My brother is coming home. What should I do?

Question

I am 15 and my brother (22) is coming home from California after living there for about two or three years. He has put us (my sisters and I) through loads of hell, yet my father is still welcoming him back with open arms, even sending him money so he can come back. My brother lost his job, his apartment, everything, and is coming to stay at our house indefinitely. My dad is willing to put me out of MY room to put him in there, in MY bed. We have an extra bed in the basement, but no, nothing is too good for my brother. Not one of us (me and my sisters) want him to come home, because that would only create more problems for us, but it looks like it will happen anyway. I don't want to give up my bed, because I don't want him to get comfortable, because he's not staying for good. Should I tell my father my brother is NOT getting my bed? My sister told me to lay off, but I don't want him taking my room. I have personal things in there! So should I tell him, or keep quiet? Please help!

Answer 1

I say don't keep quiet. Sit down with your dad and explain that both you and your brother would be more comfortable if he took the bed in the basement because you still need to get into your room to retrieve personal items, clothes, and to get changed. It'd be too awkward for him to have you coming into the room whenever you need something, and it's unreasonable to ask you to move out all your stuff ahead of time when it's so much simpler for him to just take the basement. Then finally let him know how you feel like you're being pushed aside by having your brother take your room and that your privacy is being invaded.
I don't know your dad well enough to know how he'd respond to this last thing, but the fact is that his bailing out your brother everytime he screws up is just going to prolong his behavior. Its nice that your dad wants to help his son in his time of need, but at the very least he should stick him in the basement just to send him the message that he'll help him out a little but not to the extent of pampering him when he goes broke. As I said, your dad might be the kind of person who would get angry at that, so you might play it by ear whether you should point that out to him. You might also think about saying that you've worked really hard to be self-sufficient and to be a good member of the family, whereas your brother hasn't, and therefore you deserve your own space more than he does.
Good luck. It's only 3 more years until you can get away from them.

Answer 2

Wow, this is really sad. One day you and your sister and brother are going to wish you were all best friends. It sounds like your brother went through some hard times in California and he needs his family.
If there is a bed in the basement your bro can make a nice little room down there. You should have a long, quiet, reasonable talk with your dad. Dont make accusations, dont call names, be reasonable. Try to help your father understand that that is YOUR room. You are comfortable there. You are established there. Remind your dad that there is a basement bed, in fact, you could even spend this weekend cleaning it up and making it nice for your brother. That will really speak volumes to your father.
Promise your dad that you will do everything in your power to be responsible and get along with your brother without losing self respect. And then stick to your promise.

Answer 3

Your brother left with grand illusions and is returning home a broken man . Your father feels his pain and you should be glad that he accepts him and helps him out in his hour of need. He would do the same for you or your sisters. Your brother may have been a jerk but hopefully he will have changed. Leave your stuff in the room and don't argue. Your dad has enough on his mind without you reminding him 24/7 of how hard his job as dad is, When your brother returns he will probably not want to put you out and opt for the basement. Clean it up and get it ready for him.

Answer 4

That really sucks. I would think that your dad would set him up in the basement. That way your brother could have privacy and a nice place to stay without disrupting you.

I can understand your dad wanting to help your brother - after all he is family, but it should not be done at the sacrifice of putting you out of your room.

Ask your dad if you could help fix the basement up for your brother. Try it anyway, it just may work.

Answer 5

i think you should tell your dad what you said in your question. "My dad is willing to put me out of MY room to put him in there, in MY bed. We have an extra bed in the basement, but no, nothing is too good for my brother. I don't want him taking my room. I have personal things in there!" that's what you should tell him. if that doesn't work, remove anything private and ask if one of your sisters would mind keeping it for a while or put it on the basement.
if i were you, i would take as much out of my room as i possibly could, so that my bro. wouldn't go through it.
i hope everything works out!
good luck

Answer 6

Think if you were in his case..! Since you are 15 you father still
can put the rules. He is doing good. You want yr brother in the streets and in danger? I agree with you to keep yr own room and you can say it, whether the answer be no. But must express what you feel even dad decides something different.
Your brother sure needs help. Maybbe you cannot understand the whole problem. But try to be more compassionate ....you are not free to commit mistakes in the years to come. Your are right, but it s up to your father.

Answer 7

Sit down & talk to your dad about making other sleeping arrangements for your brother comes back home. I don't think your sister or you should have to give up your bedrooms for your brother. Offer to help your dad fix up a nice bedroom in the basement for your brother. Telling your dad that your brother isn't going to get your bed, isn't a good idea. Express your thoughts & feelings to your dad & hopefully, your dad will make other arrangements. Good luck!!!

Answer 8

If you can talk to your father if it's okay that you won't move out of your room do it just try asking your dad. Since your brother will stay with you indefinitlely and you have to move out all of your stuffs. Try suggesting your dad if your brother can stay at the basement. If he won't agrees with you otherwise you better follow your dad before it might get to worse that you and your dad will have a fight because you wouldn't like to move out on your room. To avoid any misunderstanding just for the sake of your dad or any one of the family better follow your dad. Ignore and stay away with your brother when he gets back so that you won't be caught into trouble with him.

Answer 9

Speak your mind. Ask your father why doesn't set the example since he's older and give your brother his bed?

Answer 10

Talk to your parents. They love him just like they love you and your sisters. Maybe they hope they can help him get his life straightened back up so he can provide for himself. Just sit down and talk to them, be mature about it.