Should I let my children age 9 and 17 see their Father that does drugs?

Question

Help.. I have two children that are 17 (boy) and 9 (girl) The problem is their Father and I divorced 4 years ago because of his drug abuse. He has not had alot to do with either of them ever since, even though he lives two blocks away. My son has always known the truth about the divorce and the drug use. He witnessed it many times, but now my daughter is asking alot of questons. My son has recently tried to get ahold of him and has now decieded he is done with trying and if his dad wants a relationship he can get ahold of him..He has told him he will give him one last chance, but if he does not stay in his life he is done for good. I'm unsure of how to handle it with my 9 year old daughter. He has no set visitation and might see her once a month for a hour or so, but now I'm afraid he will show up and want to be involved ( which that will not last) It never has! He has two drug charges and I'm afraid he is using again, since he recently quit his job. He does not pay CS HELP

Thanks for all of the answers... I do have my daughter in counseling and I did not mention that my children do have a step-father that is very good to both of them. Does anyone know if i have a legal right to cut the ties with their dad? I do not think it is healthy for either of them for him to be in and be out of their lives. The only time he contacts my 17 year old is when he needs something . I've tried getting help from child support enforcement for the CS they do not do too much...He does not have a drivers license anyways so taht would not bother him

Answer 1

You don't have a problem here. He's not interested and he's not around. Your daughter already knows he's a drug addict, if her brother knows. As a mom of kids who's dad is a drunk(was, is 3yrs sober now) while I never bad mouth him, I don't pull any punches. Kids need to know the truth, and frankly I think its easier to know that his human failings causes him to not be there rather than he just doesn't want to. Be sure to explain drug addiction to them, and if you aren't in Alanon, you all three need to be. Your son is old enough to handle his relationship with his father, you need to stay out of it. Don't ever let your little girl go anywhere with him alone, and warn your son what could happen if he's with his father and something goes wrong. Good luck.

Answer 2

Move away from this man, two blocks away is too close. If you can, far away. He will be no good to your kids as a parent until or if he ever kicks the drugs. Also, get your kids into seeing a counselor that specializes in children with divorced parents and those who have drug abuse problems so that your kids don't end up using drugs, it's never too soon. Ask your regular doctor to recommend a psychologist for you to take them to. If you cannot afford it or insurance doesn't cover it, then research what to tell them yourself using the free community drug abuse resistance programs usually run by the local police departments or town government. They will know who to contact so you can get information to help. Notify the courts about him not paying CS because they will jail him for it if it's overdue. Some states like FL also take away his drivers license for non payment of CS. You deserve a better man! Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

If you have had some good thorough talks with your daughter about drugs and drug use and how it affects others in your life? I think once you have done that it may be okay I'm no expert but i also don't think that you would want your child to never look back and say my mom never let me see him or anything like that. Its a tough situation but pray and ask God about it and I am sure he will let you know how to handle it. Also you can probably see if there are any city or county drug programs that can give you information about family members who use drugs what to and what not to do! Also try looking through the Internet.

Answer 4

Sounds like your son has a plan. He's accepted what his father is and is prepared to take whatever comes. Your daughter, on the other hand, is a lot younger. But if she's asking questions she deserves an honest answer. She already knows that she doesn't see her father very often. She HAS to have an idea why. I mean, kids this age aren't that stupid. If you think your ex is using again I would not let your daughter spend time with him alone and away from your home.

Answer 5

this is good question that I had to deal professionally. If dad is not in some outpatient rehab facility and you honestly fear that he is using while seeing the kids, don't. Depending on whether the family courts are aware of his situation, they should have court ordered him as part of the condition for visitation rights. Being in the car with dad while intoxicated is not a good thought. Ask the children if they want to see the dad. The safety and welfare of the children are your first priority. IF they don't, don't push them. As far as CS, you need to let the courts know. This will change the visitation and /or the legal/joint custody rights. Notify the courts immediately.!!

Answer 6

your son is 17 and you know thats around the age when kids start experimenting with drugs. i would watch your son around the father. not saying that the father would give him drugs but since he does drugs it wouldnt be hard to get his hands on. also it hurts a child in a way that can never be fixed when they see their parent, who they love and who is supposed to be their role model, "messed up". your children will most likely never look at him with the respect a normal parent would get from their children. you are the responsible parent so if i were you i would shelter my 9 year old from the father as much as possible. your son is getting old enough to make his own decisions and he has already witnessed the drug use. i understand your concern, it is a mothers instinct to protect their babies.

Answer 7

If your son as a young man at 17 chooses to see his father that is his choice to make it's not a matter of you letting him or not. The younger one I'd say no with an explanation you do not want him around the drug using environment.

Answer 8

Well this is what i wanted to say on your last question. Their only assuming things because your explanation was not good enough to back up your opinions on your mother.If you want people to be on your side...you have to dig deep. A good majority of people will not expect some children to hold their mothers in a pedesfal as long as there is a good reason behind it. Which usually the reasons end up being the mother doing something or multiple horrible things to her child.

Answer 9

It sounds like he's a lost cause. I would normally say to give him another chance, but from what I've read, I think you need to be more concerned about your children than your ex-husband. I would NOT want my children exposed to such an environment.

Answer 10

Tell her honestly, that you don't feel it is a good idea for her to see him just now. Tell her why. She is 9, and that age group knows more than we give them credit for. Tell her she will eventually get to visit with him but it won't be anytime soon.

No negative comments, just matter of fact answers to her questions.

Peace