I was at Target the other day and this lady's kid was screaming for 20 minutes straight. She didn't say a word. It was so distracting I had to leave. Why don't parents discipline their kids when they scream in public? Do they not realize how obnoxious and rude that is? What's the deal? She just kept shopping as if nothing was happening. She should've taken him out to the car or told him to stop it!
2007-06-23 17:56:02 · 31 answers · asked by two_kee_kees 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
There is something to do about it... it's called leaving the store.
2007-06-23 18:01:35 · update #1
OMG! That is the most annoyingest thing EVER. I hate that. Sometimes I feel like telling the parent that if they arent going to diciplie there child I will.
2007-06-23 17:58:30 · answer #1 · answered by Wendie 6 · 10⤊ 4⤋
I think that some parents don't have a strategy that they know will work, so they kind of freeze up. When your own kid is screaming, you've heard that sound so much that it's easy to get sort of numb to it, and forget how incredibly annoying it is to others. My daughter's not old enough to tantrum like that, but she has made some brief yells while in public, and I realized that I hardly noticed them -- while I know before I had her, it would have really distracted me to hear it. Also, when your own kid is screaming it kind of does this weird thing to your mind ... as a mother, you can't really think straight. It's hard to explain.
All the same, I TOTALLY agree with you that if the parent can't hush the child and get it to behave civilly in public, it MUST be taken home. I think some parents just don't think it through ahead of time - they're stressed, and in their own little world, and just want to get the damned shopping done, and not deal with the yelling. They go a little crazy, shut down a little.
It's possible, but unlikely, that the kid was retarded or otherwise mentally impaired, too, and maybe there really is nothing she could do, and she has to take a screaming kid shopping or else go without essentials. What time of day was it? If it was an early weekday morning, I'd suspect that might be what is going on. I've seen people take mentally handicapped kids and teens shopping at off hours so that the shrieks / gibberish bother as few people as possible.
2007-06-24 01:37:29 · answer #2 · answered by zilmag 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, I can understand everyone's point of view...REALLY!! I have seen it, lived it, and counseled about it. One person said that it is actually a good form of discipline...yes it is..although passive, Ignoring is needed in some situations. I do NOT agree with the idea that these parents are poor parents or have poor parenting skills....maybe they do, however there are some kids that will try to do what they want/get what they want no matter what. Look at the kids who get 'beat' or doing something like smoking, drinking, etc., and continue to do so...even increase their activity! So even spanking doesn't work always. Our society is so very NOSEY now....Everyone is looking into other's 'windows' so to speak, to make sure that they are 'parenting' right!! I only mean this as a general statement...'people in glass houses............'.
One question...what would have taken him out to the car have accomplished? I feel that the only thing that would have done, is make the parents get angry for wasting their time, maybe they were not able to purchase what they needed; also the kid would have learned that if I am someplace I don't want to be...all I have to do is throw a temper and we can leave. I completely agree with the parents you are talking about...as long as the child wasn't hurting himself or someone else...let him scream! It shows the child that mom and dad are not going to give in just because he/she has a fit in public.
I commend those parents and others who have the same situation for having the patience to teach this to their child, and not resort to spanking of sorts.
2007-06-24 01:41:55 · answer #3 · answered by Momma P 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Because someone is parent to a child does not mean they will have all the tools to be one.
I am middle aged and a father of three small children. Kids are loud! I have been teaching my kids that their is a time and a place for some behaviors. If kids are out of control, it's likely the parents are too!!!!.
We are all a product of our parents. Witch is why some of us teach our childen and others don't. Childen are not bad, the parent was not trained as a child. So who's going to train the parent???
Sincerely,
Parent in training
2007-06-24 04:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by anthman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a nanny, I have a slightly different take on the situation.... I think that everyone at Target realized how obnoxious the screaming child was, but children (and some adults) need to learn that the world does revolve around them. This is learned through experience~ so if a child exhibits a certain behavior, they are expecting a certain response/ result/ outcome (usually because the behavior has gained the desired response previously). To stop this from happening, a parent or caregiver must not respond to any of the child's negative behaviors. This may sound crazy but it is really basic psychology, and it is the only way to prevent an obnoxious kid from turning into an obnoxious teenager and an obnoxious adult.
I was actually in a Target store with two children I nannied for and the little boy was historical because I would not buy him a toy. We were almost done shopping and even though I really wanted to abandon our cart and walk out I knew that he would learn to take another approach to getting his way on future trips if I didn't give in. This was absolutely mortifying for myself, after all I didn't teach him to act this way, and I knew that there were people thinking the same thing you were thinking.
It took incredible patience and a few more embarrassing moments but the child did learn... that was not how to win over his nanny (sadly it still worked with his parents).
2007-06-24 01:44:24 · answer #5 · answered by luvn_nanny 1 · 1⤊ 5⤋
OK, opinions everywhere, and we don't even know how old the child is! 20 minutes is an eternity for a two year old, but not for a 7 year old.
The Australian Child and Youth Health website has some useful, well researched information that everyone with such strong opinions would benefit from a look at.
It asks us to look from the CHILD's point of view, and gives useful advice on avoiding tantrums, how to tell how serious it is, and how to teach the child to overcome their strong feelings while never making them feel abandonned.
Children are more often scared, stressed and uptight than naughty, and you need to guage which sort of tantrum the child is having.
For example, it says:
"It is never helpful to punish or hit a child to try to stop a tantrum".
Note the word 'never'.
However, for little shopping centre tantrums, it does suggest taking the child outside, and not giving in to their whims while respecting their needs.
Shad.
2007-06-24 02:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
i understand what you mean. i have 2 sons, now they are 9 and 7, but when they were younger they would do that. talk about embarrasing!
when they started that i took them out of the store. went home and taught them that they cannot do that where ever we go. now they do not do that, although at times they do have tendencies to get a little out of hand. but i know how to control them.
funny thing is, they don't do that with my husband or family members. they are picture perfect gentlemen. guess i'm the lucky one cause i get to see the wild side!
go figure!
2007-06-24 01:17:59 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Charmed One♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well Its to bad that no one else in society takes responsibility for other peoples kids to. People act like the parents are supposed to do everything. All you have to do is walk up to the kid and tell it to shut up or something and it will probably teach it something that the parent could never teach it. I'm glad this parent doesn't feel guilty about there kid screaming. Its the whole of society that needs to set examples on children and the more we move away from community based living the more we forget and blame the parent for there kids misbehaviour.
The truth is with kids a perfect stranger telling them to be quite will make them think twice. and with there parents they often could care less.
2007-06-24 01:11:02 · answer #8 · answered by spinzaar 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I agree with you! I call it poor parenting skills, and lack of consideration for others, along with being rude, selfish, and can you imagine what life is like in their home, behind closed doors? I had this happen at a movie theater, during the movie! So many people were yelling out, "shut that kid up" and "take him home", yet she wouldn't leave and no one in authority was making her take control, we left and told the management we would not ever be back, it was a waste of 20bucks, and ruined our night out.
2007-06-24 01:08:28 · answer #9 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
I am with you. My kids are not screamers because they know how much trouble they will be in. It seems to be getting worse at the shops. Everywhere you turn kids are crying, screaming and yelling and nothing is being done. i was developing som pics the other day and a kid was screaming over and over for 20 min. "I WANT IT". I left or i was going to tell the child what I WANT. And that could have got me in trouble.
2007-06-24 01:06:48 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 6⤊ 3⤋
Today you get in trouble for publicly spanking or disiplining your child. People cry "FOUL" and turn you in for child abuse. If you had that facing you, would you disipline in public? Even if it is in the parkinglot, we've all seen the Breaking News stories of parents "harming"children caught on the parking lot cameras. You are not free today to do what is needed to keep children in line.
PS
I do not in anyway want someone to interpret this as beatings are good. But every once in a while it's ok to smack them on the behind and tell them to behave.
2007-06-24 01:05:01 · answer #11 · answered by ayla_2114 3 · 12⤊ 1⤋