He was 85 years old and had been ill... It's a distant relative of a close friend, but he lived near by and was always around, so our friend is crushed.
Also, my spouse doesn't always get along with one of this friends' family members... is it fair to ask him to come? How should he act?
2007-06-24 16:49:05 · 12 answers · asked by Habanera 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
my spouse doesn't get along with my friend's long-term significant other... so they can't really avoid each other
2007-06-24 18:45:49 · update #1
Keep it simple and say "i'm so sorry for your loss" Don't offer to do anything for the family unless you really mean to follow up. If you have a short pleasant memory that you can share with them, tell it. But honestly, keep it very short. The grieving most likely can't handle long conversations right now.
As for your husband, unless it will cause serious drama for the next of kin, he should go. A funeral isn't about past issues, and will not be about disagreements. He should act respectfully and quietly and be the better man and don't get into anything with anyone. Realize that the family is going through an ordeal, and the person he doesn't get along with may be touchy, but will also appreciate the fact that he showed to pay his respects.
If he cannot see himself behaving respectfully whatever happens, he should not attend. But he should want to support YOU by attending.
2007-06-24 17:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by corazondiablo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
What do you say to family members at the funeral of a casual friend.?
He was 85 years old and had been ill... It's a distant relative of a close friend, but he lived near by and was always around, so our friend is crushed.
Also, my spouse doesn't always get along with one of this friends' family members... is it fair to ask him to come? How should...
2015-08-11 23:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by Shurlocke 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know for certain that the family members will not be wearing suits and ties, then don't wear that. Go with dress pants and a long sleeve shirt. Stick with black, dark grey or navy colors. Now, if you have a dark colored blazer- bring in the car- that way you have it handy and you can decide whether to wear it or not depending on what you see the other people wearing walking to the funeral.
2016-03-12 21:39:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually, "You have my deepest condolences" is good. If your friend needs to talk then be there for him or her.
As long as your spouse doesn't plan to duke it out with this this family member then you should ask him to go. As your closest family member it is nice if your spouse shows his sympathies in person.
If your spouse is not close to them, then he can bow out and you should honor his decision. Funerals can be real difficult for some and I don't think everyone should be required to attend those of distant acquaintances.
2007-06-24 16:57:02 · answer #4 · answered by San Diego Art Nut 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not essential that you attend the wake or funeral since you say this person wasn't close to you. Would you be more helpful at the funeral home, or meeting with them later and offering your support?
2007-06-24 16:53:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say something like I'm sorry for your loss. I think the main thing is that you go and be supportive for your friend. If your husband would be seated by the person he doesn't get along with, well don't have him go. However, if he likes and respects your friend, he needs to go to support your friend.
2007-06-24 16:53:26 · answer #6 · answered by Purdey EP 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At times of grief, it is not neccessarily what you say, it's about the doing. Keep in touch, bake them a meal be there for comfort. Be there for them after everyone else has left. Don's ask them "What would you like me to do?" cause they wont be in a right frame of mind. If it feels right, do it - within reason of course.
Also, your spouse. Your spouse is your spouse. You may need comfort? Surely at this time, previous arguements and disagreements should be put aside. Invite him to go, he should "act" how he feels appropriate given the circumstances for the gathering......
2007-06-24 16:56:32 · answer #7 · answered by kelstar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it would be cool if he could come. After all, this is the last time he's gonna bear the face of your close friend's relative. And putting their misunderstandings apart would pave the way to the healing of their relationships.
You should just comfort your friend by giving condolences.
2007-06-24 16:53:59 · answer #8 · answered by Matt P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say "I'm sorry for your lost. He was such a sweet old man." If you have decided to leave your spouse at home, say "....(the name of your spouse) is not "well" and sends his condolence. But to be honest, it is during this time that we should console each other regardless of what transpired before. It is a good time to mend and say sorry for everything. I'm sure you would all be fine.
2007-06-24 17:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by Young Uncle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I am sorry for your loss" is all that needs to be said. Your spouse doesn't really have to go to the funeral.
2007-06-24 19:03:22 · answer #10 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋