Is the daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law relationship ever smooth?

Question

When I look back on my marriage, I was never able to adjust to my mother-in-law. I wonder if this relationship is ever smooth.

I remember one incident. We had gone to my my In-laws to discuss planning my daughter's 9th birthday party. My ex-husband was talking to his father.

I was sitting quietly. My mother-in-law came up to me and said "Can you talk, maam?" Then, my ex-husband joined in and said this is the problem with me - I never communicate.

They ganged up on me and so I got upset and left their apartment. I wanted to take my daughter with me and my mother-in-law said "No, she is going to stay here."

My father-in-law was nice and he came downstairs from their apartment with me and showed me the Serenity Prayer which was on the wall.

I wonder what I could have done to make the relationship smoother.

Now, my mother-in-law wants me to get back together with her son. I think that she is worried about his life and wants to see it stabilized.

Answer 1

First off she had no right to tell you that YOUR daughter should stay w/ her. It's your child not hers. I'm not a very social person either and I'm not about gossiping everytime I'm around someone. My in-laws noticed that about me in the begining too. Yet I couldn't care less what they or anyone thought. Hell I get annoyed w/ people who talk too much but I'm not rude to them either. Unless they got a problem w/ me.That's just the way the way they are and this is the way I am. It's good your no longer w/ that mama's boy of ex husband. Your better of w/out him and his hyprocritical parents.

Answer 2

I've been in this same place. My (ex) mother-in-law even had the nerve to say "you'll be lucky if my son shows up at the church on Saturday" - two days before my wedding. I always felt uncomfortable going over there. Now that we are divorced and she sees what he is going thru with his current wife, they call and stop by often to see the grandkids and tell me I'm more than welcome to come over anytime.

It is not always like this though. My best friend and her mother-in-law are really good friends. They do things together like a mother and daughter would do. I hope to have a relationship like this one day.

Answer 3

My relationship is really smooth with my mother-in-law. I guess it helps that she lives in a different country and we can't speak the same language! It sounds as though your mother-in-law is rude and doesn't care too much about your feelings and a relationship needs two people to work at it. So there is only so much you can do. You could sit down and talk to her about it, let her know you're interested in a better relationship with her and come up with solutions. Her son is old enough to stabilize his own life without his mother trying to do it for him. You should not feel trapped to turn his life around, after all, you didn't make the decisions that have led him to where he is now.

Answer 4

MIL relationships are NEVER easy. One must remember that the MIL SOME TIMES may never understand or accept the fact that there is a different female in his life. I have followed your questions and your inner turmoil with this family and your daughter. It appears your MIL has not as yet (and may never) know that she is not running any show. Decisions on your future will lay strictly in YOUR hands and heart. I understand that you desperately want to reunite with your daughter (it will happen) but does that mean you must subjugate yourself to him and his Mother AGAIN? There are no swift answers when it comes to another female in the lives of our (present/x) husbands. Your MIL knows your weak spot and can manipulate you this is what she did when she told you your daughter was not leaving. Transitions are not easy- you MIL is still running the show until you stop it. YOU R IN CONTROL>DO NOT WORRY If SHE OR ANYONE ELSE thinks they know what is best- only you can answer that. I see you struggling with trying to be totally independent and yet STILL trying to please his family. You are woman, You are whole. You need to listen to the old song by Helen Redding I am woman. Perhaps there may be some answers in the lyrics of the song.
AS USUAL--- Wishing you loads of luck with your decisions- Your YAHOO- FRIEND.

Answer 5

Wow...your mother in law has her nerve to ask you now to be apart of her son's life.

I'd say, unless it benefitted you in many aspects you should not do so.

I had a pretty good relationship with my mother in law and I'm learning now how to maintain a good relationship with my daughter in law.

It's a hard balance but can be done.

Answer 6

some are evil. my friends ex boyfriend mom, for christmas gave her a ornament of a pig. while she gave her nephews g/f brighton jewelry. some moms are just like that so dont feel bad

Answer 7

Yes, I never had a problem. Instead of getting upset, say something like you were just listening and say sorry. There are just some things you will have to suck up.

Answer 8

YOU NEED TO TRY AND GET ALONG WITH HER AFTER ALL YOU ARE MARRIED TO HER DAUGHTER MAYBE SHE DOESN'T THINK YOUR THE RIGHT ONE FOR HER ASK HER GET IT OUT IN THE OPEN AND DON'T FIGHT W/HER THAT'S A MISTAKE