Help! my 16yr old daughter got pulled over 2 nights ago...?

Question

she was staying w/her step sister at her step sisters mom's house and they snuck out and this is the 2nd time they did this. the police pulled them over. there were 3 unknown boys in the car and them and another girl. 1 of the boys was drinking and the boy that was driving got his license taken away for numerous charges etc.. i am very upset at the fact that the girls snuck out and were running the streets after 3am! like i said this happend while she was staying there for an over night visit. what sort of disipline should be applied on a situation like this? she wants to go to a bon fire party tonight with her boyfriend and i said no and she is ANGRY yes ANGRY at me because i old her no since she snuck out. she thinks that I am being unfair. i on the otherhand think that is fair to not let her go since she pulled that 2 days ago. i feel sorry for the boyfriend because he is NOT like this and he was not there w/them and those other boys. he feels like she cheated on him. what to do?

what type of punishment /grounding is appropriate that will have an effect on her that will make this change?

Answer 1

Ask her for #1 what was she doing with those boys if she has a boyfriend and if she has cheated on him. If she says she has cheated with these boys or any other boys tell her that she has to tell her boyfriend since he already suspects her of doing so. If i were you I would talk to her father and step-mother and let them know that while she is in their care they have to be more responsible and lay down some ground rules for both the girls. On your end you should let her stay away for a while and especially from her step-sister she may be the cause of her getting into trouble and sneaking out the house that time of morning. Peer-pressure is very tempting when your trying to be liked by your peers and your step-sister. Her sister might have convinced her that doing things that she has never tried is cool, and you as a mother has to instill values and responsibility since no one else is trying to help you. Make her understand that just because someone else is doing wrong does not mean she does not have to do the same. She has to be the bigger person and stand up for what she knows is wrong and walk away if they think she is a nerd then they in the long run have to suffer the consequences. Now for the boyfriend she has to some explaining to what she was doing in the car with boys and he was not there and what was the reason for her being where she did not belong. Again if she cheated on him she needs to tell him and be honest and let him decide if he wants to continue that relationship. If he leaves her it's her fault and she have to live with the decision he makes. If he is a good person he may want to work things out, but she has to know who her friends are and how to pick them and her step-sister is not one of them.

Answer 2

Don't be surprised that she's angry, she apparently has the impression that she can do what she wants with no consequences. She learned that from you. You said this is the 2nd time she's done this, you apprarently did nothing the first time. Your daughter is going to die in a drunk driving accident if you don't take care of this now.

Don't let her go to the bonfire tonight and absolutely no sleep overs anywhere. Ground her from everything but church (if you go) for a month, and tell her if her act doesn't straighten up by then, it will be the summer. Put her to work at home doing every task on your list. Don't back down, be as mean and strong as you have to. If your daughter had cancer, you would be fighting for her life, and frankly this is no different. You are literally fighting for her life, talk to your local traffic cops if you don't believe that. Ask them about passenger deaths in teenage drunk driving incidents.

It is not your business to get involved with her relationship with her b/f, and frankly your daughter is trouble and he would be better off with someone with some self respect.

I raised two daughters, age 24 now, and yes they pulled this sort of stuff, once. However they learned from their mistake, and now are healthy, happy and very much alive young women. I have more than a grave to put flowers on and a box full of memories because I was their parent and didn't consider "fair" anything but a diry word.

Please save your daughter, be her mom.

Answer 3

Try to be supportive instead of setting more rules. Something important to a teenage girl is her bond between her mother. You went through times like that, and at the same age. You cannot stop it, just make sure she's being responsible and smart. Sit her down, tell her you're going to let her go to the bon fire. Then tell her why. Tell her you trust her to be good and by be good you mean don't get into any car where someone driving was drinking, not doing drugs, and using protection if god forbid she should ever decide to have sex. After you tell her these things, when she gets back don't be mad if she comes in late or even if she's drunk!! Sounds crazy i know, but she'll test you this time. Ask her if she had fun, if she talks about it. Make yourself interested, jokingly ask if she was good. Leave it at that. Tell her you're ok with what she does but it scares you when you don't know where she is. If you need to be more free with her then do it, she's almost 18 it's time to loosen the slack for her and let her make some mistakes and live a little before she has no choice but to grow up. Again, if you don't she'll be doing them anyways, but you just won't know what or when or have a choice in the matter because she just won't tell you. This way if she says she's going to do something you can give her little hints as to what to look for and make her fun time as safe as possible. Hope this helps you.

Answer 4

Well I don't have children but if I did I'll tell her thats she under 18 so the law says if she gets into trouble you as a parent can be held responsiable. Second you are only trying to protect her...being out on the streets at 3am and who were they other boys? And what if someone had drugs in the car when they were stopped, she could have gotten into a lot of trouble.

Answer 5

The biggest thing i can say is don't give in to her. If you need to be tough then be tough but if you let your daughter win then you lose a certain amount of control over her. If she gets away with this then she will think she can get away with everything. If i were you then i would probably let her steam it off then go back and talk to her and explain what she did was wrong and that she could have been seriously hurt. Depending on the reaction you should be able to move on from there...

Good luck

Answer 6

A private school will not change anything, and you cant go against it too hard or she will start rebelling. Maybe just explain to her that it upsets you, it is not right for her age and tell her to think of the consequences! pregnancy, STD s, yer. Otherwise your could (as the above said) have an investigator keep tabs on her. Moving her into your room is probably a good idea until you sit her down and talk about this. But if you really want to go to extremes, you could have her bf locked up, for she is underage, and he is illegal.

Answer 7

Good Job Mom!!!! Stick to your guns!!!! It sounds like the problem could get out of hand VERY fast!! I think that you and her stepmom and everyone involved should have a talk about the behavior. There needs to be a united front and clear consequenses for those actions that will be enforced no matter where she's staying. It's going to be a long hard road and one that won't be fun, but please know that you're doing the right thing. Best of luck and let us know how it turns out!!!!

Answer 8

First no more sleep overs at the step sister. Too bad that she can't go to the bon fire, she needs to know that there are limits and that she showed very poor judgment. Besides all 16 yo kids hate the parents that insist on limits. they grow out of it.

Answer 9

Wow, sounds like your daughter is running around with the wrong crowd! You definately need to stick to your guns and cut the overnighters with step sis. Golden opportunities to fart around. You know now so if anything happens you will be the one to blame. You need to put your pants on, put your foot down and quit letting her tell you what to do! Second time? I don't think so. Honey, your baby has been pushing the envelope for years and be honest you're not mad at her, you're mad at you for not taking ahold of the reins years ago and afraid that you have totally lost control, right? I know this cuz your 16 yr old was mine 8 yrs ago and we are still suffering the consequences of her rebellion! Even now we still don't trust her. She robbed my family of years of joy because I didn't have the backbone to stand up to her and let her know who ruled the roost. Do not let your daughter begin to destroy her own life. It is your responsibility to prepare her for the future by teaching her discipline. My own girl now acknowledes her guilt and does not blame me for the many times I put my foot down. Remember that your girl does not need another friend she needs a mother to set boundaries and to remind her that it is because of your love her that you discipline her.

Answer 10

First of all I would bust her ****, take her car away, lock her in her room, and not let her go to that house anymore. And I for sure wouldn't let her go to any bon fire after the way she has been acting!