I've planned my wedding for August of 2008. I asked my best friend to be my Matron of Honor. She said yes and is very excited. (I've known her for 16 years and was her Maid of Honor.) Today, she told me that she and her husband are planning to start trying to get pregnant in November of this year - exactly 9 months before my wedding. Would it be okay for me to ask her to wait just one month to start trying? I feel rude asking her to do this, yet I really want her to be at my wedding. If she gets pregnant in November, then she may even miss the wedding!
2007-06-23 20:54:08 · 27 answers · asked by Laura M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
For those of you who asked, yes, I definitely would have moved my wedding earlier if I had known when she wanted to start trying. Unfortunately, though, I have already paid a non-refundable deposits for the site, the photographer, and the florist. It would be prohibtively expensive for me to move the date.
2007-06-23 21:09:41 · update #1
My first reaction to your question was to say not to ask her to wait. But if you're as close as you say you are, I suppose it doesn't hurt. The worst she can say is no! I talk to my best friend about anything and everything and would definitely be comfortable bringing this up with her.
If you don't feel like she would flip out at you, maybe say something like, "I just realized that if you get pregnant right away, you'll be 9 months at my wedding and might end up missing it. I really do want you to be there. Too bad you aren't going to start trying in December instead." She'll probably tell you the reason why they aren't starting in December (maybe she wants an August baby) or say good point, and talk to her husband about it.
This way you aren't being rude by outright asking her, but it's still being raised. If she doesn't "take the bait" then she's ignoring it and I wouldn't push it. And hey, maybe it'll take her 6 months to get pregnant anyway (it doesn't always happen right away) so she may not be anywhere near her due date by then!
2007-06-24 02:20:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Ok things like that work out in a funny way. She may very well try to get pregnant and not be successful. They say some times it takes a year of trying to actually become pregnant so I would say test the waters but definitely have a back up plan. November is so far away who knows what may happen. Heck, she may get pregnant now and be healed and ready for your wedding next August. I would have a back up plan though so you are not stuck if things do happen
2007-06-24 08:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by sjlova86 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should not ask her to do that. Just keep things the way they are. Usually when couples start trying to have a baby it takes a few months. Besides asking her to wait really will make it sound like you think your wedding is more important than her having a child and that would hurt her very much and you cannot take that kind of hurt back.
Edit: I cant believe how many women think it's okay to suggest waiting. My god a baby is more important than your wedding day, geez I know it's important, but how friggen selfish can you people be.
2007-06-24 05:20:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Her family planning is not yours to control. Don't ask her. After all, did she ask you to change your wedding date in case it turns out to be close to her due date?
If she does become pregnant right away, then talk to her about how you're going to handle it if she can't attend the wedding. Make sure she understands that any disappointment on your part is ENTIRELY about the possibility that you may not have your dearest friend at your side that day.
If she doesn't become pregnant right away, then show your support for her. Don't make it about your wedding.
Most of all, keep in mind that the most important thing isn't whether she's at your wedding or not; it's maintaining a sixteen year friendship.
2007-06-24 04:17:13 · answer #4 · answered by gileswench 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's really rare to get pregnant immediately upon starting to try, especially if she's been on birth control for any length of time. This is a decision that they have been debating I'm sure so asking them to wait could seem awfully intrusive. You know you could check with the site and see if the date can be moved. They usually will do that if it hasn't been booked already and then you aren't out of a deposit.
2007-06-24 07:30:45 · answer #5 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is very rude to ask her to change her plans to start a family. If she is pregnant at your wedding what difference would it make? The only real issue is her dress and this should be selected a little later down the road just in case she does get pregnant.
2007-06-24 08:42:12 · answer #6 · answered by Patty G 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have 1 day to be "princess," not an entire month. You should not say one thing to your friend. If she does become pregnant, you should not replace her, as what else could be a better celebration of marriage except new life? Simply ask her if she would be more comfortable sitting during the ceremony. If there are complications, and she can't come, just realize that giving birth to a baby is more important than an expensive party.
2007-06-24 04:54:06 · answer #7 · answered by Missing 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hey i think that you really should talk to her about it... but dont just come and out and tell her to wait because having a baby is the most important thing to your friend and her husband... Trust me when i say this though getting pregnant isnt so easy... so you might be worried about nothing so just talk to her... if ya'll have been best friends this long then ya'll will come to an agreement..... like if she does end up pregnant then make a bench in your wedding for her to sit and have a back up maid of honor...cant hurt.... good luck.....
2007-06-24 04:09:38 · answer #8 · answered by Kimolay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just because they start trying in Novemeber doesn't mean it will happen in November.
The thing is, if they are ready to start a family, it's not up to anyone else to ask them to wait. If people wait until the "perfect time" they would wait forever.
Just keep things as they are and ask someone who wouldn't be offended either way to be an emergency stand in.
A girl I work with was asked TWO days before a wedding to be a stand in bridesmaid because one of the girls went into labor. She wasn't close enough to the bride to be a bridesmaid, but close enough to happily stand in and not be offended.
2007-06-24 10:24:35 · answer #9 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just because they are PLANNING to have a baby, does not mean that they WILL get pregnant and be due on your wedding day.
I would not worry about something that might not happen.
Just wait and see how it goes.
2007-06-24 07:03:33 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋