help my 4 year old is out of controll?

Question

i have a 4 year old girl whos behoviuor is out of controll , she has the worse temper tantrum and has at least 20 a day , every thing has to go her way and has to be done when she wants it done and if not she is uncotrolable , i am not really sure what to do any more .. i am unable to leave the house and can not take her any where because of this she has been like this since about 18 months i have atken her to the doctors and to a behaviour center to try and correct this and nothing has helped i have changed her diet and still nothing .. she doesnt know how to keep still and is always going flat chat ... i am considering having her tested for ADHD what does every one else think i am all out of options and she is going to school next year and would like to try and get it sorted out by then .. PLEASE HELP....

Answer 1

when she has a temper tantrum you just have ignore her completely it might be hard but it will make her realize she is not going to get everything she wants. Also if she has a temper tantrum you should have on to throw a much bigger tantrum then she does and she will stop.

Answer 2

At first I was going to say that it's perfectly normal for a 4 year old to be "out of control" but after I read the rest of your post it seems that she isn't just acting out because she's 4 years old. Usually children at 4 years old or so do tend to want things their way and have the typical temper tantrums but your situation sounds more extreme then that.

I would suggest that you have her tested for ADHD but I'd get a couple of opinions if you want to be sure. For a while there any time a child did *anything* that was considered even slightly different then "normal" behavior they were seemingly automatically diagnosed as having ADHD. To prevent that with your daughter, and to find the true cause, you might want at least a second opinion.

You could also try seeing a psychologist specializing in children. Not that there's anything wrong with her but the psychologist will have insight that a typical doctor wont when it comes to her behavior and may have some useful suggestions. A child psychologist will probably be less likely to jump to conclusions about why she acts the way she does.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Before reading all of your question I was already thinking you need to have her checked and tested with a Pediatric Neurologist that specializes in the field of children's disorders . My grandson has AD with ODD . (Oppositional Defiant Disease). It takes awhile to get testing done and should be started before school age. If not the school will probably recommend the testing, but the longer you wait the longer you and everyone else has to deal with her behavior. Do not hold off taking her for help because it is a mental condition there are a lot of kids that really need the help. when my grandson didn't take his medication everyone could tell by his behavior and writing. He would tell the teachers that he know he was doing things that he shouldn't be but he said " I can't stop it).
Good luck with her and keep trying all you can DO NOT GIVE UP. You need a break too. Look in your area for support groups for ADHD and children with behavior problems.

Answer 4

Ok, my son was pretty close to that . And yes they said he had ADHD ....This is what I learned. It starts now. a list. children are very smart ussually to smart and I think like my son they get bored easy. So the list is a gain or loose. she can gain time to play, time to go outside, a toy for good behavior for a week. even cooking oatmeal cookies. ect. This is a big deal because it teaches them goals. It teaches self-control, working to achieve, convidence, and happyness when something is completed. Sometimes taking everything away even seems like it wont work. But the end result is what matters....your sanity and the childs. I learned that making them go to a corner is the worst punishment that they can stand. But it works . So back to the chart. If you have a chart and the child did not want to do as asked or was out of control then they cant do what ever it is they like best. Or bed time earlier ect. (The chart is work since you will have to find what works best for both of you.) Now comes the temper tantrum. the kid will make a fuss...So into the corner. Do NOT punish and punish for one thing. like ...." you were bad last week so no toy". Nip the bad behavior right then the punishment must be right then and thats it! It takes alot out of you to do this too. Its major work. But in the end you win. Because if you dont do anything like this then you get this behavior for yrs and yrs. So a bit of work and the child will see what buttons not to push. and what they can gain. It cant stop there though. The child will get bored with the chart as is. So when chart is full you get to tell the child you won! you won! the chart is full and you have more good stars then no stars and you get this toy. Or to go to the water park. what ever fits in your budget. Then comes a new chart. There are many, many lists and charts online and books a million to help you out. Read them. Watch others with there children and ask what they do too. There's a woman that has 16 kids and is on tv know and then. She is the most organized person and so goal minded for her children. She makes way more good goals for them to achive in a week then they might not get done ( so they stay busy) but the point is for them to get stars on that chart no matter if they finish all the goals. So if the chart says ( list maybe a better word) help with folding cloths, cleaning the house for there age. ect. ( they stay busy) you get to tell her at 3 pm you have the next goal on your list. To pick up toys but we get to play with one when finished. ( busy) As they get older the list gets better you get to do less work and they achive goals! Talk it over with your 4 yr. old even. Its amazing what they come up with. but they do what change alot. They are smart and want to do this and that and go and go and see and hear and "what about that", till we are exhausted watching them. ha! Stick to your ground rules. You are the boss (or call it coach) of the house not the child. You are there to teach not feel controlled by your childs unruly behavior. I feel for you. Truely I do. My son is 20yrs.old now. And I did it! I made my mistakes surely but I also gained my rewards. I tryed the medicine thing too for ADHD but what always seemed to work best is a chart. He stopped the meds and the charts ruled out to be the best thing if you stay on top of it. He turned out to be a pretty good kid ( man). Hope this helps.

Answer 5

What kind of reaction does she get from you whe she pitches a fit? Whatever you are doing must be the kind of feedback she wants.

The only way to deal with frequent tantrums is to ignore her completely until she recovers. It is not going to be easy, and she's going to respond at first by upping the ante by becoming more destructive or louder. You have to stick with it.

It took my sister a couple of months to stop the daily tantrums with her son that way. They would still happen occasionaly for a while, but with diminishing frequency and strength.

Answer 6

I have a 7 y/o son that has adhd and odd. he is uncontrollable sometimes even now that he is on meds. I also have a 5y/o daughter that I think has learned the behavior from him. It is really hard sometimes. Once she gets to school, they might help. My son's teacher did, she actually asked me about having him tested. I had him to the dr.s before that with no help from any of them. But since she had referred me to get help, they all seemed a bit more helpful. I am trying to not let my 1 y/o son learn that behavior to no avail. Good luck.

Answer 7

have her tested, in the meantime, do not pay any attention to her when she throws a fit. if she persists, put her in her room with the instructions that when she is ready to act like a normal human being she may come out of there, when she acts out again back to the room she may spend a full week in there but at least with the door closed it will not be as loud, sooner or later she will figure out just why she is in there and not out having fun, that's what my Mom did with us, and we learned quickly to act right because it was boring in our rooms, NO TV, radio, computer, video games. all we had was a book

Answer 8

No caf. no sugar not even natural sweet. Play time bed time all should be listed and done then and only then. She didn't get this way over night and it will take a long time to get her out of this behavior. Ware her out run play walk miles dance anything to make her tired and if you need time out hire a sitter

Answer 9

It honestly sounds to me like she may have ADHD. It's pretty common... and the worst thing they could say is no. I say give it a shot... if it's not, then at least they will know what's wrong.

It's not normal... and it sounds like you are concerned as a parent, so it's not bad parenting. I think you should have her tested.

Answer 10

Okay you have got to try this program... it is called 1,2,3 Magic.. and it works wonders for my little 3 year old... he didn't throw that many tantrums but he had a lot of other bad behaviors that I was struggling with to get him to stop... this program works... try it..