I've been invited to a wedding shower for a co-worker. My husband can be a bit jealous at times and does not want me to go to the party at all. He has agreed to let me attend the shower, but asked that I not go out to any bars with the ladies after the shower. He has also asked that I not drink at this shower which is not a problem because I don't care to drink. There will be drinking there and after the shower is a bachelorette party at a local bar. I know that I will get pressure from the women at the shower to go with them to the bar. How can I leave after the shower without offending the bride to be and without making my husband seem like a controlling jerk?
Yes, I know there is a problem with my husband not trusting me, but I need to respect his wishes since he has allowed me the time to go to at least the shower.
2007-06-23 08:56:44 · 13 answers · asked by shybusch 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
vjaxxon, unfortunately the women are not Christian women. That's what makes this so complicated. I'm already viewed somewhat as different because of my Christian beliefs. It's hard to explain the way I believe marriage should work and the way the world views it. My husband is a good man. He doesn't think a married women should be out at bars, which I believe also. Thanks for the support. I have to honor my husband. Besides, my husband and I will both be at the wedding next weekend and plan to stay late for the reception.
2007-06-23 09:21:09 · update #1
honesty is always best. just tell them that your husband wants you to come home after the shower. (btw, if these are Christian women, they will understand...)
but definitely work on his lack of trust, jealousy, and control issues. you are not a child (right?) and unless you have given him reason not to trust you, your relationship should be more mature. these issues will spell big problems for you in the future.
edit: see that is a wa-ay different scenario! i totally support your response to your husband's request. it is Godly and appropriate and you should not be ashamed or embarrassed to come right out and tell your friends exactly what the deal is! NEVER apologize for your Christian beliefs or feel ashamed of having biblical convictions! you go, girl! (but not to the bar...)
2007-06-23 09:14:34 · answer #1 · answered by chieko 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why not just make up a little white lie? I dont think it is a sin to do that just because the intent is not to hurt the hosts feelings. So the intent is good. Can you say that a cousin is coming over that you havent seen in a long time? or that you have to babysit for a neighbor? OR if you are firm enough, just simply say when they ask you to go on to the bar ' No I have to go home now'. period. I agree that the wedding showers, parties etc take on a huge life of their own and seem to be overdone. I respect your beliefs about bars and drinking and that you and your husband DO want to share in the wedding the next weekend. My thinking and hope is that, with time, you will be more free to attend events according to your judgement without sort of getting permission from your husband since sometimes too controlling of a spouse can develop into a larger problem. Im sure you two can work it out so that you both have the independence and freedom that fulfills two persons who choose to be married.
2007-06-23 10:33:56 · answer #2 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just tell them that your husband does not think it is correct for married women to be at bars alone. Let them know that you respect that because you love your husband.
He will not sound controlling and you will not sound as if you are controlled if you say it this way. Besides they might as well know how you and he feel because there may be other occasions when you will be asked to go to bars.
I worked with a woman whose husband really did not care for her to go out at all alone. She went with us at times though. We respected her and her husband and we never had lunch out at a place that was more bar than restaurant.
The woman you work with don't need to know about your husband's trust issue. That is between the two of you.
2007-06-23 09:54:22 · answer #3 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband doesn't trust you and that is unfortunate. But you are right and you should respect his wishes. If you don't really want to go out afterwards, then don't go. If they question you, just tell them you are just not into going to the bars and drinking. I am not a big drinker anymore, so I don't usually go out either. I have never had anyone give me a really hard time with it. Standup for what you believe is right for you!! Have fun!!
2007-06-23 09:08:10 · answer #4 · answered by Johanna B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people may look at him as a jerk-but if you have no problem with it and the two of you are happy then no one can say anything. As for the shower-if these people are your friends they will understand. Just tell them-I cannot go to thhe bar tonight, as I have plans with my husband
2007-06-23 10:47:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a talk with your husband and tell him he needs to stop being jealous and controlling.You should be able to go out and have fun with your friends and co-workers. No offense but seriously, that just is not right. I would not listen to him and I'd do what I want. Go out with them no matter what he says.
2007-06-23 09:11:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You have another commitment for 30 minutes after the shower is supposed to end. (or a reasonable time after it begins - say if it begins at 2pm, you have to be somewhere at 6pm) OR You were invited to another event for later that evening. (Use the "everything happens at the same time" story - because it's usually true!!)
Nobody needs to know details - it's not their business.
2007-06-23 10:53:18 · answer #7 · answered by zippythejessi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Make something up. You have to get home to make dinner, or that your hubby is making dinner for you. You're tired. You need to wake up early the next day. Whatever, and then just smile, congratulate the bride, wish her the best, and make a hasty exit so they can't plead with you to stay.
2007-06-23 10:06:06 · answer #8 · answered by chefgrille 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ignore approximately those people - this infant belongs on your loved ones too. you may desire to decide for a on an identical time as yet say which you would be able to return your boyfriend's niece by potential of a undeniable time to her mom.
2016-11-07 07:30:04 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why this is such a big deal. Just say you can't go. If anyone asks why, say you have plans and leave it at that. No one is going to force you to give an explanation.
2007-06-23 09:15:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋