Hi, Im getting married in October and my only sister is my bridesmaid but im starting to feel guilty about not asking my fiance's only sister to be my other bridesmaid, am I being horrible and selfish by leaving her out or should I ask her, is it too late?? I really dont know what to do
2007-06-23 05:07:54 · 28 answers · asked by ✿Regina Felangie✿ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's generally considered gracious to ask one's fiance's siblings to stand up with you on your wedding day, but it's by no means required.
Do you want her as a bridesmaid? If you truly do, then why not ask her? If you truly don't, then don't. It's not horrible or selfish of you not to ask her.
If you don't want another bridesmaid, but would like to include her in the wedding, there are dozens of other things you could ask her to do. If you'd prefer she wasn't a part of the wedding, you needn't ask her to do anything.
How does your fiance feel about this? Is it important to him that his sister be involved? Will there be hurt feelings in the family if you don't ask her? If so, then find something for her to do...but it can be literally anything from lighting a candle to being a bridesmaid to doing a reading to helping tie bouquets.
Of course, if your fiance really wants her in the wedding, he could also ask her to stand up on his side. Nobody says the attendants must be the same sex as the person they're attending!
2007-06-23 05:25:54 · answer #1 · answered by gileswench 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being selfish. The day is not about your sister-in-law, it's about you and your groom. If you like your future sister-in-law, then ask her to be a bridesmaid. If not, that doesn't mean she can't be part of the wedding. I have been to plenty of weddings in which the sister-in-law of the bride was not in the wedding party, but the bride assigned something important for the new SIL to do, like doing a reading during the ceremony.
If you do ask her to be a bridesmaid, be very clear about what her responsiblities will be and what it might cost. It could be a way to get to know her better and start establishing a closer relationship.
I will admit, however, that I regret asking my husband's sisters to be bridesmaids. They were difficult and complained about paying for the essential costs of being a bridesmaid, which I made sure were the most affordable I could find for my girls. Having them as bridesmaids proved to me that they really don't care about me.
2007-06-23 17:16:09 · answer #2 · answered by Quiet Rebel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's customary to ask your groom's sister to be a bridesmaid. That doesn't mean you have to, but it is appreciated. You don't want to offend your new sister-in-law by leaving her out of the festivities. I say ask her. It's not too late for her to get a dress and take part in the showers. You don't need to mention why you're asking so late, though she may wonder about it. You could say that you weren't sure how many bridesmaids you were going to have, and now that you've settled on two, you can't think of anyone you'd like to have more as your bridesmaid than her.
2007-06-23 14:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by emmajane06 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your only attendant is your sister, then that is fine.
But . . . if having several bridesmaids, it is nice to include your fiance's sister among them.
Ask your fiance. See what he thinks about it. Would his sister be excited about being a bridesmaid? Or is she busy with career or children or her own life . . . likes you, but would prefer to not have the bridesmaid responsibilities? Maybe your fiance or future mother-in-law can tell you how she feels about it.
You could also opt to ask his sister to do a reading during the ceremony.
Good luck to you.
2007-06-23 12:22:24 · answer #4 · answered by Suz123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only ask her if you want to. My monster in law and the satan in law just EXPECTED for his sister to be in my wedding. She is not a nice person at all and has been very very negative about our entire relationship. I did not want her in my wedding and did not ask her. She assumed she was in it, even going as far as complaining to people about how she was sure I was going to pick out the most expensive dresses for the bridesmaids and cost her a fortune. Oh it was horrible. My now husband sat her down and told her that I have already picked my maids and that unfortunatly my friends have filled all of the spaces that we have. She was somewhat rude about it and he just explained to her that I chose my friends and people that were close to me, as he did with his groomsmen. (My brother was not one of his groomsmen and he could have cared less, he was actually relieved). So if you think it is gonna be a problem, have the hubby to be run the interferance. If it is not gonna be a problem, just do not say anything. But do not do it because you think you have to....because you do not! Like I said, your maids should be your friends, people that are the closest to you and there for you forever. Congrats!
2007-06-24 03:38:56 · answer #5 · answered by Lillianne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully, this girl will be in your life for the next 50 or so years. If she is an OK girl, and there is no big reason not to have her, if it wouldn't really hurt anything, why not? If she is a big troublemaker, then no.
It can't be assumed that she even wants to be a bridesmaid. If she does, and it seems like a workable thing, again, why not?
If you and she just don't like each other, then no, don't have her.
2007-06-23 12:45:37 · answer #6 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's not too late to ask, but before you do, make sure that you check first to see if a dress can be ordered for her in time. I think it would be very nice to ask his sister to be your bridesmaid and it would make her day.
2007-06-24 16:09:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an only sister and who was not asked to be a bridesmaid, let me tell you 23 years later there is still some hurt at not being included! At the last minute they asked me to do a reading during the ceremony and it felt like a dog being thrown a bone to keep him quiet.
ASK HER!
2007-06-23 12:40:34 · answer #8 · answered by Cory C 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Its your wedding! Its your day for you and your partner to have what you guys want. Does he want her as a bridesmaid? I would go with your own feelings here. She'll understand if she's a good sister in law to be!
Good luck and congratulations!
2007-06-23 12:13:38 · answer #9 · answered by |Chris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not too late to ask her. You might still have time to get a dress to match your sister's or find one similar in the same color. If you are incorporating more than one color into your wedding you could always have her dress in a different color. You should go ahead and ask her though cuz she is your family now.
2007-06-23 16:01:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋