She died during the month of February and within a month or so we were celebrating Mothers Day (I don't even know what month we celebrate mothers day). On that day, many years ago, I made a vow to never celebrate Mothers Day again or call anyone else MOM. I made this vow as an eleven year old child and I was making it to my mother because I did not want her to be jealous. Now that I am an adult and married. I have a sister who is a mom and I have my mother in law. I have not acknowledged this day with them and I still call my mother in law by her first name. She introduces me to everyones as her daughter. I am trying to get over this feeling I have but am I wrong for refusing to do this? They do not know my feelings towards this because I've never shared it with anyone except you, my fellow Yahoo friends.
2007-06-23 04:44:24 · 9 answers · asked by SmartyPants 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Bless your mother in law for having the common sense to understand. She could be making this a battle point and she's not. That's pretty wonderful, I hope you realize it.
As a child you thought you were honoring your mom and keeping her memory alive. That's ok, its hard to lose a parent as a child, and even harder to hold on to those memories when life around you moves on. But what you have done is stunted your emotional growth. Have you ever thought about what your mom would have wanted you to do? I can't believe she would have never wanted you to have a mothers love again in your life. We need our mothers, or our mother figures when the real one's fail us. It wasn't your fault that she died, and it wasn't her choice, it just happens. Some times it does. But your mother must have loved you and wanted you to be whole and happy. By closing this part of you, you have made sure you would never hurt so much again. We aren't meant to live that way. Life is for the living, and you have been given a second "mother" and another chance.
Get some counseling, you need to break through this wall you built around yourself, my guess is that you never really grieved her passing. Adults are uncomfortable with those kinds of feelings in kids and they tend to take the easy way out and ignore it, and perhaps the adults around you then, did just that.
Show your mother in law this posting. Tell her what is going on. If she is calling you daughter, and you are calling her by her first name, then she apparently has been quietly supporting and loving you all along. Thank her.
A mom is someone who nurtures, supports and unconditionally loves her child. That child doesn't have to come from her body. Mom's are wonderfully adaptive, and have arms big enough to hold all children. Real moms are the ones who love you when you cannot even love yourself.
Its not wrong to want to honor your mothers memory, but it is wrong to hide behind the fear of hurt. You sound like a nice person, and my guess is that your mother would have been proud of you, so honor her by opening your heart. Good luck.
2007-06-23 05:20:16 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to tell you I am in a similar situation. My mother passed away when I was 9 and I know how hard of a thing that is to go through, to lose your mother so young. I took a vow to never call anyone else mom as well. I don't call my mother in law "mom" I call her by her name as well. My mother in law was very understanding and has told me I can call her whatever I am comfortable with calling her. I'm sure your mother in law feels the same way.
I do however celebrate mothers day. I always get my mom something or write her a letter for this day. I don't think your mom would want you to stop celebrating the day. You should celebrate mothers, and your sister and mother in law should be no exception. You love them and by not celebrating it you are excluding yourself from celelbrating something wonderful.
You should take a new vow to celebrate the day and to remember the life and love your mother had for you. I think she would want it that way.
2007-06-23 04:52:59 · answer #2 · answered by Angelfaerie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly... thank you for trusting us with your precious feelings...I cannot say I understand how you feel because I am lucky enough to still have my mum..I can only imagine and that feels painful enough. As previous answers have said..I don't think your mum would be jealous as an adult maybe you can see that now..I would probably prefer to keep mum..Mom as you say for my mum since you do get just one mum and that is special. However I do think it will be good if you can get some healing over mothers day as I am wondering what happens if you one day become a mum... and your children would wish to celebrate you. I think I would light a little candle for my mum on mothers day... I do believe your mum is around you..watching over you...that bond can never be broken. I just thought maybe you could call your mother-in-law mum..the English way...and keep mom for your mom..... if you follow..... anyway your reasons for feeling the way you do are totally understandable whatever you decide to do... best wishes to you and a hug x
2007-06-23 05:11:20 · answer #3 · answered by mum 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dear, it must be painful to have such a loss in that tender age and it was only natural to think like the way u thought. but then everyone in this world has his or her share of sorrow and each of them has to sail through them. u are very fortunate that u have got a mother figure in your mom in law. may be, it is your mother's blessing.your mom, where ever is she, will be happy, when she wud see that the void in your life has filled.so pls, go ahead and resiprocate mom in law's feelings.this way u will honor ur mom's love also.
2007-06-23 05:01:04 · answer #4 · answered by bubbles 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this happens dear!!my own experience.my mom also pass when i was just 10 yrs.life really become too hard after that!!but i fought against it****i also took the responsibility of my younger brother.see friend that natural nobody in this damp universe can take the place of mother.but dear you are very lucky that you have got such mother-in-law,who love you as her daughter.best way is to share your feeling with her.you also feel good &she would feel happy that you shared your feeling with her.....
all the best*****
& have happy life*********
2007-06-23 05:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by cute_girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She doesnt want to replace your mother! shes just saying that she loves you like a daughter. you dont have to call her mom or anything just her first name is fine. your mom wont be jealous she loves you and wants you to be happy! dont let her memory shut out others in your life that love you like your mother in law. Sorry about your mom
2007-06-23 05:08:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
ok I dont have the comparable tale nor do I even have young toddlers. i grew to become into observed alongside with my twin to the main suitable mothers and fathers. we at the instant are forty seven years previous and that they died 5 years in the past. I had an undesirable abusive husband yet have been given divorced after she died and met somebody who's surprising that i'm engaged to now. I desire plenty that she grew to become into right here to fulfill him. i will completely comprehend the way having young toddlers could be so plenty extra satisfying which incorporate your mom around to confirm them strengthen and supply you suggestion and be happy with you. yet I do have faith she is with you in some way and finding down on you, at this very minute, as you examine this......and is asserting...solid job sweety
2016-10-18 11:24:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to do what you feel is best for you. But realize your mother will never feel jealous, she will feel blessed to know that you have a mother-in-law that is there for you.
2007-06-23 04:52:25 · answer #8 · answered by ofsoundmind 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
talk to them and explain why they"ll understand.believe me.
2007-06-23 04:53:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋