Why can't I find the right guy?

Question

I always seem to meet a nice guy and we date well for around a month. Then they always leave me! I dont know why! I'm not an overly sassy girl or anything and I when I do choose a guy I do what he wants sexually (even I hate swallowing). So why is that? How can I keep the next guy? I really have no confidence now.

Answer 1

Stop worrying about doing what a guy wants. Try to find a guy that cares about you, not what you do.

Answer 2

Because you're looking for it. You just have to get on with your life and concentrate on making yourself happy (on your own or with your friends) and you'll eventually find someone right for you that way. Think about it- you'd be off doing your own thing- you'd be happy, healthy and enjoying yourself. If you met someone through something you enjoy then you'll probably have similar interests. Plus, if blokes see a happy, energetic woman who's enjoying herself without clinging to some guy then they find it very attractive- a lot more attractive than a girl who's wandering around, upset and single, desperately looking for Mr Right. I know which I'd choose, anyway.

As for the sex thing- if you just do everything they ask, particularly things you don't like doing (like swallowing), then they're going to realise they can do what they like with you, don't need to make an effort with you and don't need to bother showing you any respect. That's great for a while, I'm sure, but soon they'll get bored and leave you, probably not worrying about whether they're hurting you because you've been so submissive.

I'm not saying you should be a ***** and not give your boyfriend any fun just to make a point, but if there's something you don't like doing, then tell him and don't do it. I wouldn't do something for my girlfriend that i didn't like doing, no matter how much I liked her.

Answer 3

This sounds familiar.... i was just like you.. found a nice boy and lasted no longer than a month before i was dumped or cheated on.
1stly i have to say... don't do what ever they want you to do because if they dont like you the way you are then tuff. You can' go changing youself ans doing this (you mentioned sexual things) just because they want you to. If they really care about you then they sould respect you and what you want to do and when you want to do it.

Where he boys i were with wanted me to sleep with them etc and it seemed that was all they wanted... i would'nt give them the pleasure.

I've found what i hope to be the man i spend the rest of my life with... now during roughly the 1st month and didn't sleep with him. he knew my past as before we started going out we had long conversations about both our pasts and what we expected and wanted in our future. Lucky for me, my bf isn't forceful and respcts when i say no. all men are different tho as some are willing to sit and talk and others arn't. but i've found that because me and m partner can and do talk to eachother (no matter how had it maybe to say something or how long it may take) our relationship is strong and i can trust him. Most off all i'm being myself which is what you need to be!

I've been with my partner coming up 9months!!!! it does work! sometimes the right person is right infront of you, ou just dont always see it at 1st.

Answer 4

Hun,

First off leave out sex. I know it seems hard to do in our culture of declining morality. But sex is the after goodies in a marriage. You are being degraded because you give sex up like its candy to every guy you're with. And your whole life is bent around finding a man. You need to worry about getting your life straight and the right guy will end up comming along.

"No ones going to buy the ice cream truck, if they're giving all the popsickles away for free" is a pretty good statement on that. re-align your life, and work on other things. Much love to you.

Answer 5

It's about you growing a backbone and being your own person. Nobody likes a pushover and nobody wants a Stepford Wife (if you don't know about the reference, you should check out the original). Most guys will say they would love someone who does everything they tell them them to do and then some, but in the end, they get BORED.

You don't win and all you lose is your self respect and yourself by becoming something you're not for someone just in hopes of getting them to like you. How can they like you when they never get to really know you, just this fake persona you're creating so they don't leave you?

Honey, you can't stop a person from leaving you no matter how much you tie yourself in a knot to please them. Be yourself and if they don't like it, whatever, at least you didn't have to give up your self in order to find out.

Answer 6

Do you want to be in a relationship that will last fairly long??? .... if you are young and free about your sexuality ..... want to have fun ??? .... dont take things too seriously .... why I say this??? ... cuz I used to be like you ..... a nice person (I would like believe nothing has changed lol) who would do everything for her .... always ended up having not last the things for too long .....

but if you are looking to get serious ..... take your time before you sleep with people ..... by sleeping and giving into them they will have you until they are not bored or not forund someone else .....

but if you wanna have fun ..... and a good laugh .... HELLO ..... there are people waiting lol

Its not you babe .... soo not to lose confidence ..... guys would still want you .... but this so called right guy well no assurances for that .... when we look for things too keenly it never seems to happen ... it will happen with right time ..... I have been looking for a right girl .... and whats happened???? lol

Answer 7

If you're doing stuff you don't want to sexually, then part of the problem IS your lack of sense of who you are and what you want. I would recommend seeing a therapist to help you figure that out. Not because something is wrong with you ( I don't think there is) but because it is an effective way to find out what it is you want in life and what you find important, and then have the therapist help you to find ways to have a better sense of who you are, what you deserve and what you should hold out for.

Keeping the guy is way less important than being ready to enjoy dating.

Answer 8

I think that like me, you're in such a hurry to find the right guy that you settle. Maybe you see only what you want to see rather than what's right in front of you. I know i've done this many many times. Rather than looking for a guy simply live your life not worrying or thinking about it. That way when the right guy does come along you'll be free and hopefully see that he's the one!
good luck!!

Answer 9

It could be a couple of things:

1. the age of the guys you are dating

2. you are consciously or unconsciously seeking out @ssholes. A lot of girls like the "bad boys" who barely care about them enough to have sex with them. Girls mistake the drama in a relationship like that for passion and romance. Before you hook up with a guy, look at how he treats his women friends, or former girlfriends.

3. you might be fishing in a pond where you will only catch @ssholes. If you try to meet guys at clubs, you will only get one of two things: an @sshole or a disease. or both.

If you are going for guys who are out of your league in terms of looks and popularity, that could also be why they use you like a kleenex and throw you away.

You should post a link to a photo of yourself so people can better assess your situation.

Answer 10

wow....i think you are not respecting yourself as a woman. you shouldnt do anything like that for a boyfriend, because then they wont have any respect for you. first you need to learn to respect youself and not be so easy. Guys dont like when a girl is too easy. be friends with them first and see how it goes from there. Also as far as i know the only time that its right to be sexually intimate with a guy is when you get married .....hope i helped....=)

Answer 11

Perhaps you are dating guys who are a little bit out of your league. They are attractive to many women. And it's easy for them to use a girl for sex and then find another one to have fun with.

I suggest that you find a somewhat shy guy who is attractive enough but who has some difficulty meeting women. And he will gladly be your boyfriend for as long as you like. Because finding another girlfriend won't be so easy for him.

He will value his relationship with you.