Can I ever forgive myself for the things I have done??

Question

I'm a tremendous Liar,I destroyed my relationship with Dalia
Body: I'm putting this out to all my friends, not for pitty but for you to all know the kind of worthless peace of **** I have been to the woman I love. My actions did not show the love that I claim to have, and I deserve nothing less than what I'm getting, for my tremendously horendous and disgusting lies and manipulations have earned me nothing more than hatred and loathing from the one I so dearly cared for. When I met Dalia I told her several lies that led her to believe that I could not only see things that were not there but made me seem like what I thought in my head was a better more attractive and far more exciting man than what I really am. those lies included but where not limited to saying that I had been in the Marines which I have never been in and claming that I killed people for money which I could never do, it also included me telling her that I saw demons in the strip club that we work at and I went even as far as claiming that one had pissed on her head as she stood in the club. After that it got worse because I was faced with lying even more to her in order to keep past lies alive and then I continued to lie in order to keep my so called image alive in my head. To all of you out there that I have lied to I'm sorry and I do Understand if I am deleted from your friends lists for what I have done and I deserve nothing less for the lies I have spread and manipulation I wrought upon others with my disgusting and repulsive lies. I do this because it is time for me to move forward instead of taking steps back in the wrong direction. For the record I want to clear some things up in front of you all in case I have lied to you

1) I have never been in the marines or have ever done anything in the military other than R.O.T.C. while I was in high school and some training that they put us through( I'm Sorry Irvin)

2) I have never killed anyone in my life or have ever been payed to kill anyone in my life it is all a lie.

3) I do not see demons, Devils, or anything supernatural ever.

4) I have never had more than approx. 10-11 sex partners in my life, and really I wish I could say 1

5)I wrecked my blue Cobra on the street not on the track like I have told so many people in the past

6) I am not a special ed teacher but actually a one on one instructor for Autistic children which really is nothing more than a Glorified Aide that would be left alone in the class with the kids while the teacher went to lunch or to make a phone call

7)I am not director of marketing for any strip club I am simply the only active promoter for the club.

8) I did consider becoming a priest at one time but did not actually take any theology classes. . .Ever!

9) I have cheated on a girlfriend in the past and there is no ex-cuse for that bar none.(I'm Sorry Nicole)

10) I did take money from an account that my mother and I had set up for the property tax on my house without consulting her and I have paid the price for that and did in fact repay her/ the account although in her eyes I can never repay it.

11) Finally the one that is the most embarrasing to me but probably has caused me to be as homophobic as I have been, I allowed a gay man to grab and fondle my penis because I was promised that I was going to get a shot at 4 girls at the same time at a motel party (which never happened cause I was suckered,Thanx, Rose)

So again I tell you all I'm sorry for liyng to you and I'm truly sorry that I set such weak foundations to a relationship with a woman who I loved so dearly but never actually Deserved
If only I could go back in time and start it all over again I would But as you know hind sight is always 20/20.
In my heart I hope that one day I am Blessed with Dalia's forgiveness and possibly friendship, but in my head I know that it is unlikely that she will ever bless me with a look from her wonderful and loving eyes again

From the bottom of my heart I'm truly sorry to you all
James R. Becerra

Answer 1

It's good that you have come to your senses and realized that you've made some horrible mistakes in life that cost you dearly. Admitting your problems is one of the first steps towards recovery. Some of your friends may forgive you, the others will see you as a totally different person from here on out. You just have to accept their decisions, respect them, considering the situation, and move on.

Just don't go doing anything irrational now. I would suggest just spending some time alone (if you haven't done so already) and think things through, though it seems quite clearly that you have done so already. Now try and fix your problems, repent by helping those who are truly hurt, if possible. Also try and steer anyone else who's in the same situation towards the righter way.

Answer 2

wow man das deep. as long as you can forgive yourself then others will do the same. you have already taken the first step to "face" your demons. now all you need is a little catharsis and good mindset. i remember several years ago i was just a complete a** and multiple bad things happend. i then picked up a hobby and went from there. i changed my focus from people to studies. but in the end i saw that time as a life changing one. thats how you should handle this one: find a medium to purge your negitive emotions. do positives things that will better yourself and your relationships. then live like a carefree saint. remember that all things that happen....happen for a reason and your reason or purpose might be the knowledge that you gain from this experience. keep you head high and press forward toward the future.......full of bigger and always better things

Answer 3

If nothing else you have put together a nice list and I hope the people you have lied to at least take the time to read this. They may not forgive you but they should at least see that you wrote this.

Answer 4

pal i have to say this you are honest as to being open to your past nort start a life tat you deserve seem.s like you have bee carring this a long time good luck i truley mean this . in my opion?

Answer 5

Go see a therapist bud

Answer 6

you HAVE to forgive yourself otherwise you are living in the past which is a dead area and can never move foward

Answer 7

GOOD LUCK