mother/daughter relationship?

Question

I've read other answers to questions such as mine about clashing mother/daughter relationships; how they have grown soo close now that the daughter is older.I have to say though, it seems so far-fetched. We fight every day and i just feel angry with her all the time even when were not arguing. We say horrible things to each other and I cant remember the last time we were civilized. She's a single mother and I am an only child so that has to be a major cause of it. Also, I'm at the point where i have one more year of highschool left and then i leave for college. So, i guess my questions are these: How long does it take to have a decent relationship? Are there cases where they cant be fixed? And other than cleaning the dishes, (realistically) what could i do to improve it, even if i feel like its one-sided? Thank you for any answers you can share.

also to give a better outline of my mother, shes said "i am the dictator and u are the people" and how she believes mothers shouldnt be friends with their daughters. absurd?

Answer 1

Speaking to you from experience, trust me when I tell you this: it will take much time to be able to get to that precious "mother-daughter" stage in your life. But the good news is that it will happen. It all depends on each others personality and strength. My daughter and I always had problems as she was growing up. Even when she was in her early 20's we would be at each others throat. I really don't think that her being a single mom and you being her only child has anything to do with it. Are you the type of person that always wants the last word said in an argument? Is everything your mom says to you wrong? Do you feel that she embarrasses you? Mom is not always right, but none the less, she is MOM. Try talking (or arguing with) her on a quieter level. Catch yourself before you say something horrible to her. She will catch on. You have nothing to lose. This may just be the start of the civil relationship you both have to look forward to. Let me tell you something babe. You will feel so much respect and much more love towards Mom when you both are close friends. She will end up being your best friend. You will be her best friend also. My daughter and I are thisclose. We went through years and years of hell before we became best friends. I am not in the stage of "raising and nurturing" her like I did when she was growing. We can take the time out to talk and be involved in everything. We can go shopping because we "want" to, not because we "have" to. You will get there. Good luck in the mean time babe. Hang in there. Trust me, your life will change for the good.

Answer 2

I assume your mother is immature if she says horrible things to you and doesn't act civilized. If you have to act like the adult and take control to turn the situation around, take a deep breath, say a prayer, and do it. For starters, tell your mom you are sorry (even if she's as much to blame) and then mention all the ways you appreciate her. Give her a hug and say you'll try harder, then keep your word. It takes two to fight, so decide you will be the better person and just not do it any more.

Good luck. Don't keep going down the current road or you may not like where you end up.

Answer 3

It depends on how long it could be fixed..sometimes a month and sometimes a couple of years. That's all in fate and trust. There are cases like when both sides are really stubborn and won't forgive each other that can't be fixed. But to improve the problem, listen to her side of the story WITHOUT any arguments. Just sit and listen to what she has to say. Being a mom, it's likely that she can listen to your side of the story too. Both sides need to acknowledge how they're feeling. Once you did that, then work together to solve how things will work out..like a compromise that will work out for both of you. There will be some sacrifices you will have to make but then your mom will also have to make some sacrifices. It goes for both sides.

Answer 4

It seems that the daughter should not bite the hand that feeds her. If the daughter takes a look at how spoiled she is behaving (Like a princess without a country) she should be real ashamed of the behavior. The daughter should focus on the good and try to help out with no resentments or expecting anything. If the daughter does not know what I mean, Then fake it, until it becomes genuinely real. Trust me, it's far less energy to be flexible and agreeable. In time, the relationship will heal, but you have to want it to, and work hard at it. Remember, that a garden does not stay pretty without working in it.

Answer 5

I have had a great relationship with my Dad almost my entire life, then this last year he came into my house for a two month stay and it ended our relationship, because he was so disrepectful.

My suggestion- bury the hatchet. Stop fighting, say you are sorry and you want to start fresh. Let all the old bull go, and when something starts just don't join the fight. Ask her to calm down- "I don't want to argue, I want to talk to you about this."

The old saying- "it takes two to fight," is very true.

Dispite the fact that I hate my father right now, I have hopes that he will respect me one day enough to say- "I was a jerk, I am sorry," but his pride is destroying our relationship, don't let your's do the same.

Answer 6

You need to find out exactly what is causing the conflict.
Come out and ask her.
She could be having a hard time dealing with you being a teenager. Mother's have a hard time letting go. Or if you are being rebellious in any way, that could have her going, she feels like she has lost parental control?

I am very close to my mom and in most part always have been.

I have heard some women say they wasn't that close to their mothers until they got married and had children of their own.

~faith

Answer 7

When I was living at home we had a bad relationship, When I went away we still had a strained relationship. My father died and I hated my mother. She moved away - we spoke on the phone and nothing really had changed. Now I'm in my mid 40's and she is almost 90. Things haven't changed much on her end, just on mine. I have to accept her and love her because she is my mother, but I do not have to listen and accept what she says to me as the truth. I realize that people do the best with what they are given and some of us are given a bad hand of cards to begin with. When we know more we do more. She is from a different generation and I just have to accept her and move on. I spent many years trying to please her and wound up miserable. Yes there are some cases where it can't be fixed, but you just have to work on your self and just work on accepting her as a human being. Don't waste as much of your life trying to fix someone who doesn't know she is broken. Good luck, pray and try to live your life to its fullest.

Answer 8

When I was a teen I had a horrible M/D relationship. I felt she picked on me and that she wasn't very bright. After I was finally away from home I realized that being out on my own that my Mother was simply protecting me. I realized how I had been in dangerous situations without realizing it. Once you have gone to college you will see things differently and when you have your own kids the bulb will really come on. Be patient and be kind to your Mother you will NEVER have another.

Answer 9

when i had/have problems with my parents i just simply walk away and try not to argue with them. when i was 13-16 me and my mom argued alot too. but as soon as i hit 16 we started understanding each other alot better. now I'm 20 and we are like best friends. dont get me wrong we still argue everynow and then. things will work out. just try to be nice. try to do everything before asked to do it. and just let her win the argument even if shes wrong. try not to discuss the situation when your mad wait till you calm down. things will work out trust me.

Answer 10

well the now women belive in being friends with their daughters some can and some can't. yes generally after you leave things get better. it just does and then you will be surprized how different she is. it is just growin gup and she strying to make you a goodperson.