Is it wrong to a child'a mental state to send them to their room when they do something wrong?

Question

My boyfreinds son is out of control. He' s disobedient and he curses his elders. But boyfreind doesn't believe in spanking him.(he's 10) I suggested that he be sent in the room then whenever he does something instead of letting him get away with it. He said that a doctor told him that Its confusing to their mental state because he might not think he did anything wrong. I think that something should be done about this. I can't deal with a child leaving curse words on our voice mail. He was cursing his dad saying fu** you, over and over again.. Because we have car trouble and was not able to pick him up from his grandmothers house today. But his knew that, he's been talking to his dad on the phone all day.. He left these messages at 11:00p.m. tonight... I dont want to put up with his son anymore, and Its causing problems between me and his father

Answer 1

whew that would be enough for me to back out of this relationship. Dad clearly does not know what to do. This will take years to undo, if ever. At age 10 it will be very difficult for him to change. I don't believe a Dr should say such a thing.
He should be sent to his room, told clearly why he is being punished, and make sure there is no TV computer or games in the room. It should be for a specific amount of time like an hour. When the hour is over make him state what he did wrong and apologize. Dad should do this not you. He badly need family counseling and parenting classes.

Answer 2

Well, I would say that first of all, to answer that question, it's not wrong to the so-called mental state of the child, but it also does not look like to me that this boy is learning the reasons for being sent to his room. I think he should (his father) take it a step up and give him an extended punishment, specifically a grounding where he loses certain privileges for a week or two.

Aside from that, either the father is not setting enough of a bar, or you are maybe getting involved where you shouldn't be. People with kids are going to be a mixed bag because of either a divorce, death of a parent, or because his son is from another girlfriend that he broke up with but never married. You should also consider if your relationship with your boyfriend is contributing to his son's behavior, maybe he's wanting attention, and going to great lengths to get it because he feels his father is ignoring him, or perhaps he's misbehaving deliberately because he doesn't really accept you being around. Is his mother still alive? If so, then maybe he doesn't want you mothering him if that is what you are doing.

You need to know when to take a step back, and if it's hurting the relationship, consider if this is what you want to deal with in the long term. Talk it over with your boyfriend and his son and figure out what everyone wants. And whatever you can agree upon is going to be the right thing to do, even if it's the hard thing.

Answer 3

It's only confusing if you don't explain to him what he did wrong. It's a completely acceptable form of punishment, and he needs it. And no spanking is not okay--I've learned in a lot of psychology classes that it's unnecessary and sometimes harmful.
I think you could also do something like taking away priviliges. If he doesn't have an allowance already you can give him one and say that if he cusses or disobeys, then he won't get any money for that week. If you're really strict and keep to it, after a while you probably he might behave without needing a reward.
But the best way to change somebody's behavior is to praise his positive actions. Even if it's kind of fake...for example if he goes for just one hour without throwing a tantrum or cussing be sure to jump in and say "I really appreciate the fact that you're talking to us without swearing." or something like that. It might really surprise him into behaving a little bit better in the long wrong.
And of course, always make sure that he feels loved, appreciated, and accepted by all of his care-takers. One reason why he's acting out like this is possibly that he doesn't feel so loved.

Answer 4

no its not wrong, (he is 10, he can understand right from wrong) all you have to be careful is, if you send him to his room he may regard it as a place he only goes when he is naughty, is there a boring spare room or another area in the house which is not fun to be sent to ? also another way to get the better of him is dont back down, be strong and always carryout what you say your going to do. let him know he cant get away with it. it may take you 20 or more times of putting him in the 'naughty spot' but eventually it will work, be patient and remeber to take deep breaths( he may also be acting the way he is because of his situation, dad and mum apart, you being the new mum etc, you have to reassure him that everything will be ok and he is the most important boy etc) goodluck !

Answer 5

No I don't think its hard on a child's mental state. But it can't be just you. Both of you need to be in on the disciplining. Have you ever seen the t.v. show Super Nanny. You can get some great tips on how to discipline your child the right way. I have learned a lot from that show. Also, explaining the situation to the child, why he is getting disciplined and what rule he broke is a good way to help him understand why he is getting punished.

Answer 6

No, having a child step away from a situation to think for a minute is the right thing to do. But honestly in this day and age where most kids have tvs, computers, video games, ipods etc in their bedrooms it's really not much of a punishment. 10 is pretty late to START disclipling a kid (it sounds like he hasn't had much).

Answer 7

Sending a kid to their room for cussing has no bearing on their mental state.

It sounds like the dad has altered the kid's mental state already by allowing this.

There is nothing wrong with applying the

"Board of Education" on the "Seat of Knowledge."

Answer 8

I don't think spanking is wrong when done with love & not anger. That boy sounds like he could use a good spanking. Talk to his dad about how you're feeling & if things don't improve make sure you have clear thoughts on what you will do .....even if it means leaving.

Answer 9

i had a couple of freinds with the same oppertunity. it's hard to disipline children even if they are your own. it take a lot of give and take by all people invovled with the child. the boys father need to step up and deal with this oppertunity. Your mental state is just as important as the boys. The oppertunities will continue and will get bigger. Not just for you but your boyfriend!

Answer 10

well, i assume that he has a tv, computer, video games, and whatever else he desires, in his room... so, it's probably not too much of a punishment to be sent to his room. 10 is a little bit old to be using "time out". i would suggest taking something away every time he acts up... like taking away his video games for a day, or something.