My wife wants to home school our kids, and I would like to know the 'commitment' it takes on the part of adult

Question

I would like to know more about the commitment and rigor that needs to be in place to home school kids. we have 2 kids that will be home schooled starting in 5th grade (one more year).
for instance:
1. what kind of monitoring do you need to do - does the parent sit next to the child all day? ever leave them unattended doing work?
2. i am afraid my wife will never have 'time alone' and go crazy after the first few months... anyone else have this issue?
3. my wife can't say no to the kids - what kind of precursor 'training' or plan needs to be put together before doing the home school thing...
4. or am i just worried?

Answer 1

I homeschool my 5th grade son, I have ever since 2nd grade. It is a time commitment, but it's not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Is she involved with their education at all right now (PTA/helping with homework/homeroom mom)? If so, it won't be a big transition.

My son spends about 6 hours a day "doing school" on average, this is by his choice. Many homeschooled 4th-6th graders spend about 3-4 hours. They are able to get the same, if not more, instruction and work done in a shorter amount of time because of the absence of distractions and busy work. When there aren't 30 kids in the class, a lot more can get done.

I spend about 2-3 hours a week planning and prepping, but some of this is done while he's doing individual work. I probably spend about half of his school time with him; this includes instruction, read-alouds, and projects that are just plain too much fun to miss out on. The rest of the time, he's pretty independent, and just asks me if he has a question.

I sat with him a lot when he was younger, but a second-grader can't really be expected to be an independent worker. Now that he's 5th grade, I fully expect him to be responsible for his independent work, and he's fine with that. I don't hound him to do his math, independent reading, language arts, spelling, etc...he just looks on his assignment sheet and does them. In the meantime I am prepping, doing housework, paying the bills, getting my own work done, etc.

I do have time alone, nearly every day, and I make it a point to have "mom time" with friends each month. I've actually found that I love the time I have with my son, I would be hard-pressed to give it up. Mind you, I thought my friends who homeschooled were insane before my son begged me to do it...now I wouldn't give it up for the world.

As far as authority goes, she's going to have to figure out how to set reasonable boundaries. I would suggest getting some books on homeschooling from the library, The Ultimate Homeschool Handbook by Debra Bell (I think that's the title) is excellent. As both mom and teacher, she's going to need to be able to hold the kids accountable to both their schoolwork and their daily behavior. It's a transition, but it's so worth it.

As far as socialization goes, there are literally hundreds of opportunities out there - Scouts, sports, co ops, support groups, play dates, parks & rec programs, etc. My son actually asked me to cut back on his extra-curricular stuff because we were never home, he was so socialized! The homeschool kids that we know (and there are hundreds and hundreds of hs families in our area) are some of the best behaved and well-rounded kids (not to mention confident and motivated) that I've ever met.

For academics, you and your wife will be able to customize your kids' curriculums to provide an excellent education, tailored to their needs. Each state has different regulations and requirements (check out www.hslda.com for details), but you still have the freedom to allow them to learn in the way that makes the most sense to them and at their own pace. My son will be starting Algebra next spring, yet is dyslexic, so we can take Language Arts and Spelling at a rate that is on grade-level. He can take as many science units as he wants through the year, and he spend as much time as he wants to on History (one of his favorite subjects). He can spend time writing and composing stories, researching, and finding books and movies that reinforce what he's learning.

I also suggest you order a free catalog from www.rainbowresource.com - it's the size of a phone book (I'm not even kidding) but nearly everything is at discount and it will show you the huge range of curriculum that is out there. She can peruse it on her own time to find things that your kids will love and learn from.

I hope that helps! Homeschooling is a commitment, but it's certainly doable. Colleges all over the country (even Harvard and Yale) are admitting (and many are even courting) homeschoolers, due to the high levels of maturity, academic excellence, and independent motivation that they show. Find a homeschooling group or two in your area and pick their brains - they probably have a lot of information to share!

Answer 2

I've been a homeschool mom for 3 years now. My oldest is just starting 2nd grade.

1. what kind of monitoring do you need to do - does the parent sit next to the child all day? ever leave them unattended doing work?

We frequently work at the kitchen table so I can do dishes, prepare meals while my daughter completes her work. For some topics she needs lots of assistance for other subjects she does not. As she is getting older, there are more assignments she can complete independently.

2. i am afraid my wife will never have 'time alone' and go crazy after the first few months... anyone else have this issue?

There are days where things have been crazy. It's helpful for me if my husband does something with the kids after dinner so I can have alone time. I go for a walk, water the garden, sometimes just clean up the kitchen, check the news, etc. This is very useful as my children are all younger and still need a lot from Mommy during the day.

My husband also helps sometimes with the children's lessons in the evening by listening to them read, helping with math "homework" (my daughter likes to have homework assigned every once in awhile). I also appreciate some time on the weekend to have some alone time.

3. my wife can't say no to the kids - what kind of precursor 'training' or plan needs to be put together before doing the home school thing...

You two should talk together about the school "rules" and how you will deal with issues that arise. This should be a joint effort. You should also both talk with your children and let them know the expectations for completing their work, handling issues, etc. I always tell my children that if they listen well and are diligent in getting their work done for the day we have time for fun projects, a bike ride, a trip to the park, etc. Homeschooling provides so much flexibility that there's lots of time to have fun together as a family. I try to emphasize this with the kids so they'll get their school work done more quickly.

4. or am i just worried?

It's okay to be worried. This is a big step. It's also more than an educational choice, it's a lifestyle choice. Homeschooling impacts the entire family and it's important to make a well informed decision about what is best for your family. Think about the physical changes to your home as well. We've acquired a lot (hundreds) of books over the past 3 years and have purchased a lot of bookcases to put them in. Even if you plan to leverage the library heavily - - there are still lots of books and papers to keep coordinated. Our home will not qualify for a layout in House Beautiful anytime soon. We have paintings and projects on the walls, bookcases throughout the house. It's hard to limit homeschooling to just one room of the house unless you have a big basement or bonus room with lots of space for most of the stuff.

Also, I was very stressed out the first two years we homeschooled. This year was a breakthrough year for several reasons:
(1) I can see the results of our efforts in our children - yes, they really are learning and have a desire to learn
(2) We've figured out what curriculum and methods work for our family
(3) I stopped trying to micro-manage the schedule - we have weekly, monthly goals but trying to stick to the daily plans that came with our curriculum didn't work for us - we're a little more relaxed with the schedule

By the way, I don't think it's homeschooled children looking for answers to their schoolwork using this message board!

Answer 3

I have 5 kids and homeschooled the first four up until 7th grade.

This is a MAJOR time commitment unless, of course, you have completely self-motivated, perfect, 100% obedient-100% of the time, genius, mature pre-teens. Are you laughing yet? My point is that most kids at that age will need some real pushing, deadlines, consequences, goal-setting, study skills training, etc. If your wife cannot say no, I would suggest other educational options. She HAS to be in control of this situation or they will get nothing done and will end up being behind other kids their age. She also will have to be self-disciplined in order to keep stuff organized and be ready to teach upcoming stuff. If it's been a while since school, she'll be amazed at the stuff she has forgotten already. I did a lot of brushing up on Algebra,etc.

Part of the ability of your wife to have 'time alone' etc, will have a lot to do with how organized she naturally is (I am NOT and this was a struggle for me). If she can be very organized and structure her day well, she can plan to have evenings free. That's where you come in and make sure you provide the time she needs to be an adult and a wife rather than just having kid conversations all week.

With all that being said, I loved homeschooling. I taught my kindergartener at home this year, too and probably will next year, too. Three of ours are in college, one in high school, and they were homeschool until 7th grade so I guess we did okay!

An important question to ask is why she wants to homeschool. If it's because she really thinks it is the best option for them, great! If it's because someone else is pressuring her or if she's being made to feel like less than a decent or godly parent because she isn't homeschooling, then I would ignore those people and listen to what I think is right for my family.

If your wife wants to email me to ask any questions, I am not an expert but I guess I am fairly experienced in this area. I can tell her what I do know.....and I can tell her what the weaknesses were in my homeschooling program and what really worked.

Big decision! Talk to lots of people who have done this. Make sure you've talked to a few whose kids are already through their teen years and ask what they would have done differently in their homeschool years. If you're committed to homeschooling, then talk to people who have been doing it for years and have been successful at it, and whose children are the kind you'd want your kids to be like. There are a whole lot of different ways to do this. If you're learning to cook, you want to learn from someone whose meals you actually like. Same with homeschooling. Check out the 'finished product', as it were.

Have fun!

Answer 4

1. EVERY homeschool situation is different. Some families will spend their entire school time with one parent sitting next to the children and directing every move. On the other end, some families allow the children to work on whatever they wish and the parents aren't necessarily very involved. Most families are somewhere in the middle, finding something they are comfortable with--a mix of directed and independent learning. For my own experiences with my kids (going into grades 2 and 5), there is often little one-on-one they need. A lot of the time they work very independently. However, my children have never been to school. Because yours have been directed for 4-5 years (5 if you count K), they will rely on being told what to do most of the time. If you want them to become independent learners, your wife will have to gradually work in more options.

2. Yes, some families have this problem. The key is for mom to have her own activities she can do in the evenings or to make sure to get out regularly to homeschooling activities so her kids are off with other kids and she gets some adult time. If the kids have a decent bed time, even if it's an early bed time and they spend 30 minutes silently reading or something, that can also give mom some time for herself.

3. If your wife can't say no to the kids, you'll have to talk with her honestly about it and share your concerns. Is she aware of the problem? Ask how you can be a support to her. If she doesn't see that she has a problem in saying no, then yes, homeschooling could be problematic. If she does see that she's got an issue in saying no, then she's got the next year to work on becoming a more assertive parent. Take out parenting books from the library and read them yourself, encouraging her to read them, too, or just talk to her about what you've read.

4. You're probably worried for a mix of valid and not-so-valid reasons. It's totally normal. Homeschooling is a big change for many people!

Answer 5

Hmmm...What are you doing?! It seems like you're not sure...on the one hand your wife seems completely awful, selfish, irresponsible and manipulative. Then the first thing you say that is good about her relates to her sex drive and how she "never denies" you. She is smart enough to be able to successfully manipulate you for money and lie all the time, and while those are ugly characteristics under normal circumstances, so is thinking of your wife's best characteristic as her sexual willingness. I'm sure she picks up on what you value... and I think she sees herself as a good looking capable woman who wants to live a nice lifestyle that she does not have to work outside of her home for. What you are missing here, is the fact htat your wife thinks that you have an unspoken agreement where she will let you have her physically whenever you want, and she gets to financially use and/or manipulate you however she wants. You are a lot alike, whether you admit it or not...you both are willing to trade things and give in just enough to get by but never really be happy because you don't bond through any sort of friendship at all, and I bet you never did. That is awful and I'm sorry if iut's true, but you need to realize the situation or you'll never be able to get past it and move on to someone who is a better match for you.

Answer 6

Well, she definitely needs to learn to say 'no' to them at some point!

I work at home and homeschool 3 kids. My kids were in public school prior to the last 3 years when we've homeschooled. My kids just finished 3rd, 5th and 8th grades. I give them a list of things they need to do and a time to have it done and I am available to help if they need help. I am in my office, typing for my medical transcription job in the mornings and in the afternoon, we sit down and work on our science and history together.

I don't think that it takes a lot more time than the public school homework took most nights. Some of the subjects I can teach them together and some they can handle on their own.

My advice for you and your wife:
1. Find out the homeschooling laws in your area/state.
2. Make sure your wife does get time alone if she needs it.
3. Then, you need to find a curriculum that you like. A homeschool convention might be a good place to start.
4. Find a good homeschool support group in your area!
5. Have fun with this. Homeschooling is a great adventure. We have had so much fun!

Answer 7

I must answer this because you sound like my husband when I wanted to home school our son after the 3rd grade. It was not until our son was starting the 8th grade that he 'saw the light'. It was a few weeks after we started home school that he admitted that he had been wrong.

To answer you questions
1. It depends on the child. It depends on the curriculum.
2. She will need to make time for herself and yes, she probably will go crazy for awhile. That is your job, to be there for her when she needs to vent, needs advice, or needs time for herself.
3. This will be great training for your wife to say 'no' to the kids. She will realize that it is all in your court to train these children the way they should be trained. It is sobering to know that this is our responsibility.
4. It is ok to be worried.

Read. Not just for the kids but for yourself. Home schoolers are learning all the time. The education does not start at 8 and end at 3 nor does it end at age 18.

I don't know if I could have 'taught' before the internet. There is so much support and information available here.

If you have not chosen the curriculum, take your time. Don't spend big dollars on curriculum that may not work.

It is a serious commitment, but it is also something that needs to be entered into with faith that you are doing the right thing. You can relax, even during stress, when you know what you are doing will be best for your children.

Answer 8

It does take commitment.
As far as monitoring, for fifth grader someone needs to be there to explain the concept and then the child can complete the assignment alone, as long as the parent is nearby in case the child needs help. There are some exceptions, some kids who won't work on their own, so its good to check in periodically and make sure they aren't just daydreaming.
Your wife will have to SCHEDULE some time alone, in addition, she should seek out other homeschoolers for support, most areas have support groups and co-ops.
You say your wife can't say no to the kids, as a homeschool mom I can almost guarantee that homeschooling will quickly cure her of that!
Are you worried? Yes, probably, most people are at first. Its a big leap. If you decide to try it you should stay involved and offer your wife as much support as you can,( since it sounds like she will be the one at home teaching.)
If you stay involved, help when you can, and look over what your wife and the kids have been doing at least once a week or so, it should help to set your mind at ease. Staying involved will also help you to spot a problem if there is one.
Finally remember, it doesn't have to be a "forever" thing. You can try it and if it really isn't working for your family, you can put your kids back in school.
I recomend having the kids take a standardized test before starting to see where they are at, then another after the first year of homeschooling to check how far they have come. Your state's homeschooling org. can tell you where you can find testing services, as well as fill you in on laws, support groups in your area etc. Just search the web under home schooling, you should be able to find state-specific sites pretty easily.

Answer 9

1. The parents do NOT have to sit beside the child all day. It takes the parent giving the instruction and the child doing the work. I used A Beka/BJU/Saxon. I write out an outline of their weeks assignments and my children follow it.
2. She may go crazy but it is all in the name of love. Get in a support group in your area where the parents/children meet. That way parents can chat and kids can play.
3.She has GOT to learn the word NO. She has to be the parent/teacher - not their friend. I am really close to my boys that are 12 & 14 and this is our 5th year homeschooling. We all love it.
4.If the parent is dedicated then this is a wonderful thing for a child.

Answer 10

There are alot of great answers already. To add, you can look at www.hslda.org to find the laws and requirements in your state(if you are in the states). Also if you find your wife is starting to burn out, you can offer to 'teach' something. It might not have to be something so detailed as math or grammar, but you can do some experiments for science, go on a LONG nature walk (boy I am sure she'd love the alone time) or read about the civil war and have them research it for you. Since you don't have to keep up with the Monday-Friday 8-3 school hours you can do this any time.

Answer 11

Homeschooling is not just an educational commitment it's a lifestyle commitment. From BOTH of you. She needs to know you are on board with this too and stand behind her.

Depending on what type of method you choose it can be a few hours or all day. We consider all of life to be educational - the formal academics take about 1-4 hours a day - but I have high schoolers.

Your state laws will determine how many hours a day -etc. But even that flexes quite a bit at home as to how you get it done. Homeschooling does NOT require you to sit down and do your work for 8 hours a day. Much of ps work is buys work and time spent managaing the class.

Obedience is the first lesson your kids need to learn. To respect Mom as teacher.

Mom will have alone time - she may have to get creative about it but she will. We have a quiet time every day after lunch where everybody reads/plays quietly for an hour so I can too! and with good support from YOU she'll be fine. Dad helps in the evening or at lunch time sometimes depending on the subjects.

Starting out is always scary! You need to decide why you are doing this and what you are willing to trade off.

check out: The Elijah Company Resource Guide for great tips, articles and synopsies of the main methods. (worth every penny)http://www.homeschoolmarketplace.com
http://www.hslda.org for state laws/regulations
http://www.amblesideonline.com for a free curriculum based on Charlotte Mason's ideas
http://www.timberdoodle.com for resources - great family run business with cheap rates, fast shipping
http://www.rainbowresource.com as was already mentioned - their catalog can be a bit overwhelming though!
http://www.sonlight.com for a great, well rounded, historically based program
http://www.homeschooloasis.com for articles for you both to start to cememnt your educational philosophies, get started.

You will probably find that both you and your wife learn as you go with the kids as well, mature as well and have a wonderful time! It can take up to a year to settle in so don't plan on only doing this for a year - plan at least two and for days when you have no idea why you are doing this!