I recently met a guy that I really like. We've been out together, talk all the time, etc. Things are going wonderfully, but I think things are TOO good. In the past, when i've liked a person as much as I like him, things don't work out, and something happens to where we no longer keep in contact anymore. None of my relationships have really lasted. I can tell this guy likes me too, just by the way he is around me, and the way we are together. My problem is I am very scared things aren't going to work out and that he and I are going to end up like me and all the other guys. So I was just wondering what should I do? Should I talk to him less and stop spending so much time with him? I don't want to hurt him but I also don't want to be hurt either. It sucks to find someone you really like, only to have that fall apart afterwards.
2007-06-24 19:04:43 · 12 answers · asked by Class_Act83 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sweetie, I say this with as much caring as I can muster for a complete stranger: You are your own worst enemy! I know a woman like you who, at 38, is STILL making all the wrong decisions.
Perhaps you should seek counseling to determine how to properly nurture a relationship.
God bless.
2007-06-24 19:09:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a brave thing to take the risk of loving someone, especially when you've been hurt in the past so I applaud you for your courage thus far. If things are going well between the two of you, I would encourage you to stick with it. It is obvious though that you are apprehensive; I would suggest discussing this with him. Explain to him about your past hurt and how you really like him but are afraid of loving and being hurt again. If it would help you to slow things down a bit, ask him how he feels about that. If you distance yourself from him without explanation he will inevitably be hurt and it won't be a very honest action on your part because you don't actually *want* to distance yourself, you're just scared. It's ok to be scared, but be honest with him so you can work through it together. If he doesn't try to understand this then it's better that you know now that he won't be able to be supportive than further down the road. All the best!
2007-06-25 02:13:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kara, learn from the past but don't live in it. If you really like this guy, and he really likes you, then just keep going the way you are. I don't believe talking to him any less or seeing him any less will do anything except send him mixed messages that perhaps maybe he's done something wrong or you are loosing interest. Just be yourself and be honest with the guy. If he likes you as much as you say, and you like him, then things will happen. Don't let your fear dictate to you how you will act. Take control. Talk to him as well. Have you told him how you feel or asked him how he feels rather than just jumping to conclusions? And in regards to you boyfriends of the past, hey remember, you got to break a few eggs to make a great cake. Part of growing and living is that you have to put yourself out there and sometimes you get hurt, but when it clicks, its magical. And remember, it may not last forever so enjoy it while you have it. All the best with this
2007-06-25 02:13:33 · answer #3 · answered by Deejay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have experienced this with many guys too. I think you just need to stick to what you are doing and get to know him better before you compare him to other guys. He might not be like the other guys, give him a chance. If you see certain qualities in him that show it wont work than end it. But just because things seem too perfect doesnt mean you need to end it because you are scared. Love is all about fear and taking chances. You really should just wait it out and see where it goes because only time will tell.
2007-06-25 02:09:35 · answer #4 · answered by chicgeek143 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean, and the best possible thing to do is tell him your concerns and what has happened between you and other guys and just say, "if you dont feel as strongly, then tell me now and truthfully, and we can just be friends at this point in time." that way you'll know and your heart wont get broken. but for someone you love, it hurts to get hurt, but if you love them you'd put your heart on the line. it may get broken, but someone will always be there to put it together again.
2007-06-25 02:09:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know this relationship is going to fail? This may be "the one" and you just want to let it go! Yeah, you have been hurt in the past, but that doesn't mean that EVERY relationship you have is doomed to failure. That will just become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It may be scary to go all in, but love is just a bit scary. If you feel strongly for him and he feels it for you, stop trying to sabotage yourself and go with it. You will never find happiness until you do.
2007-06-25 02:13:24 · answer #6 · answered by tigger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the most important aspect of a relationship?
Say it with me:
COMMUNICATION
Tell this guy about your worries. He'll either assuage your doubts or confirm them. At least then, you'll know.
Shutting down communication is not the answer. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this is what has happened to you previously. You slow it down (with no explanation) and he feels you are no longer interested, when in fact you are simply worried that you are smothering/bothering him.
Just talk to him about your feelings, it isn't that hard.
Hope this helps!
2007-06-25 02:11:04 · answer #7 · answered by p37ry 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its always good to slow down when you meet someone, i didn't gave it up until we were engaged, and i would never call him, when i did it would be once in a while, give him space, let him do what he has to do, but still do what you used to do before you met him, go out with your friends, visit your family, try not to get used to him, because that's the worse, even though you don't pick who you fall in love with, good luck.
2007-06-25 02:10:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a choice...alone surrounded by your wall or in a relationship. You already know what the worst possibly outcome is...you break up but hey, you have gotten over it before. My advice is to find out if this is happily ever after. Good luck.
2007-06-25 02:13:35 · answer #9 · answered by paminpoq 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being a chicken and deal with it.
It it fails it fails but at least you tried.
It sounds like you sub-consciously sabbotage relationships.
If you try to destroy it then of course it will fail & you'll wonder.
Spend more time and talk more.
Think about why it failed last time and don't repeat the same mistakes.
Make new ones.
2007-06-25 02:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by Don Quesadia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋