Soon to be Army Wife - Should I get Pregnant?

Question

My fiance and I are getting married this month. He's been telling me how happy it will make him if we have a baby together. I know it's important to him and I want to make him happy and proud to know he's gonna be a father but I'm a little nervous about the decision. I'm turning 19 this July and I haven't even started school yet. That's the only thing holding me back because I feel that life will be a lot easier after I finish nursing school. But at the same time, I don't want him to lose hope in his dreams. Family is important to him. Next year, he will be stationed somewhere in the US so he will be able to be with me if I do get pregnant. I know it'll make him very happy. Should I or should I not. My relatives tell me the smart decision would be to not, but I do want a little family of my own one day. Just don't know if this is the right time? Being in the military is hard, will having his baby make his life and job more worthwhile to know we're waiting for him?

Answer 1

19 years old?
WAIT on the baby.
finish school then think about it.
lose hope in his dreams? what about your's?
sounds more like he wants to get you knocked up before he leaves, so you'll be pregnant while he's gone.
Like insurance that you won't cheat.
wrong reason to have a child.

if you don't know if it is the right time, then it isn't.

Answer 2

I waited till i was 25 to get pregnant and it was the best decision I ever made. I am a lot more mature than I was at 19, and I know the ropes about being an Army wife better. It takes a while to figure out the Army system. It is much more simple to go to school without having to worry about your child and whos going to take care of it when your at school or if you need to study, and if that isn't difficult enough what happens when and if your husband gets deployed. Then it's just you and your child. Now no amount of anyone telling you their opinion can really compensate for real life experience, and speaking from experience I would wait. You need time to be a couple first, get used to each other, and get used to Army life as a spouse. I wish you luck, and congrats on gettin married. I wish you both nothing but the best.

Answer 3

I appologize to all up front for a very long answer.

Being a parent is the best. There is nothing else like it and I wish you all the luck. I would also caution you that having a child so early can be a big hardship in the military. There are many things that the two of you need to work out before you should commit to bringing in a new life into your home.

If you and your husband are just starting his military career he will not be making a lot of money if he is enlisting. And military housing is not always available on every post. Enlisted BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing) most likely will not cover all your rental expenses if you have to live off post. With a child you should be eligible for food stamps and this could be a source of embarrassment for your soon-to-be-husband.

Whether or not the two of you decide you will be a stay at home Mom, there will be issues that come up and take him from his job. Hopefully he will have a command that understands family means something (I've been in units where the commanders are single & have no clue about having a family). When your husband-to-be is pulled away from work it will cause stress on many levels. The lower his rank the harder it will be for him to get away and the more people he will have looking over his shoulder.

If he should deploy which is pretty likely, you will be left to raise your child(ren) by yourself. He will get extra money but you might have extra expenses that you didn’t before his leaving. You will also not have him there to allow you to have your alone time (time where he watches the kid(s) and you get to recharge doing what you want) and you won’t have him there to help with the chores around the house (this is what my wife complains about the most (just kidding))

On another note, you need to look at the possibility that it may not work out for the two of you. I hate to talk about this sort of thing but you need to look at the possible hardships you may face should something happen. If you have your child(ren) before you complete your Nursing Degree and you two separate, you will not have much of an education to help you get a good job. You will have to work, go to school and raise your child(ren). And in the process you will miss out on your child(ren) growing up and your child(ren) will miss out on you.

I would highly suggest that you get your degree. You wait until your husband make Sergeant (E-5) before having children (although as a Sergeant your husband will probably have 3 to 6 grown children he will be caring for at work-his squad/section). And few more years of maturity will always be of help.

I wish you and your fiancé the best of luck and that you have the happy family that everyone deserves.

Answer 4

Noone can make this choice for you.

Know that these will be feelings everytime he leaves and everytime he comes back (just about everyone I know has a TDY baby, meaning they got pregnant right after their spouse returned. Our 1st dd is a TDY baby.)

I had kids early (22 and again at 25.) It is SO much harder to go to college after kids. BUT I wouldn't never change the way I did things. I love my kids more than anything and can't imagine life without them. Of course I was not wanting to go to school when we had them (I was active duty with the first.) I am 28 now and working on my degree, but it is taking a long time.

My husband and I both wanted kids right then. To be honest though, we would like a 3rd but are waiting until I'm done with school and have a good job. We may get too old by the time that happens though, so I don't know.

My cousin and his wife waited until they were in their late 30's to have kids. They both had degree's and good jobs, very nice house, could afford anything they wanted for their babies. But now they'll be like 60 when their youngest moves out where I will be 43.

It's a tough call only you and your soon to be husband can answer.

Answer 5

I would wait to have a baby until you have finished college. I have been an army wife for 7 yrs. i was 18 when he enlisted and we got pregnant not too long after that. I was 19 when i had her. I hadnt even started college yet. I went to college when she was getting ready to turn 1 that was hard. Right before she turned 2 he got sent to Iraq and didn't return until she was 3. Raising a baby working and going to college was hard especially when you are concerned about your husbands life 24 hrs a day. I'm now almost 26 have added 2 more little girls to the family who are 1 and 2 and i am due with a little boy in september and i have yet to finish my degree. Added to the fact that hes preparing for a 2nd deployment to iraq with in the next 6 months. I wish i could have finished my degree before i had my kids. My husband was like yours he wanted a baby more than anything in this world. I should have gotten through college and then focused on the baby making.

Answer 6

Like a lot of people here, I got to agree with them, WAIT. You are 18, still young and asuming that he is still young too, if he is a real man, he knows that all will come in time, and that hopes and dreams won't be lost if you wait a while. School is important, and if that is something you really want to do, he should respect that. Some here said that him getting you knocked up, might be a sign of him wanting reassurance that you won't cheat. Trust is one of the most important things in a marriage. If you cannot trust eachother, your marriage won't work. And yes, the first year will be hard year in marriage. A lot changes, and all of a sudden you live with someone that you love, you share everything, you decide everything together (I hope your fiance does that with you) - which comes to deciding on when to start for a child. Has he even listened to what your dreams are and that you want to wait for a while? Don't get pregnant because he wants, too, so just to please him. That won't make the time of becoming a mother, less enjoyable, because it pleased him, but it did not please you, because you had plans to go to school.
There is tons and tons of time left for you guys to become parents. Assuming he is a young soldier, it is also very smart to wait until he climbed up unto the ladder a bit more. Pay and BAH will be higher, and you guys might be able to get by a little bit better. I have seen many young families, where the soldier was a PVT, PV2, PFC and even a SPC had kids young and right after the wedding, that struggled. Now anyone can struggle, but give yourself some time to get used to being married, enjoy eachother, enjoy doing stuff together. And you want to share the birth of your first one together and with him deploying, he might not even experience that.

A friend of mine got married at age 18, and when she got pregnant with her first, her husband got deployed to Iraq, when she was quite far into the pregnancy. He did not get to be there when she was born, he did not see her crawl for the first time, say her first word, or take her first steps. If your fiance really wants a baby, he would like to experience the milestones in your child's life, and with the Army Soldiers being extended longer than 15 months now, he might not even get too. Discuss that with him. Does he really want to miss out on that?

I have been an Army Wife for 2.5 years now, and I am 26. My husband and I waited at least a year, before trying for a child. And I can tell you that that has been the best decision every. Within that year he went to ARC (Recruiting School) and we PCSed to the Civilian Area where he is Recruiting at right now. We moved within the area two more times, before settling where we are now (from which we'll move again in a year - lolz). If I were to be highly pregnant back then, I would have not been able to help my husband out as much with the move (we did a DITY move) as I did then. And with us moving, gosh, that would've brought a lot of stress on us.
We started trying for a baby in January 2006, and unfortunately we haven't received the joyous news of becoming parents yet, but it will happen in time. In the meantime, my husband and I are enjoying the fact that we can enjoy eachother, and do stuff together, that we wouldn't been able to do with a baby in our lil' family.

Good luck! Let us know how it went,....and CONGRATS on getting married! Welcome to the Army Family! ~ HOOAH! If you have any questions about the Army Family Life, feel free to email me, I am an Army Certified Army Family Team Building Instructor, and an FRG Leader. (Family Readiness Group).

Answer 7

if you have plans on going to nursing school and then a career or income as a nurse, waiting may be best for your whole family. school is hard in itself, 2-4 yrs. who will watch your child while your in school and then when you work. how much time during those impressionable, growing years will you really have between studying, classes, (and will you have to work while going to school)? and if your fiance is going to be in the military, army? he is going to be deployed, no question about it, unless his mos is drill sgt, or cadre (instructor) while knowing he has a family, wife and child waiting for him, he will also have another person to worry about, getting home safe and sound to. while he is gone, which could be up to 15 months, you will face this alone unless your family is close by...thats a lot to consider and think about. if a deployment is a certainty, maybe you should both experience that first. marriage has a lot in store for you both. a child can come in a yr or 2. let your love grow and stregthen as a married couple and experience that relationship and all its dynamics first. there is so much a couple will learn together the first couple years of that stage in your life that will only benefit you and make you stronger parents in the future. i dont think you can 'plan' for having kids, there is no perfect time, but there is a time when you know the growth of your union is the right time. theres a lot to consider and not knowing more of your relationship, how long have you been together, do you share responsibilities now, such as paying bills, and household duties, have you had enough time together as a couple etc etc etc. a child takes up a lot of your time, there is no more me time, it is now about that child, so if there are things you want to do, places you want to go, get it out of your system now...do you have family nearby for support, like i said, theres a lot to think about, give yourself a break and some time and wait would be my advice, your only 19, you have the world ahead of you. as a mother of a soldier for 6 yrs, and both my kids grown(25,26 and both single), i would suggest this to them, take a parenting course when you think your ready to become a parent. community education or a nearby, local college or university sometimes offer them, but the psychology in child rearing can be an enormous tool in raising your son or daughter. i dont know why i answered this, thought it might help i guess.

Answer 8

It does not sound like you are quite ready yet. Finish school & then have a baby. Do not get pregnant to make someone "happy" - babies are hard work & can make school impossible. You plan for your husband to be stateside for a year but unless he has just come home from Iraq there are no guarantees. 12 months home is guaranteed after return from deployment & no more. Military wives sacrifice a lot of time with husbands, they plan Mom & Dad both for long perods of time. He will not be happier or safer with a baby & family life will be better when you are ready too.

Answer 9

Do not bring a child into this world just to make him happy. If he loves you he will understand and wait until you're ready. However, it sounds to me as though you're considering getting pregnant b/c you're afraid you'll lose him if you chose to wait. It should'nt be a decision that you make on your own. As your future spouse you both need to sit down and make a life plan BEFORE getting married.
And for the last question in your paragraph I must say that I'm very sick of statements of that nature. Thats saying that soldiers with no children are less important than those with children. Just b/c you're marring a soldier doesn't mean you have to jump headfirst into the sterotype we fight each day of being uneducated baby factories.

Answer 10

Not too be Mr Negative but there are alot of young divorced soldiers in the military so I would recommend waiting on the baby. At least for a few years so that your marriage can get it's feet wet. Plus your very young and school is hard enough when you are not married with a baby.

Answer 11

NO! Finish school! I'm a firm believer in waiting a couple of years after you first get married to even CONSIDER having a child. Some people have no idea how life-changing marriage is, but when you add a child to the equation too early, you're asking for trouble.