I nees help all you dads. other people can input advice too..?

Question

Tomorrow i have to make the TOUGHEST decision i will ever make and im only 12.

Either have a dad but live with emotional abuse from my dad and my stepmom

or

Not live with abuse but never see my dad, my stepmom, or my 2 half siblings (2 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl). or any of my other 41 relatives/cousins/family ever again, well if i do get to it will be like really hard. PLEASE HELP ME i really dont want to screw up this decision.. :(

srry i meant to say need not nees....

I wouldnt have to live with my dad but i would see him like 1 time a week and maybe everyother weekend... but i really don t want to.

I'm thinking of just dumping him like he dumped me, but idk, i mean im only 12 idk what i want

I would live with my mom

yeah, my dad is horrible, i confront him and all and ive been going with him to family thearopy and thearopy and crap for years and years trying to help him so i can have a dad. but i cry every SINGLE night. I cant go through school and its ruining my life. hes told me he hates me and same ith my stepmom. Except they treat my brother like he is a friggin god but the treat me like im horse poop. they dont even care about me and i hate it.

Yeah my mom is very supportive.

But he is my dad, and every where i go i get reminded of him. and like i see all of my friends dad and i just wish they could be my dad. and i know he is family but how can i let him do this to me? but how can i not have a dad? omg i cant handle this im friggin 12 and i neeed to just go away from everything and everyone and just leave everything bad away for a while. o please help me...

But he is my dad, and every where i go i get reminded of him. and like i see all of my friends dad and i just wish they could be my dad. and i know he is family but how can i let him do this to me? but how can i not have a dad? omg i cant handle this im friggin 12 and i neeed to just go away from everything and everyone and just leave everything bad away for a while. o please help me...

Also i have no other relatives except for a grandma on my moms side ad of course my mum, but no one else, everyone else has... well died....tragically from cancer or something else terrible

Answer 1

Depends on if you can stand their abuse without letting it mess with your life and your well being. If you are able to do this then give them the chance.

But if they are trying to destroy you or if it is too much to take then you need to just let them go and make your life the best it can be without them.

Answer 2

Sweet heart I am so sorry you are having to make this decision.

No one should ever have to suffer through abuse. Think about the way your dad and stepmom make you feel. Do you think you can handle that for the next six years? That's a long time.

Even though it would change your life drastically you might be better off to live with your second choice. I assume it's live with your mom.... I know you will be sad to not see all of your other family members. Just be sure to let them know that you care about them and would really like to be apart of their lives.

Answer 3

Well I could offer better advice if I knew what the alternative was, like living in a foster home, etc. But it seems to me as if you still love your father/family members and it would hurt to not see them ever again. Everyone suffers some emotional abuse but I think you actually want to stay. Just because you go somewhere else doesn't mean it will be emotionally abusive free. To talk to someone in real life, visit the website below for teen crisis hotline numbers.

Answer 4

Dump your dad!!!
I hate to say it hun, but emtional abuse can be 100 times worse than physical abuse in some cases...You are only 12 get away from it before you are scarred for life. I know that you see what he is doing now, but if you decide to live with this person, you will turn out just like him in time....This is a repeating cycle...You know how it feels to you, do you really want to risk your future mental health & your future on a man who treats you this way??? Do you want to risk turning out the same way & someday treating your kids the same way because that is how you learned to be treated.
Leaving your 1/2 brother & sister behind is rough, but right now it is "YOU" that you need to think about...
Having a dad in your life is NOT worth having to go through this torment...You said you can't make it through school because of this abuse & that you cry every night. Is that the way you want to live just so you can have a "dad" in your life? There is NOTHING wrong with a boy, young man or grown man who cries, but emotional abuse should NEVER be the reason they cry.
Sorry about your situation hun, but lean on your mom for a while, dad isn't worth risking your future for....

By the way, any male can be a sperm donor, that does NOT make him a dad....Think about the fact that your mom divorced him....She probably did it for you & her both. Who would know better about getting a person like that out of your life than the person who was married to him....
Keep up with the therapy, just to get this all worked out & ALWAYS be open & honest with your mom. You said she was supportive, then be sure to always keep the lines of communication open with her...Talk to her....

Answer 5

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Don't live with the abuse if you have any other option. Hopefully when things settle down you will be able to see the kids again. No one should have to live with abuse of any kind. It can mess you up.

Answer 6

No one can answer this question but yourself. Only you know where you will be truly happier. I would suggest making a list and listing all the advantages/disadvantages of each scenario. It breaks my heart to see someone so young have to make such a huge decision. I hope you will think your options through and make the right choice that you will not regret later.

Answer 7

I am so sorry you have to deal with this and I wish I could offer you more support than just this forum....but you need to separate yourself from those who hurt you and it sounds like your father is doing just that. It is so hard as he is your dad and in you head you keep thinking you can change him or he will change if you are better but it sounds like you have seen he is not going to change and you have been going through this for a while.

You need to do the best for you and separating is the best for you right now....Do you have support if you separate from your father? is your mother still around....do you have other relatives?

I had to do what you are doing...my mother was emotionally abusive to me and hurt me badly....at 16 i had to decided i was better than what she was doing to me....I was unlucky as I had no one and had to go on my own....I now know it was the best decision in my life but at the time I was so conflicted and so upset by it....I do now have a relationship with my siblings it took a while but they soon saw my mother for who she really was. I think it will be the same for you...so you might get to know them later....but for now you have to think of yourself...staying with someone like your father is not good and you will not grow in that environment......I know it is hard but you are better off without him.

Good luck...i will keep you in my thoughts.

Answer 8

for now huni, you need to worry about yourself. live with your mum, she can look after you and break you free from the abuse. in a few years time you can, if you want go back and see your brother and sister, but you're no good to them being miserable. you're very brave to worry about them, but there's nothing you can do, if that's the way things'll work out, then so be it, the choice is simple, take care of yourself for now
good luck huni

Answer 9

You WILL see your family. I would choose to go not with my dad. emotional abuse is terrible and you can learn to make yourself happy. either way will be too hard, so choose something that you can control.

Answer 10

The emotional abuse can mess you up for good.If your dad cared,you wouldn't be in this situation.go with better lifestile,i am sure you'll getr to see your dad.Right now things are hectick.later on when thigs cool off,you'll have better option.Good luck kiddo.