Why do people assume that lonely people are sad?

Question

I love quiet, calmness and solitude. I like to be isolated from people. It keeps me relaxed.
I'd feel lonelier in a group of people I'm incompatible with, then when I'm in the company of my own self.
I'm sick of stupid people treating me like a sad person, who needs help. I don't want their pity.
Why can't they realize I'm happy this way?

Answer 1

I think that most people have a "pack" mentality and really don't understand. Enjoy your solitude. I get it :)

Answer 2

I know what you mean...and ppl always think I am SO quiet and extremely reserved...but then if they see me with a close friend or a group of ppl I have some compatibility with....I'm like a whole other person.

look up some stuff on introverts....you will probably feel like they are talking about you

extroverts just cannot understand because they are the opposite--the get energy from being around any person --even idiots lol --intoverts feel all the energy being taken out of them when they are around ppl they find....hhhmmmmmm....well, you know...i don't want to put it in words

EDIT: by the way there is a difference between being alone and lonely! Being an introvert also doesn't mean you always like to be alone--you just are more picky about who you spend time with and you are able to be alone without feeling like a loser.

Answer 3

They just don't want to feel sorry when you finally decide to snap and start mowing down pedestrians with your car.
They've seen one to many 20/20 reports where the guys friends all say "if only we'd reached out"
I know I don't want to turn on TV and watch a story about the Last Mohican going all Crazy Horse on his reservation and shooting an arrow into Sitting Bull.
My version of heaven on Earth involves me, a TV, an X-Box, a computer, and a bunch of books and nobody else; but that my friend is what the psychiatry field says is not normal.
Try to be empathetic towards these people, I think they're trying to help but are misguided, I usually joke about my hermitous nature to the point that they just give up.

Answer 4

"Why can't they realize I'm happy this way? "

It comes from a weak "theory of mind"
People, especially if they have their views reinforced by being in the majority, tend to think what applies to them, works for them, generalises out to a truth for everyone.

It's the flaw in "Do unto others..."

Those with minority views, or approaches to emotions or the social world learn quickly that there are other views out there.
They have their noses rubbed in it.

Those in the majority may wake up to difference and diversity, or they may resort to simply treating the different as "wrong" or in need of help to be more "normal".

I recharge by being solitary: being in a group can be enjoyable but it tires me out.
I know many others go to a party to unwind, relax and recharge. I might go, but not with those aims!
A good book is much more effective.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with being alone or having alone time.
You, however, chose the word "lonely". That has a connotation of sadness and withdrawal - not by choice.
You can chose any way to live, just pick the correct adjective.

Answer 6

I feel the same way, and since most of the people I associate with know I'm not married they all feel that they need to play the part of matchmaker and try to hook me up with every loser they know.

I prefer my own company, and have developed my own lifestyle and I'm satisfied with it, I'm not sad or depressed, I don't need a referral to a mental health clinic or introductions to people I have little or nothing in common with.

Answer 7

People assume you aren't alone by choice there for they feel the need to help you. I know how you feel I rather be alone then with a bunch of people and I'm pretty happy when I'm alone heh yet when I'm with a bunch of people who I don't know so well thats when I start to feel bad. Go figure people don't always equal happiness.

Answer 8

I like to be alone, too. Other people seem so needy, like they don't feel like they're a part of anything unless they are in a group or something. I'm glad I don't have to depend on other people around me to feel "complete". Maybe we should pity THEM.

Answer 9

Then you aren't lonely hon.

The definition of lonely is "affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome"

What you are saying is that you prefer to be alone, but aren't lonely.

Answer 10

Because people like to meddle with others. They aren't happy if they see you doing something they would be unhappy doing.