What Do You Say to a Parent When Their Child is Completely Out of Control?

Question

I was at IKEA today. It opened exactly one month ago, and it's still extremely busy, as it's the first IKEA store in our state. There was a family with three children, and all of the children had those wheelie sneakers with the wheels in them, and were skating around. The two younger, smaller children were sticking close to the parents, but the oldest child, a girl of about 12, was all over the place. She kept running into displays, and knocking things down, but worse, she kept running into people. She hit me twice, once hard enough to knock my purse and my loaded IKEA bag off my shoulder. I was annoyed, but I didn't get really angry until she ran into a very petite woman with a child on her hip. She hit the woman so hard that the woman actually fell forward, nearly dropping her child. She threw a hand out at the last minute and caught herself on a sofa. I shudder to think what would have happened had she been by the castered office chairs.

What does one politely say, and to whom?

And yes, I considered throttling the child myself, but thought that might be considered rude ;)

Answer 1

Given what you described, I don't think you need to concern yourself with being polite. The parents should not even need to be spoken to - they should be proactively managing their children.

If you're not comfortable saying something directly to the parents, pointing out the obvious dangers associated with their child's behavior, say something to a store manager and let him/her speak to the parents.

While parents may not appreciate criticism of their children's behavior, they'll be less pleased if they're sued for damages resulting from their children's behavior.

Answer 2

A parent who has a child like that didn't suddenly wake up one day and notice their child was like that. It takes years of being oblivious and too lenient to create that. These parents obviously have spent too much time trying to be the "hip" parents or the parent who is friends with their kids, rather than setting limits and boundaries and enforcing the household rules.

I'm assuming the parents saw their child doing this at IKEA?

If these parents were friends of yours that you knew you'd see again, your approach would be different and much more tactful. Since you'll hopefully never see these inconsiderate parents again, I would either approach them directly or an IKEA manager and ask them to deal with it after you explain the situation.

In this case, if an elderly women actually fell in IKEA and was injured, IKEA would be liable, despite the fact that the cause was a poorly disciplined child.

IKEA being a large corporation has a lot to lose financially, so I suspect a manager would act quickly and ask that family to leave if they couldn't control their child.

If you would rather approach the couple yourself, just be aware that they are clearly poor parents who don't think they are doing anything wrong (otherwise they wouldn't have created the situation), so unless you are very gentle, you are apt to insult them and get into an argument.

If you want to avoid the argument since approach them and say "I'm sure you didn't see it, but I just wanted to let you know your daughter almost knocked me over, and also knocked over an elderly woman, I just thought I would tell you before someone called security". That way you aren't judging or laying blame (though they clearly deserve it) and you appear to be helping them.

Personally I would go the route of letting IKEA deal with it.

Answer 3

Being a parent of three, I can tell you it can be a hand full in a store. It is possible that they didn't see their daughter's actions. Did you consider saying "excuse me, your daughter just struck that young mother and crashed into me as well. Will you please speak with her?" Sometimes we just don't see what has happened.

That being said, I would never let my kids skate in a store. Appallingly rude. As a mom, I would have felt completely at ease with speaking to the parents and explaining that the daughters actions could easily lead to a lawsuit, as in many areas parents are held responsible for the damage that their children do. However, if you speak directly to the child you are asking for a problem. Always approach the parents, and be as polite as possible. (If you appear apologetic when you tattle on a kid instead of affronted, often the parents will react far better and are quicker to change the behavior of the kids).

You can also draw attention to the manager. It is possible to be banned from a store for such behavior.

Answer 4

Well,
i think one option to do is just leave them be.
Another acceptable option is to go up to the mum and/or dad and say excuse sir/ma'am, would you mind watching your children more closely, they are being a little careless and im worried they may run off and hurt themselves.
Or you could say "Excuse, but would you please keep a closer watch on your children. They are disturbing the other customers and i hate to see someone hurt." They will not like this at, all, not one little bit. But the other customers will appreaciate so think about stepping on 1 families toes for the greater good of all the customers.
You could always ask someone who works there to have a talk with the couple. That behavior is not acceptable and no one should have to accept it.

Answer 5

Hmmm....you have the patience of a saint because if it were me. I would have gone to the parent and "politely" told her that if she could not control her child I would "personally remove the childs sneaker skates and shove them so far up her mothers azz, she would need a colonoscopy scope to lace them". I truly believe this type of footwear should be banned from indoor, public places. One of these days someone is going to get hurt and some store is going to have a nice lawsuit on their hands. Maybe then they will wake up! (Hmmm....I need a new house, maybe I will search out that little brat. What IKEA were you at? lol)

Answer 6

Well, there are several things you could have possibly done.

1. Report to a staff member.
2. Tell the girl, "Please, watch where you're going. If you don't know how to use those, maybe you should stop."
3. Tell her parents, "Your daughter has been causing damage, and as much as your patronage may be appreciated, I'm sure that avoiding paying fees to fix everything would balance it out."
4. Cry out, "Oh my God! Ma'am are you alright? I saw that girl run into you! She ran into me too! Is your child alright?" Make sure it's loud enough to get everyone's attention, including her parents as you look in horror at the girl. It should suitably embarrass parents and child.

It seems my responses degrade as I go further down the list, I shall stop for now, then.

Answer 7

Get a store employee to get the store security to keep an eye on the situation. Believe me, the store wants to keep this from happening as much as you do. Also, having security talk to the parents can be quite humiliating for them and maybe will shame them into controlling their child.

Answer 8

If the parents weren't nearby, I would point out the offender to a store employee who should then take care of it.

Answer 9

"Do you realize that you are responsible for the damage that your child is doing? If you don't want to find yourself in the midst of a lawsuit you had better get a handle on your child!"

Answer 10

Tell the parent (s) to stay in control. There is 1 out of control and SOMEBODY has to stay focused to make this work.
Tell the parent to do WHATEVER it takes to STAY FOCUSED...
You will tell them to take the kid to a doctor to see if there is anything wrong as in
( he needs medicine to stay focused) or he is mental or something.
Once you take him to the doctor and figure out what is wrong it should be fine from there...