and the wedding gifts was taken to the shower. The shower was the time to have a good time with her friends. Sometimes a 2nd shower was held with family invited. There wasnt a bachelorette party as that was the same thing as the shower with her friends. Those who did not attend either shower usually brought a gift to the wedding/reception. Nowadays it seems brides want a shower and a bachelorette party and expect gifts at both of them along with a gift to be given at the wedding. So there are 2 or 3 gifts expected and most people invited seem to agree with this. I know societal norms change with each generation and if it was an extravagant wedding and reception with sit down meal being served I would probably bring a 2nd gift to the wedding. As for "regular" weddings I only give the one gift as that is what was done in my time. I am 44 and definitely not a "fuddy duddy", but I think it is just selfishness to expect so much. Am I in the minority on this? Please no rude answers
2007-06-23 11:45:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First of all I'm sorry for generalizing as I know not all brides are this way.
Second, I dont mind at all giving more than one gift as usually the gift I give at the shower is lingerie and I would then buy a gift off the registry for a wedding.
What I mean in my question is just that it seems to be the norm these days and I guess I'm just curious. Do brides really expect this or do they consider it to be very generous to receive more than one gift.
2007-06-23 12:13:16 · update #1
I am NOT expecting any bridal shower, or wedding gifts.
Their presence or good wishes for my wedding day are the best present for me.
2007-06-23 18:58:08 · answer #1 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I agree with you. I, think it is excessive to have both a bachelorette party and shower, much less expect gifts at both. What I have seen is that the bachelorette/shower gift is some type of lingerie or "wedding-night wear", whereas the wedding gift was something more expensive, that both of the couple could use. If there is a bachelorette party and shower, then there is no gift given at the bachelorette party. I find this acceptable, but a different large present at each shower/party/reception is too much.
2007-06-23 18:51:04 · answer #2 · answered by julz 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I must be out of the loop. I didn't realize that people were giving separate gifts for the shower and wedding. And I didn't know you gave a gift at all for the bachelorette party. (Or, actually, I thought the party WAS the gift.)
My thinking is, if you want to give a gift, and you weren't able to attend or weren't invited to the shower, then you took a gift to the wedding instead. Maybe I'm hopelessly out of date!
2007-06-23 23:15:12 · answer #3 · answered by Ara57 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you and I'm 28 and a bride to be. These days some girls make their wedding a burden on their friends and with all of us paying bills we know how difficult it it is to stay in our budgets. I have had friends that have invited me to their shower and bachelorette parties and weddings. I usually go to 2 of them. For showers I take a smaller personal gift like bath and body stuff, candles, and (if i"m close to the bride) lingerie. I take a house gift for their wedding.
2007-06-23 19:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by Shelley S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm 33, but my friends just started getting married in the past year or two. My female friends have a wedding shower where friends bring small gifts for the bride only (nice lingerie, candle, bath and body stuff, maybe small earrings, etc). We brought gag gifts to the bachelorette party (kamasutra books,small sex toys, etc), and a real gift to the wedding
2007-06-23 19:36:53 · answer #5 · answered by jimbell 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can generalize...
I am getting married and I do not expect gifts for the shower, bachelorette and wedding. If someone brought a gift to the shower, I would not expect one for the wedding, and if they did bring two, I hope that they bought two smaller things. Bachelorette party gifts are stupid.
2007-06-23 18:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by . 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. I have noticed that some expect to make their "wedding a windfall", as I call it. Personally, it depends on how close I am to the bride/groom. If it's a close family member or friend, I will purchase something for the shower and give cash envelope for the actual wedding. Otherwise, I don't attend the shower and just give a cash envelope at the wedding.
2007-06-23 18:52:48 · answer #7 · answered by Missy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is my suggestion to you- instead of buying 1 expensive gift - buy 3 small gifts instead- so if you were going to spend 75 dollars on a nice dish set- spend 25 on a nice bath towel set for the shower, 25 on some alcohol for the bachelorette party and 25 on some nice picture frames. that way you arent out more money than you planned and you dont have to worry about people talking about you. besides- if the shoe was on the other foot- what would your expectations be?hope this helps- good luck.
2007-06-23 18:51:38 · answer #8 · answered by my1k1mi 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
From what my mom told me, she had multiple showers when she got married (one from mom's family andfriends, one from dad's family and friends). No bachelorette parties in 1955. She got gifts from most people for both shower and wedding. That was over 50 years ago, so IMHO "the more things change, the more they stay the same"
2007-06-23 21:21:18 · answer #9 · answered by Leah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right. I always saw the same thing.
Until I retired, if I was invited to a shower or two and the ceremony, I might give a little money at each, or a small gift. Toasters or towels. etc.
Now, I am retired, and couldn't afford multiple gifts. I think brides expect too much.
2007-06-23 19:16:13 · answer #10 · answered by kiwi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋