am i committing child abuse by cursing at my children? could this be post partum depression a year later?

Question

i am a 23 year old with 2 kids. my daughter is 4 and my son will be 1 june 27th. before i had my son i told my boyfriend that i DID NOT want to be a stay at home mom, and now he has forced it upon me. so, i set in a 2 bedroom apt. with 2 kids all day every day, and i feel like i am literally going crazy. i NEVER spank my kids (i do swat the babies hand when he is into something he should not be) but i do curse at them. i say "get your @ss in the bed/bedroom" to my daughter alot and use the f-word. i feel HORRIBLE about this but i cant stop. i feel like my daughter is going to end up hating me and feel unloved. i feel alone, tired, useless, and sometimes i feel like i could just get into my car and drive off and never come back ever again. i am lost and dont know what to do.

i do go to college during the fall and spring sessions...i cant afford the summer...but this is only 4 hours 2 days a week. and then im back on duty the rest of the week and weekend (night and day). but during summer session, it all me, 24/7. and its not an all day every day occurance, but its still a huge problem with myself.

GRANNYGRUMP..NICE NAME. DONT BE SO DAMNED CRITICAL. READ SLOWER AND YOU WILL SEE THAT I NEVER SAID THAT I DIDNT WANT MY KIDS, I SAID I DIDNT WANT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM!!!!I DO LOVE MY KIDS MORE THAN YOU KNOW...I NEVER SAID I DIDNT. ATLEAST IM NOT A STRUNG OUT DRUG ADDICT!!!

Answer 1

Sounds like postpartum...although you can control the word usage. Everyone gets frustrated with their kids at one point or another but really, what's the point of using words like that to a 4 year old? Raise your voice, but don't degrade her by cursing. Eventually she'll start using those words too except you can't get mad at her when she does, because you've set the example.

If you don't have insurance, look in to getting Medicaid. They'll definitely be able to help you find a doctor to see!

As far as your boyfriend, why are you letting him decide what you're going to do with your life? You aren't married, you don't need him to survive. Put the kids in day care and go get a job. Or if on the weekends when you're bf is home, tell him it's his turn, and leave. Don't let him make you feel bad for wanting some time to yourself. You definitely deserve it.

Answer 2

First, you shouldn't be swearing at your kids. I yell at my kids a lot, and I feel guilty about that, but we have a rule in the house about no name calling, and I don't swear AT my kids or my husband, even though I sometimes swear. I don't think this is exactly child abuse, but it's not good for them. They need to grow up feeling loved and wanted and having a sense of self-esteem.

HOWEVER, being a stay-at-home mom does not mean that your boyfriend has no parenting duty. When I first stayed at home I was going nuts. My only connection with the outside world was my husband, and as we all know, men only listen half the time, if we're lucky. I would have a conversation with him, and 10 minutes later he would ask me a question that showed he had been totally spacing out during the entire exchange. I needed an outlet, and found a mom's group to help. There were also many times when at 5:15 when my husband came home the kid got handed to him. And if he came home at 5:30, heaven help him, because I needed a break. If your boyfriend isn't willing to let you have a night off every once in a while, and by that I mean at least once a week, he needs some serious talking to. You should be able to have a drink or dinner with a girlfriend, or go for a manicure, or go to the gym to work off some steam, or something. No wonder you are freaking!

Answer 3

Im not going to sit here and tell you your a bad influence on your children. But you do need to watch your language or else your 4 year old will be saying all the words you say before you know it and than you have another issue on your hands. You are only my age, i have a 5 month old. But your boyfriend really needs to step up and be a MAN ! You need to go out too !!!! why can he not take the kids for an hour for you? i understand that he works....but please, you have them all day and all night. He needs to watch them for you, you are depressed, and you need to tell your boyfriend how you feel. This isnt fair on you if you have to go through this alone. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, i dont care what anybody saids, but it should also be the most enjoyable ! You do need to relax, i understand it can be frustrating but you need to count to 10 and take deep breaths, just remember its not your childrens fault. You need to talk to someone and you also need that boyfriend of yours to step up to the plate. Also why on earth cant you work? even part time, dont you let anyone tell you that you cant, he cant control your life, its your decision, i suggest you should work part time so that gives you a break from the kids, and than you will have some adult company. I work 2 days a week, and its just a little break, but its good for me. Good luck, and please look after yourself and you children.

Answer 4

Really, do not be offended and I am sorry if I get a little bit jumpy. Start a word jar. But a quater in EVERY time you cuss. Then, soon you won't be able too aford it.

Now, consider this. My Mom was you. I started cutting at 9, but actualkly cut myself starting around 7.In three years, do you want your daughter to cut herself? Bet you don't. Or mabey in three years you would like her to hide in a closet because she is afraid of you? Probly not. How about being afraid to sleep? Well, being only 7 my life was hell. Being trapped there I wantewd to kill my parents. Were better now considering I stay in my room all day with the door locked and never come out. We hardly even see each othwe, so we get along well. Yes, your daughter will probly hate you for this. She will feel very unloved. I do. It's the only thing I've ever felt in my life. It has become one with me. The feeling of being unloved? Rekection? Hate? I live with these things everyday. It hurts. It hurts. I keep falling the pitch black darkness...Forever falling...Mabey...Do I hate myself? Mabey I do...Or do I hate the ones around me...? Why am I the scary monster that everyone avoids...Why...Me? Why am I so...Unloved? All the other children...They are loved as I sit in the shadows, watching them with my heart throbbing...I cannot understand why my Mother cannot love me as...Those people love there children...Why? Why can't I be loved. She's told me right to my face. Nearly every week she reminds me of what a bad, unworthy child I am. I feel like screaming. Just screaming and running away. Take me...To whereever...Just so I can be...Loved...Mabey...Is that I ever wanted? That circles though my mind. I cannot get help for I am cut off. I guese if my Mother had not of said those words I would have felt better. Mabey I should drop it in the water. The cords too short, so I'l use an exstenion cord. Or mabey, I should just run away, then go jump off the mountains...The knives are cut proof...Meaning you have to do it more...Pain...The only feeling I've ever felt...


So you really want your kids to be this? No one deserves to be like this...No one...

Answer 5

It does sound like you are depressed. You need to get out of the apartment. It is summertime so there are a lot of opportunities. Take you children to the park or pool. Get out in the fresh air and meet some other moms. Go to the library with your kids. They will enjoy it and then you can pick up something to read as well.

You also need to make sure you get out by yourself every week. Have your boyfriend watch the children when he is available and do something you enjoy. Sometimes when I feel like I need to get away, but there is not time during the daylight hours I go late at night. Seriously, I put the kids to bed and let my husband watch them. Then I go browse a store that is open late (Barnes And Noble, Walmart). It is not that exciting, but it does let me clear my head. I can spend a couple of hours in a book store.

Now let me address the swearing. I know how difficult it can be to control yourself in the heat of the moment, but you have to. Avoid your first impulse, which is to swear. When you start to feel like you are going to get angry take a time-out. Go to your bedroom or bathroom and just take some deep breaths. Visualize something peaceful (the ocean, your children sleeping peacefully, etc.) Wait until you are thinking rationally and then go back to your children. Everyone gets angry at times and has a right to feel anger. You’re not a bad person for feeling angry. Consider what course of action would best address the situation. What can you choose to do or not, to help solve the problem or improve the situation.

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Answer 6

It could be post partum. More likely your children are getting the backlash of you feeling alone, tired and useless.You need to get a hobby, join a playgroup, volunteer somewhere. You need to do something for you and something that gets you out of the house. You will feel better and your family will be happier. Tell your boyfriend, you need a mental health break.
You could always try going to the doctor to get some depression medication. However, that will not take care of the root of your problem.
I know how you feel. I felt the same way when I stayed home when my son was a baby. Going back to work helped me feel like I was doing something. It made me a better parent because I did not take out my feelings on my child.

Answer 7

Well at least you realize that this isn't good. I can totally understand the feeling of going crazy and that at your age having 2 kids is a bit overwhelming. Just remember you still have plenty of time to get a career going when your kids get older and that paying someone else to look after them while you work probably isn't cost effective. Your kids look up to you as a huge role model and will emulate what you do and say. Try your hardest to curb your language and substitute words like *** with behind and the F word with fudge or something. Your kids will if they have not already repeat every word you say.

Try to a play group or something in your community or another family member to talk to. Also just keep reminding yourself that you have many years ahead of you and these days when they are so young will pass.

Answer 8

I'm not sure about the child abuse via cursing but your kids will eventually pick up the words and use them. Especially your son. It could be one of his first words. (Family friend had their son say his first word at church on Sunday.......and it was a curse word) Some people may see it as verbal abuse. Like if someone was cursing at you. If you see it as verbal abuse, it is. (that is up to you though)

As for the alone, tired and useless, I know how you feel. (I'm not a mom) The first few months, after, i got married my husband wanted to try to be the only one to work. I got bored, and felt alone alot. I would talk to your husband about getting a job. Even if it is part-time, you would get out of the apartment. Maybe you have a friend or family member that can babysit for you.

Answer 9

parenting is not easy. nobody will ever claim it to be, just the ones who's never been a parent themselves.

there are times when i do feel like like throwing my kids out the window when they just won't quit... and i can guarantee every parent has gone through or felt the same thing soemtimes. its not all pinks and blues. we all get fed up sometimes. ITS NOT EASY.

my dad was in the military, and my mother was a waitress at a bar, so you can imagine the curse words i grew up with. when i was younger my mother has threatened many times to cut off my hands and stick them in the oven if i ever touch anything i'm not supposed to. she never has of course, they were only words. and my dad, every other word is a curse word.. no matter his mood.

although both my parents were a bit crazy with their words, i can not begin to tell you how much i love those two. they've never failed to teach me to be considerate of others, always have a huge heart, and to never judge people in any way.

sometimes, you can't contain yourself... it happens. what you might wanna do next time is to console your kids everytime an episode like that happens. go to them, make them feel wanted and loved and let them know that you didn't mean what you said and explain why that happened.

Answer 10

depression can creep up on you even a year later, i think its called somthing like peri natal depression or somthing.
and you need to get help for it.
you are abusing your kids, its called emotional abuse. You should never curse at a 1 year old, what the heck he is still a baby and doesn't understand anything. you are suppose to guide them to be what you want not get mad because they aren't that.
you need to get out before you lose it and do somthing you'll regret.
only you can know how much you can take. put the kids in daycare and get a job if that is what will make you feel better. but please do somthinG!! those kids do not deserve that kind of treatment