This is a question I have wondered about for a long time?

Question

Why do some woman go back to husbands who beat them, time and time again.
Woman who have their teeth knocked out, jaw
broke left black and blue. They phone the police and get the brute charged, then after a week or two drop the charges.
Then tell their friends, he did not mean it he loves me, it will never happen again and the woman with stiches in her head believes it.
What would you do if your husband hit you?
would you forgive him.

Answer 1

He'd be out the door so fast his head would spin.
When I married him, I told him that I would never allow him to hit me. All these years, we've settled any and all differences without resorting to brutality.

Answer 2

I think self-esteem plays a big role. If you're beaten constantly and have all your faults (real or imagined) rammed down your throat all day, everyday... perhaps you begin to believe you're not worthy of a better relationship. If someone expresses love or admiration toward you, you wonder why. I think this is also why a woman who has left an abusive relationship often leaves a GOOD one to go back to an abuser: she really doesn't think that she deserves being loved. Either that, or she's been around abuse for so long, she's waiting for "the other shoe to drop" and the wonderful man she's with suddenly becomes just like what she's lived with all along. So she leaves before that happens, going to someone else who is an a**hole up front.

If my wife ever struck me, that would be the end of our marriage. If I try role-reversal, I see that I can't strike someone that I respect. So if she struck me, that would mean the marriage's very foundation is gone. There's nothing to try and salvage after that point.

Answer 3

If a man hits a woman all she can do is leave him. She should not let him communicate with her, because they are always sorry and they always say it will never happen again, but it always happens again.

These poor women are so caught up in this lifestyle of fear, bitterness and stress that they know no other life and they continually think themselves not worthy of anything better. They have self-hatred and blame themselves for getting the beatings as if they deserved it. Of course, he tells them that they do deserve it. No woman deserves to be beaten by a man. I don't care what the woman did or said.

Leave this man and never, never go back. The next time he will kill you and maybe hurt your children. Leave now and don't ever look back on him.

Answer 4

In addition to low self esteem, there is an addiction to the chemicals that are released in the brain and the body, believe it or not. Our emotions and thoughts are created/ effected by a cascade of chemicals released, depending on the circumstances - starting with dopamine, acetylcholine, and serotonin.....

thick emotional situations cause thick chemical reactions - and this addiction, while it makes no sense from the "outside", is real and as compelling as a heroin addicts need for a fix. This explains part of the why, of a woman repeatedly going back, even when her life is at risk.

It is a dreadful, desperate situation, and generally women who are hooked in need more than words and support - they need to be physically separated from the cause of the situation, the abuser.Which is, of course, what they are most fearful of, after being brainwashed into what will happen if they leave.
Brainwashing, post traumatic stress disorders, these are real conditions to these women.
Think of it as though the husband/boyfriend has created his own personal cult of one, with him as the leader.

Answer 5

I don't think you can answer what you would do unless it actually happened. I'd like to believe that i would kick him out and never go back but i love my husband very much so may forgive him the first time in hope that it wont happen again. That is what i imagine goes on in these poor women's heads. Always hoping their man will change for the better. I also agree with the others. She may be too scared, especially if they have children.

Answer 6

For many the main reason is fear.

That kind of guy will tell you in no uncertain terms that if you leave him, he will track you down and kill you. The fact is that more women are killed trying to leave their abuser than trying to stay and work it out.

Society really needs to up it's standards where domestic violence is concerned. Police should be required to press charges if they see any evidence of abuse.

It can be a long. slow, painful process to leave an abusive husband and there are not nearly enough resources available. Keep in mind that we are not that far away from the times when wives were considered their husband's property and that many religions today still teach that a wife must submit to her husband's rule.

Answer 7

Well to answer your first question is most women that go back to an abusive husband have low self esteem they think he is the best they can get because with physical abuse comes mental. If I was married and my husband hit me I'd press charges and if he got off then I know a bunch of guys that would be looking for him to show him that hitting a woman is hazardous to your heath.

Answer 8

Most of those women don't have good self esteem. Their husbands tell them their stupid and ugly or that they deserved it. They're manipulative and are able to convince their wives that they don't deserve better or that it was an accident and they really do love them. The wives believe these lies and decide that they should forgive them. Sometimes the wives have indeed fallen in love with their husbands and can't stand to bear the idea that the one they love could be so cruel. So when he apologizes or offers excuses, they jump at the chance and forgive them in order to keep the illusion of love that they've created in their heads.

Answer 9

I was in abusive relationships for years ..Never had my teeth knocked out but any abuse doesn't make it right...It's called co-dependency has to do with self esteem and learned behaviors..Only if you can identify co-dependency then you can change your mind with help... God was my deliverer from abuse....

Some go back out of fear of loneliness or they have been brain washed to believe they will never have anyone else.... Threats and control and manipulation are grippers if you let them be.Lack of self worth and a misconception of what love really is are factors....Mental illness also

My first husband verbally and physically abused me when I realized it wasn't normal behavior I left and never went back.
He would have hurt me badly or killed me eventually ..We were only together 6 mos.

The co-dependent only sees the good side of the persons behaviors and hold onto that with the hope they can change the bad behaviors..I know it is a sad affair but it is real and is an escalating problem in our society.....

Answer 10

I honestly can't think of a single rational reason all I know is it angers me beyond belief, I think sometimes the police should be able to push ahead with such charges with or without the wifes permission or even co operation though it would obviously be more difficult this way, but I feel this would definitely be in the wifes interest.

Answer 11

There's very little to do with forgiveness involved.

My wife is a lawyer who deals with many domestic violence cases. In many situations where the wife returns to a violent husband it is because of one of a number of factors:-
1. He is a control freak and has total control over her. This may seem surprising to many who haven't esperienced this but a controlling husband often convinces the wife that she is so totally useless that the only way she can survive is to stay with him

2. Learned Victim Syndrome. The wife is desperate of attention and is so used to being abused that in her life it becomes normal.

3. Violent husbands often make life so unpleasant for the wife if she leaves or throws him out that she mistakenly believes that things will improve if they get back together

4. Violent husbands are often also very persuasive and manipulative characters. Often they simply convince the wife to let him back.

5. It is common for any children in the marriage to be used as bargaining chips or as blackmail by the husband who may threaten to take them away and never return them, kill himself and them or report the mother to social services over some alleged incident of neglect or abuse (often made up or exagerrated).