How do I tell my friend not to bring her kid to my wedding?

Question

My fiance and I have agreed not to invite kids, even if they are related to us by blood. My friend, however, brings her one-year old everywhere - even to the bathroom! Her kid has hit his head at least twice and has a cut lip from the time he fell down (she brought him to a college reunion - where he was the only kid present!)
My fiance has already suggested that we don't invite her and her husband if she keeps bringing her kid even if it's a "no children allowed" event (like the reunion).
I have hinted to her that her kid would be the only child there, and she thought that it was a complement or something!
>.<

Answer 1

I wish everyone could receive an etiquette book on their tenth birthday or an early time similar to that. Then they would know that unless a child's name is on the inner envelope of the invitation, he or she is NOT invited. In other words, on the inner envelope is written Mr and Mrs Smith. IF the child were invited you would write Miss Mary Smith or Master John Smith. I am afraid to get through to this type of ignorant person, you will have to take a 'step backwards' and start over. Call her and say ( making a big deal out of it) "I am so so sorry to have to tell you this since I get the idea you dont get it, but we are unable to invite your child to the wedding" period! ' Can I help you find a sitter?' ( Obviously she doesn't even know how to take care of the child if he has had that many injuries so a sitter might know better) If she at all protests and says that she never uses a sitter, then calmly say' Well then we shall miss you at the wedding, but I am sure you will understand that if you brought your child and my sister ( or other relatives) can not bring their children, it would be a huge problem and they would never speak to me again so thank you SO SO much for understanding. We will have a separate get together with you as soon as we return from our honeymoon. 'Then do not send an invitation. If she doesn't understand that then do you really want her as a friend??????I think the answer is no, so maybe your fiance has the right idea; although if you have already informed her of the date and place, would she crash it anyway? For a fuller effect, I wonder if your fiance called and said all the above, if she would listen more.?

Answer 2

I was going to make a suggestion, but I see Suz said exactly what I would have told you. Be nice, but blunt that no children are allowed. If she doesnt come, then that is her decision to make and if she gets angry then too bad for her, its your wedding and if you dont want kids there then there is nothing wrong with that. If she is a good friend she will accept this and try to find a sitter. Do she or her husband have family in the same town? If so ask something like "We really want you and your husband to come to the wedding and reception,but since it's adults only, is it possible one of your parents will watch your son for the night".

Answer 3

Hinting hasn't worked, so you will have to grit your teeth and tell her, nicely, that it is an adults only event. The only hinting should be, to ask if she has found a baby sitter *yet*.

She sounds like she is one of those that never leaves her kid with anyone, in which case she won't be attending, or her husband can stay home with the kid and she can come alone. That is what one of the bridesmaids did at the wedding I was in.

I don't agree that you have to find her a sitter or pay for it. That is what she signed up for when she had a kid.

Answer 4

Honesty is the best policy - you're going to have to come right out & say "no children are allowed at the wedding; I'm sorry if this presents a problem for you, because we really want you there, so please find a sitter for the wedding date." She is besotted by her baby - been there, done that!! - but she needs to understand some things he just can't participate in. The fact that she thought it was a compliment should tell you right there that she plans to bring him, whether you like it or not!!! I know she's thinking "surely she doesnt' mean MY baby! Everybody loves him!!" You are going to have to be blunt - as graciously as possible!!!!! Good luck - Congrats on the wedding & I hope it goes child-free & smoothly!!!!!!

Answer 5

Honey, you need to have some backbone. This woman CLEARLY does not take "hints".

I would hope that you addressed your invitation to her as 'Mr. and Mrs. So and So' rather than "Ms. So and So and family"....that should have been her first hint.

At this point you need to sit down with her and tell her NICELY BUT FIRMLY that you love her and her child, but that you do not want ANY children at your wedding and that if she cannot be separated from her child for one day then she should stay home with him.

Now, if she's REALLY a jerk and brings him anyway, ASSIGN someone you trust at the wedding (preferrably a man...uncle, brother, etc.) to meet her at the door and turn her away. That sounds harsh, but if she was told ahead of time and has so little regard for you that she disrespects your wedding day then it's on her head, not yours.

DO NOT under any circumstances leave this to chance. Sit down with her and TELL HER plainly, then assign someone who will be out front to turn her away if she shows up with the kid. That way you won't be bothered on your wedding day with such foolishness and you won't have to deal with her until after you get back from the honeymoon. At that point I would simply say "I did tell you no children would be allowed at the wedding" and if she wants to argue with you, maybe you should consider this 'friendship' over.

I know this sounds harsh, but you cannot expect her to NOT show up with the kid unless you take control. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and be a bridezilla, at least in this.

Happy wedding!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

First of all, the invitation should be addressed to her and her husband ONLY. There should be no mention of the child. That alone should be sufficient for anyone with reasonable sense to not bring an uninvited guest.

If you want a little more insurance, do what I did (I had a similar situation). Tell your friend that the wedding is strictly adults-only, for the simple fact that you have some friends/relatives with children who are absolute terrors in public, and it wouldn't be fair to tell them that they couldn't bring their children and have your friend show up with hers. The best part is, you aren't lying...she just doesn't know that you are talking about HER kid. Tell her that you are looking forward to spending time with HER at the wedding/reception, and that it will be so nice for her to have a night to herself that she can enjoy.

Best of luck and congratulations!!

Answer 7

I know this is probably difficult to say to a friend but you shouldn't hint on something if you really want it done. You should just come out and say I'm sorry but this is an adult only event and as much as I like you to bring your son I have to ask you to not bring him because my other family members will be very upset with us if they see your kid there. We have enough to deal with and don't want any unnecessary damily dramas right at the beginning of out new life together. SO PLZ MAKE SOME KINF OF AN ARRANGEMENT.

Answer 8

How close is your friendship and how upset would you be to damage this friendship. If you don't invite her it could ruin your friendship for life. But if she can't yield to your wishes for on day then really, what kind of friend is she? Can't you suggest a very good babysitter to her? Just flat out tell her there are no children invited and if she shows up with her baby the family and friends who had to leave their children at home will be very angry with you. Tell her if she can't abide by your wishes on such an important day you don't want her to come. Tell her she is being selfish.

Answer 9

Sit her down and gently tell her that absolutely no children are allowed at the wedding. Tell her you understand that she may feel hurt, but everyone else has agreed to make it adults only, and that if she can't abide by the rules, you are sorry but you can't include her on the guest list.

If you are REALLY close to her, you could offer to provide a sitter so that she can attend without her son.

You may lose her friendship over this....but as its YOUR day, I feel you have the right to make any rules you want to.
Good luck.

Answer 10

You need to tell her that this is an adult event and no children will be allowed. And if she choses to come with her kid still, then she will be asked to leave. Help her find a sitter, so she will know you are serious.