My father takes his anger on me?

Question

My father had a really bad childhood. My grandparents were very abusive towards him, physically and emotionally. His childhood was so bad that even today, his mother has such a huge control over his life. Over the past 14 years, I have gone thru hell living with my dad. Its almost like he has created me into this robot. I say robot bc they have no brain or heart. He always wanted things his way, I could say a thing, think for myself, do for myself. Nothing. I have no friends/boyfriend, and never allowed to go out or do anything. I've always felt that my father never loved me, he was never home anyways. He never took us anywhere.All he ever did was work and pay bills, and he always whined about doing that also. He once threatend to disown me and kick me out 4ever @ 16. He's scared me so much in life that ive lost self esteem. Should I move out and not talk to him again. Am i doing something wrong? Am i a bad kid?

he hasn't got physical yet.

My father has told me many times that he doesnt apologize for the way that he has treated me and will continue to be this way. And he has also told me that he will refuse to change, and that if i had a problem with it then i have to deal with it or move out. He has told me this over 3 times within my lifetime. And my mother he has tortured for 25 yrs and he also does the same thing to her, but he has also done much worse things to her. Things that I cant even tell in details bc it would only make me cry.

Answer 1

No you aren't a bad kid. Unfortunately you are just as much a victim of your grandparents abuse as your father is. You cannot fix your dad however, you can only fix yourself. If you are 14, you are too young for a b/f. Your dad doesn't have the skills to cope with life or parent, but yet he has to do both. I would do your best to see things through until you can support yourself and get out. If you can hold on until you are 18, and have planned for college, go away to school someplace. If he isn't going to help you with college then get into a program in high school that pays for jr college if you get certain grades, most places have a plan like that. Start working as soon as you legal can so that you have a good employment record and can get better jobs to support yourself. The key here is an education to make yourself self sufficient. I don't know where your mom is in all this, but its possible that she will support you in this. If not, you are not the first kid to have to go it on their own. Be strong and determined and you will make it. I did.

Answer 2

Are you old enough to move out? If so, you must have a plan. Do you have a job? If not ,get one and start saving money. Open a bank account with direct deposit.(so he can't get to your money) Once you have enough for at least three months or more, for rent, bills and food. Then move out and live on your own. You can do this! Always remember that you can do anything you want in life,if you are willing to work hard for it. Do not define yourself by your father. You are your own person. If you are of age and can't wait long enough to save the money to leave, then I would tell you to look at joining the military as a way out. Want to rebuild your self esteem the Marines will do that and teach you that there is nothing you can't achieve. The female recruits are trained by female drill instructors, not males. As the Army, Navy and Air Force do. They will make you self reliant and a stronger person. And by the way, you are not a bad kid. Your dad is just a bad father. Remember your up bringing, mainly so you don't repeat the same mistakes he made with your kids. Be a better parent, then he is, Which ever course you choose. I wish you good luck and Gods speed

Answer 3

If you are old enough to move out you should move out and give him time, after a while try to talk to him about the problems you had with him, if he doesnt wanna talk, write him a letter and make him read it, ask him why has he been like that. Tell him that he went threw the same thing that he should know how it feels to be treated like that. He might be like that because he is scared to show any feelings, because he might think that you are gonna make fun of him or be mean, i am sure that something like that happen to him when he was a kid thats why he is like that, let him know you love him no matter what.

Answer 4

Is your Mother living with you? Is she controlled by him too? I don't think you should make any rash choices about moving out unless you have regular money and a safe place to go...if you are at school, are there any teachers you could confide in at all? They will not tell your Dad if you do not want them to...being so unhappy is only a temporary thing, it will not last, you are at the start of your life and things will get better.
You need to get out of the house...can you get another relative to talk to him about your joining in with extra curricular activities?
You are not bad...you sound very sympathetic to you Dad about his childhood...but he is the adult and his experiences should not ruin your life.
Try to make an appointment with a teacher or doctor to talk about this.
Good luck and be nice to yourself...its not your fault

Answer 5

No, honey, you're not a bad kid, and you're not doing anything wrong, you're father is just raising you the way his parents raised him, I'm sure he loves you, he just doesn't know how to show it because his parents never showed HIM, honey, if I were you, and you were old enough, move out, that's just horrible, or go stay with your mother's parents, do whatever you can to get out of there, or atleast go to counsiling, so he can hear you out, and hear how badly you feel about the way he's treating you, and is he abuses you honey, then contact childcare services, (it you're under 18) Best of luck, -Cassandra

Answer 6

I really thinks your dad loves you, but does not know how to show it because his parents never showed it to him and showing ti would be a sign of weakness. Your dad needs help and needs to talk to someone on what has happened to him in the pass with his parents. Moving out will only leave him depress and alone as he already feels that way inside. Talk to him and tell him that you will go with him to get help which in both cases you both need it. Maybe if you tell him and show him that you love him it may ease any pain that he may feel and help him deal with his issues. Also tell him how you feel and how he treats you hurts you and makes you feel that having you there is worth nothing and you feel that way every time you want to talk to him. If he feels that he does not need help then you may have to move out to help yourself and how you can hopefully deal with situations that comes along in your life. You need to try to help yourself first before you can help him try to find a group in your city for you to talk to someone and that may be a way for you to get him to help himself.

Answer 7

i'm only approximately interior an analogous undertaking yet my dad does not inquire from me to try this plenty...umm properly i cant relatively do any element cuz my dad is rather strict yet umm what helps me is save a mag i be responsive to kinda Corney yet rather its like chatting with some one and additionally you permit all ur emotions out it consistently make me experience greater useful different then that i'm sorry i cant relatively help only be responsive to that there are human beings in comparable circumstances..good success :)

Answer 8

Look for help. Do not say anything to your father, and to no one. Try to find a way to go to a Court, or to a Family Social Service, or to your teacher. Do not be affraid. Explain what it is happening to you, and tell them that you need help. They will give you counseling and may send you to a youth shelter. It will be better. Maybe not at first but later on you will be okay. Be prepare. Make plans. Pray to God. Pray is when you talk to God the things that you are going through.

Your father actitud will not change unless he gets help. But you can not do it. You need help yourself right now. The rest leave it to God. He will help you if you ask Him for His help. Just believe and it wil be done. Remember, do not let your father to know your plan. Be very careful in all your movements. God bless you and take care of you always, in the name of Jesus Christ. Give thanks to the Lord Father God for His angels to be taking care of you. Before God it is important that you forgive him for all what he has done to you and you will feel better. Your father acts in that way for the same reason, He needs to forgive, and ask God for forgiveness for him to be set free of all pains, sorrow, etc. He has doors open to satan. So, he needs spiritual help just by giving his life to Jesús, he will experiment a change in his life. But this is something else. Go for your help. God bless you.

Answer 9

Move out as soon as you can. Refuse to repeat this cycle that he has repeated. His issues are his own.

Answer 10

its awful that you dont even have any friends to turn to when he gets upset at you. no you are not to blame for your fathers behavior. do you have any other relative you can talk to or maybe move in with for the time being? you can always talk to me.