Interfaith relationship...sorta?

Question

My bf is Muslim. Im in the process of converting. We both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives with the other. The problem lies with his family. There are VERY traditional Muslims (we aren't suppose to be dating). They don't know about me. My bf is torn between tradition and following his heart. He is a good person and doesn't want to hurt his parents by breaking tradition, but he also wants to marry someone based on love. If you know/understand Muslim tradition then you know our dilemma. Im a respectable good girl. I value family. Im college and working towards my goals. If they got to know the real me, I think they would accept me. But I don't they will ever even try because Im "American." Any advice?

Answer 1

Before you convert, read the Koran.
And no, they probably will never accept you even if you do convert to Islam. Stereotypes are too strong.

Answer 2

I am Muslim and Palestinian. And I know what you are talking about.
I think there is no problem to carry on this relationship as long as you both are in love. The family will understand and accept this relationship at last. But I think if he is real Muslim then he would hurry up to marry you whether you convert or not. Converting to Islam is not a must to make you marry him. And I believe you shouldn't convert just to marry someone. Islam doesn't care for the number of followers but it does for the quality of the followers.
It sounds you are really good girl and you will understand how his family think about all of this.
Just talk to your boy friend about real relationship, then his family will respect your choice.

Wish the best to you.

Peace!

Answer 3

I exactly know what you are feeling. The thing is, there is a fear in Muslim Parents sadly due to Media that American women are not loyal and rather too out going, too independant and too much about themselves. While Islam as a religion teaches that a woman should be loyal fully to his husband but then women have tremendous rights in Islam too. Like your husband is to treat you super like being kindful, thoughful and respectful towards you. So it is a good choice you are making since if he is a true muslim, he will be most loyal guy you can find.

Now my advice as a muslim and understanding this position completely is,

1) See how your boyfriend is handling the situation. He has to play the anchor role. Its a great thing that you can ackowledge his feelings towards his parents. Because in Islam, You are suppose to respect your parents. But then he should be able to see right from wrong. Your conversion defiantely will help but dont convert becuase of your Bf, convert only if you want too. Islam is a very spiritual, humble path towards reconciling with God. Islamic prayer if done with all your heart, mind and soul can be very theraputical and relaxing. So its good but you have to do it for Allah/God.
2) Second advice is you will have to get used to the traditional lifestyle a bit. Male freinds after marrige are not the greatest things unless they are married. So you may think your freedom is being curtailed but actually you get a bigger chance to concentrate to concentrate on the family and God. So you are in for something good. The opinion of the world should matter less but your own internal enlightenment matters most. So now ask yourself, what you want to do, put yourself in your Bf shoes as well. Above all, do communicate with him and tell him to relax and think how will he handle the situation. If he is indepent finacially then thats great. He cannot leave his parents because its a big thing to help parents and inturn your kids will help you.
3) So i think, it is alot to do with how you manage and adjust to their lifestyle too. Do things if your heart tells you they are right. Dont do it for anyone because you may think doing certain things will help you get acceptance from his parents when it wont. Only God/Allah's guidance is the true guide.
4) Whenever you meet his parents, wear something conservation not too sexy or showy. Because In Islam this would be considered broadcasting. They might get impressed with your clothing.
5) In the end, i would say sit down with your boyfriend, you should talk about both your cultures and how you are willing to manage things in future.

Remember his parents will always matter to him and so will you. Its not that you are competing but rather adjusting to a different lifestyle. I would say research on Islam more and impress his family by following the teachings of Prophet Muhammed(PBUH). Here is a good site,
http://www.themodernreligion.com/prophet/prophet_Sayings.htm#Sayings

Go through all these sayings, you will understand Islam better. Do things foremost for God and then your boyfriend. You will be very happy then. God is the true most friend you will find. All the best may God guide you!

Answer 4

Not a good idea. Break off the relationship and find someone else.

I know that right now, all you can think of is "I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him". You know, that 's EXACTLY how almost all marriages began. Yet, there are numerous divorces. And that happens between couples whose culture and religion/non-religion are that same or very close to the same.

And yes, you may also be thinking, "That happens with other people, it wouldn't happen to us". Dream world, little sister, get out now while you can.

Answer 5

If the two of you really love, respect, and care for each other, please marry. It's very sad that his parents will not make sincere efforts to really get to know and accept you.

As for your conversion to Islam, wonderful!

May Almighty God Allah bless you and your future husband with a happy, successful marriage!

Answer 6

As quickly as you return to Muslim ( because every person was born in Muslim it is his parents that make him/her believe other religions other then Islam.) I hope they will accept you with open hand