wait. In fact, you should go your own way in life until he cuts those strings and he may never. That is okay, you will be better off without him and his mother.

I have a MIL problem and take it from me after 15 years of MIL living in our finished basement (more like a first floor) I know what I am talking about.

The money is a very bad sign. Do not accept a penny above the normal and above what is given without any strings. Your MIL will constantly offer to pay so that she has her claws into your lives. She is addicted to control over her son and to power over him and now you. And she gets her jollies from being able to manipulate you and her son with her money. She will live vicariously through you and her son for ever.

Don't get sucked down the drain. Cut the cord now. Don't wait. Be decisive. Be very clear. Be firm and smile and say thank you. Well bless your heart you are a dear, but we will have to stay in another hotel and we will be sure to get together with you as much as we can. Go to your guy and have him go with you and have him do 90% of the talking and if he is clear and decisive you will have a chance to properly control your MIL, otherwise DANGER! DANGER! RED FLAG! TROUBLE AHEAD!!!!!!!! TAKE A DETOUR!! OR TURN AROUND!!!!!! YOU ARE HEADED FOR A CRASH AND BURN EXPERIENCE!!!

Answer 7

Advice from someone getting married in less than two weeks (ME!!!)....(and I'm a GUY!!!)

If you're not comfortable with the arrangements (and I guarantee you I wouldn't be), you need to let your fiancee know about it immediately. His response will tell you a lot about how things will be once you're married...

If he doesn't do anything, even after you've told him about how you feel, this should tell you that he won't go against his mother, regardless of where you stand. I can see this as a problem.....

I do understand the "not being fussed either way" thing, but there's a point where you've got to decide what you're going to do, and doing nothing isn't an option.

Not to blow holes in your bliss, but if he's just going to sit there and not do anything, you MIGHT want to reevaluate your relationship with this guy. If Mom's got that great a hold on him now, this could cause major problems later.....

Answer 8

Wow, that is a really uncomfortable situation. I would NEVER want anyone that I knew in the room next to me on my wedding night! And making breakfast reservations for you the next morning is pretty darn presumptuous of her. She has stepped over the line, she didn't even wait for your opinion on the matter. It's nice that she offered to pay... but I still think she has still overstepped her boundaries. Does she think she's joining you on the honeymoon too? Jeez.

OK, to solve this I don't think a little white lie would hurt... just a little one to spare feelings and avoid strife within the new family. Check out the other hotels where you are going to be. Find a fabulous room, fall in love with it, and tell your FMIL this: "I'm so sorry I couldn't get back to you in time, but Bob (whatever your fiance's name is) and I have had our heart to stay here at Whatever Hotel, and already made our reservations, and really don't want to change them. Your offer was so nice, and so generous, but I'm afraid we are going to have to decline." Maybe even ask her to join you for breakfast, if it is at all possible, on your wedding morning. There is still plenty of time, she will be able to get her money back for the room she booked for you.

Good luck with this one hon.

Answer 9

Of course it's weird! Sounds like she's having a hard time letting her son go. And as has been said already, he should be the one to inform your MIL that you won't be staying next door to her, going to breakfast with her, etc. If you let her start now you will always be one of two women in your marriage.

Answer 10

First check to see if it's possible to have a room that's not right next door (if you want to even do that). If you can't then I wouldn't be concerned with my MIL feelings about this. I would be irritated with her for being so presumptuous. It is YOUR day. She has no right to be a part of it other than the ceremony and reception. After that it is up to you and your husband to decide what you want to do. I can't believe she would even want to be in the room right next door. Have your soon to be hubby tell her thanks but no thanks. My MIL payed for a room for my sister in law when she was married, but she didn't stay in the hotel too, and they came in from out of state for the wedding. His mom should know better than that.

Answer 11

OMG!! I can't imagine being in that situation - I definitely feel for you!!

If your bf isn't fussed either way, let her know that you appreciate her kind offer to pay and invitation to join their family. Let her know you have already made plans to stay at another hotel (even if you haven't). There's no reason to tell her which one! If she asks, tell her you've decided to keep this a secret. (My best friend did that when she got married and only told her mother in case of emergency.)

I wouldn't be too happy about that one either! Good luck getting out of it!