Can u cheer me up?

Question

I'm so bored!!!! Tell me something funny, and the one that makes me laugh the most can have best answer...

Answer 1

I HAVE A BLOOD BLISTER ON MY PECKER..

Answer 2

I should be able to do it. I'm from laughing stock, I have more talent in my little finger than in the whole rest of my body and if I can't make you laugh, just humor me.

How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dyslexic?
(oops!)

A guy goes into the doctor and the doc say's "I have 2 pieces of bad news" The guy asks "What are they doc?" Doc say's: "Well, I'm afraid you have cancer" Guy asks "What's the other bad news" Doc says: "You've got Alzheimers." The guy says: "Oh well thank god it's not cancer"

On halloween I was the beach! and I had little tiny sunbathing people I made out of sculpey glued to my upper body and my legs were painted like water and people were swimming in them and I had a cod piece that was a beached sperm whale and it was held on by a boardwalk around my waist and on my shoulders I had a parking lot with cars and a head piece that looked like a sunny day with a life guard helicopter dangling from my head and it was the most ridiculous thing ever!!!

I've got more funny if you wanna look at my 360 blog I'll go straighten up for company right now.
I LOVE YOU!!! IF YOU PICK ME I'LL EAT A WHOLE JAR OF MAYONAISSE FOR YOU!!!!

Answer 3

Remember This At Christmas
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December.
Female reindeeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer EVERY one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen
had to be a girl.
We should have known...ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-*** man in a red suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Answer 4

i here's one for you. i know this couple that were having sex in a country lane and thay thought they were safe in a nice secluded spot. and they started doin there stuff when the boy friend looked up out of the back window of the car and saw someone coming towards the car on a horse. so th bf jumped into the front seat bollock naked and started the car to get away, when he looked into the rear view mirror th person on the horse was chasing th car. when they managed to get away (just about) they pulled over and got dressed and laughed bout all the way home.

Answer 5

Once der lived a couple .Dey used 2 fite with each otha & whenever dey fought dey used 2 skip talking 2 eachother. One day the husband wanted 2 getup early 4 his important meeting but az dey were not talking 2 eachotha & the husband wanted 2 ask his wife 2 wake him up early but how??The cleva hubby wrote a note "Wake me up at 6:00am" & kept it beside his wife so dat she cud read it.In the morn when he wokeup it was almost L8 & his wife was not beside him he was furious 4 his wife haz not waken him up but he found a note beside him "Get up,Get up!!".TIT 4 TAT!!

Answer 6

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have some hanky panky
Silly Jill
Forgot the pill
And now there's baby Franky

Answer 7

A bear and a rabbit were walking in the woods, when they stopped to use the bathroom. The bear asked the rabbit, "do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said "No". The bear picked him up and wiped his rear with him.

Answer 8

I have two, here goes:

You are so ugly, they filmed gorillas in the mist in your shower! (>.<)

Britney Spears and Justing timberlake were walking along he beach, Justin says, "Aww look at that dead birdie." Britney looks up to the sky, and says "where!!?"

Hope this helps!

Answer 9

heres somthing funny.

two days ago i caught my dad dressing up in my moms clothes!!

he paid me 500 bucks to keep quiet.

Answer 10

Teacher: *points to Johnny* OK Johnny, tell us your riddle!
Johnny: *gets up and stands in front of class* What starts with 'F' and ends with 'ck'?
Teacher: *gasps*
Nobody raises their hand.
Johnny: Firetruck!
______________________________________________________________
Q: Why are most hurricanes' names are girl names?
A: Because once they're mad, they take your cars, your houses....etc.
______________________________________________________________
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
______________________________________________

-A husband and wife were involved in an argument, both
of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.

"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband, "if you'll admit I'm right."

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.

"I'm wrong," she said.
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"
_________________________________________

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few
items. She headed for the express line where the clerk
was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check
me out?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her
up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."
________________________________________

There are three girls a blond, a brunette, and a red-head.They are walking through a forest.The Brunette says " Eagle" and she turns into an eagle and flys away. The Red-head says " Sparrow" and she flys away as a sparrow. The blond trips over the root of tree and says ''Oh poo".
_______________________________________________


A man is driving along a highway
and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver,
a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay,
the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the
side of the road
and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," !
he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."

The blonde says,
"Don't worry."

She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"


The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >> It says..
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >> (Are you sure?)
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >> (This is bad!)
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."






TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?

FRANK: Because of the sign..

TEACHER: What sign?

FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
______________________________...

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday ! you said it's H to O.
______________________________...


TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have to day that we didn't
have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

______________________________...


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________________________...


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
______________________________...

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry

tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his

father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
______________________________...


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________...
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as

your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, teache r, it's the same dog.
______________________________...

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on

talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

Answer 11

HEY did u ever hear of that movie "constipated"?


IT NEVER CAME OUT! lol!