I have a soon to be six year old son. His biological father is a drug addict who has not been in his life since my son was about 20 months old. I have been with my boyfriend now for four years and he is the only father my son has known. He thinks my boyfriend now is his father. He even refers to my boyfriend as dad. My boyfriend has helped me raise him and treats him as his own since day one. I just need help with telling my son the truth. I don't know when or even how. I feel so guilty. I know my boyfriend loves my son like his own but I just don't want my son to think his life is a big lie. I would like to straighten everything out with him, but I just want to do it the right way so he is not upset or traumatized. please help me figure this out.
2007-06-24 16:36:16 · 5 answers · asked by acura03 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My son is Irish and my boyfriend is spanish so there is the obvious difference between the two. I just feel so guilty. I don't want to hurt my son but I don't want to keep this huge secret drome him. I'm torn.
2007-06-24 16:57:17 · update #1
You need to think it out before you act, so that you don't hurt your son, or get yourself rejected by him. I would ask him how he feels about your boyfriend. Does he like him, is he happy having him as his father? After he replies, and if it is favorable feed back, then I would begin to tell him that your boyfriend is not his real father, but he loves him like he was his father. You can also say that you and his real father didn't get along, and you also thought it would be best that the two of you were separated. Also tell him that you really love your boyfriend, and he has been a wonderful father to your son. I don't believe that I would go much deeper than that. All he will know is that you and his father didn't get along. He won't feel any personal guilt or think he was the blame for the separation. He can easily accept your explanation, and move on with his new Dad. Leave at that. Good Luck I feel he is old enough now, and by keeping the explanation simple, you will all be fine.
2007-06-24 16:59:41 · answer #1 · answered by Butch. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with what Dljack just said, timing is now the issue. I have read many times over that the best time to introduce a difficult subject is when the child is between the ages of 3 - 6 years old. They accept and are able to move on more freely than any other age. what awhile and approach it when he is beyond the age of 3 -4 yrs. He will be able to hear what you say and and be fine with what you are telling him becuase it is his life as he knows it. and that's a good thing.
2007-06-24 23:46:28 · answer #2 · answered by misseasygoing 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just tell him. Your son loves you, and he is only 6. He'll figure out the other stuff later, he just needs to know the basics- that you both love him. He will understand, and you will feel alot better. Good luck to you. Don't go into too much detail. He'll ask questions when he's ready.
2007-06-24 23:43:57 · answer #3 · answered by babidoozer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definatly tell your son but honestly not now, because I am worried that he may not understand everything clearly at 6 years old. Of course, you will HAVE to tell him one day because you dont want him to find it out the hard way... Honestly, I would wait until he is a little bigger, say around 10, because I am not sure that he would understand it very well right now at his age.
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
2007-06-24 23:53:05 · answer #4 · answered by Lilfrenchgurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't tell your son that his real father is a drug addict.
What you can say is something like....I know you love______and even though he's not your real daddy he love you very much too. You real daddy has some problems and he's happy that you have _____ to be a daddy and to love you.
Then let it go unless he asks you questions.
2007-06-24 23:41:40 · answer #5 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋