Am i being old fashioned?

Question

I had an arguement with my lover about us having sex. She is very demanding and likes to try new things, We tried food on her body and she got a nurse uniform and I was happy with all that. But sometimes she just wants too much and I think she does it to push me. She keeps talking during it and likes to tell me what i am doing like she is my boss.

She keeps asking me to kiss her bum, like all over. I feel embarassed but she pushes my head again and again.

Is this normal?

Answer 1

apart from pleasure one of the biggest things sex does is to relieve stress. in your situation, it seems the opposite- it seems to be becoming a source of stress. just imagine having to worry about going to bed with your partner for fear of what could come.
you are not been old fashioned ghost rider- just waking up to a soul sound from within you that is telling you you are uncomfortable. no one can take discomfort in situations that demand intimacy, for too long. now it is upto you how long you can take it, or whether there can be some form of adjustment in this. various people have various levels of arousal and different things that give them the kicks. one person might feel tickled when you touch them on the ear softly while another may not when you touch them on the spine!
i was in a relationship once when my partner could never get an arousal! no let me re-phrase it. he was nearly two decades my older, and an alcoholic. i could not take it having to go to bed with such a person every night. he would drink and get high, with a high drive for sex and low performance. being a diabetic and a drunk -a potentially fatal combination- but would want to have sex.
every night i would pretend i was more interested in the TV or hide behind a book. i realised i was in a tight spot from where an exit was not very easy. later i realised he could also be violent and abusive. but i held on to my guns and started absenting myself from being with him in the night. since i was living in my own house it was difficult to go elsewhere. so i started inviting friends to come and stay and would sit up with them for long hours chatting or sharing.
after more than two years, the time that i took to extricate myself from the situation, i slowly moved out- emotionally first.
i dont think it is old fashioned at all if you don't feel comfortable with what you are being subjected to. you have a body and a soul and your partner needs to respect it, worship it and celebrate it. when you find the right partner you will see the difference, coz then everything is a matter of faith, joy and giving- what more can i do to make you happy mindset. out here it seems to be a case of : okay so what else can you do to tickle me, rouse me, satiate me? she is trying to 'consume' you rather than indulge you. when it is arousing so much pain in your heart that you need to share it on this forum- whether to figure out the fashion or any other part of it- obviously you are really uneasy. more likely than not you also secretly dread being with her at night.
so you better review your options. is this the best you want from your partner? can you do this for a long long time to come? what would you rather that happened in moments of intimacy with someone? are relationships about bossing over or about leaving the power struggles out of the bedroom? you really have to set your own house (meaning head) in order first. once you know what you want, you will know who can get you there and who cannot.
today i am standing alone, but i am relieved that i am not in that relationship. i am only relating to myself and learning to appreciate me first. and when or if someone comes along who can appreciate me...it would be spring...but i have not quite stopped making my own rainbows too.

Answer 2

I think you should have a chat about it when you are just sitting chatting. Not during sex. Tell her you dont feel comfortable with it. Everyone likes different thinks this just isnt your thing. Tell her what you do like, she seems very open sexually so im sure she will be interested to know what does it for you. Im sure if you both understand each other a bit more sexually then sex will be much more enjoyable for both of you. No one should do anything that they really dont want to do so you have to have a chat with her.

Answer 3

She's a control freak, it's not all that rare. Basically it's up to you to decide if you are okay with it. Just understand, there's one of two possibilities. One, she's pushing you because she's a pervert and insists on control. Two, she's pushing because she's looking for someone that will stand up to her.

Either way, you need to set limits. If there's something you don't want to do, just insist that you don't. And do it right away. If you let it happen for a while, then change your mind, she'll push harder to break through. Set your limits and stick to them. That will let you know if she's just being malicious, or playful. If she doesn't acknowledge your limits, or gets really belligerent about it, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship.

Answer 4

Sounds to me as if you are just being used, there seems to be little love or caring on her side and may be on yours. Sex for sex sake can be great but at the end of the day it's very empty and can never take the place of having someone who really cares and just wants you. If you like being used as a sex toy fine but if I were you I'd move on.

Answer 5

It is not normal for her to push your head and the bum thing made me laugh. Maybe you need to see the funny side of this. I think she is testing your boundaries. Women like her need a good talking to and for you to stand up to her and say 'hey there are two of us in this relationship and I want to talk about his' She will probably respect you for that.

Answer 6

She is dominate. Normal and if you won't, she will find someone that will. Old fashioned? Not really, just not ready for someone like this. If you can't expand your vision and lose some of your you inhabitions then you might consider telling her that it is too much. If she can slow down and save some for when you are 60 then great. If not, then she might need to find someone else.

Answer 7

Most men wouldn't have to be told to kiss the bum lol
I don't figure this relationship will work out---you're not enough for her in the bedroom! Find someone who thinks the way you do, someone you are comfortable with.

Answer 8

It's not about what's "normal," it's about what you enjoy. No one should ever expect someone to do something they don't want to do, sexually or otherwise. It's disrespectful.

Go along with what you like. Make some suggestions of your own, if you have any. But, draw the line at anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or that you don't enjoy.

Answer 9

Whew close call there. If you'd married her before you had sex with her you'd be stuck with a woman you aren't sexually compatible with huh. At least you get to choose if you can live with this without facing a divorce.

Answer 10

there is no such thing as normal or not normal when it comes to sex. you either like something or you don't. I can completely understadn your lover, I can also understand that you might not be into it. Don't do it if you really do not want to.