what's the psychology behind someone that gets ripped off and used all the time even by family? I need help

Question

I seem to be taken for granted and when I try and speak my mind, I get told well thats tuff luck....

Answer 1

Maybe you're afraid to get from under your family's wings.
Maybe you feel safer there even if they abuse you.
Not only should you speak your mind but you should not allow yourself to be ripped off or used. Stand up and be counted !!
Or get away from those people.
I wish you well.

Answer 2

Well, you have to let it happen. You are contributing to it, so take a look at your own behavior. You have basically taught these people to rip you off and use you.

It may be hard to teach them to treat you another way, but if the old way doesn't work anymore, they will! Figure out how you wanna be treated, how to get it, and then go for it. Slow but sure.

In time, people will realize you can't be treated the "old" way because it's not getting the same results for them. So some will stop trying, or try a different tactic. Some will just keep trying th old way to no avail.

For example if you have some one that's asked to borrow money before and never pay you back. Next time they ask, say you'd love to but you've made a rule to not loan money anymore.

You can do it.

Answer 3

That is a question that takes some time to answer.... Here are some things I discovered about myself. After a lifetime of various abuses, being manipulated, used, and walked on, I finally realized that I had been Groomed to be a victim. (I heard that the book, “I'm OK. You're OK,” deals with this. I haven't read it yet, but I plan to having recently found it on the internet.)

I don't blame anyone for my pain and suffering. In fact, I've forgiven most of my abusers (still working on this). Blame is pointless and makes people bitter and angry. Should I blame my parents? But both my parents were abused, so should I blame my grandparents? Wait, they were abused too, so how about my great-grandparents or great-great-grandparents? You see? Pointless! Those people are long gone. No resolution comes from it, so I chose to focus on something much more productive instead.

First thing was to see what I was doing to be a victim. That part was easy… changing it was the hard part. Another book that helped me immensely was “How We Choose To Be Happy.” It was given to me by a friend and made changes within me possible. Not only was it easy to read and understand, but it gave me power over my own happiness! Sometimes, in order to be happy, we must make painful sacrifices. Change can be very difficult, but it's well worth it!!

First, you must see what you are doing to allow victimization and exploitation. There may be behaviors and friends that you will have to leave behind. With low self esteem, you must discover your own worth! Until you learn to love yourself and discover your true value, others will not appreciate or respect you… and people WILL use you. Learning to stand up for yourself is important, but with some people, it can be impossible! I was in such a situation and had to move away. I wanted to around people who saw my heart, heard me, and showed me respect. I now feel more appreciated than I've ever felt, Love. But in order to gain such things, I had to change. I had to change the way I saw people, family, the world, and myself.

But Mostly, I needed to show Myself love and appreciation. I had been deprived of such things most of my life, doing and living for others’ happiness. Now I make delightful dinners that look beautiful. Then I play my favorite music, light some candles, pour a little wine. I take pleasure in the moment and all that is good… I also take candlelight baths with salts and oils where I meditate for hours. Find out what brings YOU joy, peace, and comfort and bask in it, Love. If you believe in prayer, that helps too. Only when you fill yourself are you able to delight in others.

I wanted to say so much more, but can't put into words what I really want to say. I feel this falls short, but perhaps something here will help. Good luck, Love, and God bless!

Answer 4

I had the same problem. Now I don't do **** for anyone anymore. Just do you, forget them, do better, and make the jealous. When I get rich I'm going to walk around with a g wrapped in a rubber band just so I can slap family with it. It sounds crazy, but that really is what I look forward to the most :D

Answer 5

You are being used because your friends and family believe you do not mind helping them. When you object do they try to manipulate you (with guilt) to get their way?

I suggest you use some of your time for yourself. Tell them that you have other plans and you will think about their request later. You don’t need to justify you plans beyond “this is what I want to do”. If they keep pressuring you on their needs, realize you also have needs. Saying “no” is ok if it is causing you hardships and it something unimportant.

If their request(s) are selfish or they are being lazy, wanting you to go to the store for candy, then you may not be obligated to full their requests.

Make your decisions based on balancing your needs to their needs, then decide if you want to continue with your own plans. If your plan was to relax then take the time to relax if that is what you need to do or want to do.

Answer 6

Learn to say no.
You let them use you - as long as you do it, they will too.
Don't bother trying to speak your mind - it's like talking to a brick wall - get up, stop letting them walk on you .. and don't look back.

If they bother to inquire - just blow them off - "tuff luck".