SHould I forgive my mom???

Question

From when I was 6 up until I was taken into the foster system at 16 my mother abused me emotionally, verbally, and physically. She traumatized me and left me with PTSD and severely stunted social skills. She ruined my life.
Now, three years later, i'm 19, I wrote a letter to her to see how she's doing, tell her how I'm doing, answer questions, etc.
Yesterday she called me and sounded like a completely different person. She just called and acted as if nothing happened, as if we had just talked the day before! She just rambled on about her day, whats on tv, etc. as if nothing happened. She wants to "forget the past" and says we "need" to get along.
I'm confused and taken aback. I've always resented her for years and convinced myself I hated her, but when she called, for some reason I was happy to hear from her.
I don't know how to react, what to do, how to feel. She wants to meet up but my boyfriend is very weary of her because he knows what she's put me through.
What should I do?

Answer 1

I can certainly understand your curiosity...I had that about my father for years and it drew me back in many times.

In the end I think I was attached more to the potential of a relationship rather than looking at the man he was and what he really had to offer ..right then and there...which was always somewhat murky.

I'd adivse you to take it very slow. You can go to your local mental health center and set it up to meet her with a therapist...that might keep you better on track, and safer.

Things could go either way...some people recover from addictions or mental health problems and get better and become viable family members. Some people just don't parent children, but can become a peer in later life.

Whatever happens, don't give her the place of "your mother" any time soon. Keep yourself safe on that one. If she's really different, those differences will last over time, and then you can move in with your heart a little more.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Always remember, forgiving does not mean forgetting. It is one of life's most difficult things to do when you've been scarred by someone's actions or words. You can forgive someone, but that does not give them free access to run over you. You would do well to be wary.
Yet forgiveness is a very empowering gift to yourself. When you put your hurt into that perspective, you are FREE... free to move on with your life, and not have the past dangling over your head.
Maybe your mother HAS grown. Maybe she HAS changed. And maybe not. Keep a friendly distance when reconnecting with her. It may take just as much time to build your trust up.
Put your needs first in this relationship. Good luck!

Answer 3

I am terribly sorry for all of the pain and suffering you have endured in your life. You seem like a strong person, since it takes alot of guts to even admit what happened to you. Still, eventhough your mother caused you so much pain, you wrote her a letter, and that is admirable. I admire you for at least attempting to contact her. Moreover, it is normal that your mother acts as if nothing has happened. she probably is too ashamed to admit what she did to you. speak to her about it, tell her how you feel. And if sh e doesn't apologise or attempt to rebuild her relationship with you after hearing what you have to say, then back off. Remember, no matter what happens at least you tried, even if she doesn't want to apologise, then at least you wont have the doubt.

good luck, All you can do is try. :)

Answer 4

In order for you to move on with your life, you need to forgive your mother. Give her a chance to maybe redeem herself, she has to live with all the things that she has put you through. If you make amends, I will guarantee that you will feel good about it, regardless of what the outcome of your meeting will be. You need to put the past behind, and move forward. Whether she will or will not be a part of your life from this point forward, that is competely up to her. You live your life to the fullest, and make the most out of what life has to offer you. Learn from your experiences, and you will become a better person.

Answer 5

sorry to hear you had a tough time it is down to you . you may be able to get along can you forgive and forget . what you need are answers from her and some understanding for your self ask her the reasons she acted that way towards you dont forget it was not your fault some people just f**k up with their lives and take it out on the ones they love if you are not comfortable with your mother ringing and acting like nothing happens suggest if you and her can go for councelling good luck with your future

Answer 6

this is what people like your mother do. they try and manipulate the people that they were able to do before. of course when you hear your mother's voice you felt happy because that's your mother and you only have one but the thing you need to realize is that people don't change. there habits will still be there. you have gotten so far in your life and became a better person because you succeeded in her tricks so why would you want to relapse? she'll always be your mother but you can't forgive her for what she's done. you deserve better

Answer 7

For you to form a lasting relationship both you and your mother need to face what has been done to you. She must accept responsibility for hurting you and you must accept that she was not capable of being a mom to you when you were younger. You cant get the years back you lost but you can have a future. The only way to form a healthy relationship is for both of you to be honest about your feelings.

Answer 8

Please examine what it was that you intended to happen when you contacted her. Did you expect her to own up to what she did and apologize? Did you expect her to be the mom you never had?

Your b/f is right on target, please listen to him. I don't believe she has changed at all because she is saying that she wasn't responsible for what she did to you, and wants to just forget it. How exactly does a mother "forget" torturing her child? Don't get involved with this woman, you are making a mistake.

Answer 9

well u shouldn't forgive her easily because of all the things she did if u really luv her then try slowly to forgive because she may either turn back into that evil person or she might remain a kind lady but just keep ur guard up if she tries any thing

Answer 10

Maybe there was something going on in your mom's life that you don't know about. If you want to see her I would, if you don't then don't. I wouldn't let my BF make that choice, you might regret that later. Your 19 she can't do anything to you now. Sorry, for what happened to you. Hope this helps.